Hi, I'm Kristi *waves*
My story is pretty similar to most. I became self aware around 9 or so. I couldn't identify what it was exactly that made me different, but something was definitely up. I remember playing dress up with my sister Laura, and I really enjoyed it. It was fun for me. I really don't remember much else about my childhood. My Dad was pretty abusive towards me, so I guess it's good that my memory is a bit fuzzy. I'm assuming that's why I stuffed myself way down inside, to survive. I can only imagine what his reaction wold have been. I do love my Dad though, more than I can tell anyone, or put into words. He was a corporate pilot before retiring, and I'm proud of that. After he retired he started a computer repair biz, and learning from other family about him getting in touch with a geeky side made me really proud, as I am geek all over. I haven't spoken to him in years though, I'd love to be able to share myself with him, having him know how much of a Daddy's Girl I've always been would be awesome.
Mom is another issue, I'm thinking of transitioning as far as I can before trying to tell her, so she knows that this is very real for me. She's quite the devout Christian, and I'm pretty sure she will "disown" me as Dad has, for his own reasons. I'm sad about that possibility, as I'm closer to Mom than anyone, she's the most amazing person I've ever known. After divorcing my Dad and getting custody of me wen I was in the 6th grade, she's raised me pretty much on her own. She also recently survived uterine cancer, and is slowly recovering. I was terrified of losing her, she came close a couple of times, but even though I think her faith is a little misguided, I think it saved her life. I do have a firm faith in God, but also know that men have so corrupted his message that it's so hard to see what is right and what is wrong. After deep soul searching and research, I firmly believe that while He didn't make me this way, He has great compassion, and accepts me just as I am. I'm thinking that most religious people need a good spanking from above lol.
Back to me, I guess. I'm pretty shy and not very good at talking about myself. Growing up I was led to belief that I was wrong for feeling the way I do, even though I never told anyone. I found some comfort in minor expressions. Dressing up with my sister, playing with dolls and things, and reading. I lost myself completley in books. I've always loved reading, as a way to "get away" from life for awhile.
About six or so years ago, it all came to a head, and everything came out. I kinda freaked out and started going to a therapist, because I was constantly depressed, as I was for most of m life up to then. I learned what GID was through him. Then I really panicked because I knew that I would have to decide on a course of action that could possibly destroy my life as I knew it. I also was told by a urologist that due to my kidney dysfunction, hormones might be especially risky for me. Not long after that I learned Mom had cancer, so I packed up and moved home, to be closer to her.
After a couple of purges, the last one being a few months ago, which was a near purge...I caught myself, and cussed myself out pretty severely. I've decided on a firm course of action, and have set clear goals for myself. My first obstacle was coming out to my girlfriend. The first time, she was pretty hateful, so I let it go and purged. I was kind of afraid she'd out me, which would be catastrophic for me, because of where I live; the fifth level of Redneck Hell lol. I have a pretty cool neighbor though. Anyway, I found the courage to come to her again, because I was really depressed, and knew that if I didn't do something, I would end up killing myself. We sat down, and talked it through, she actually listened, and we cried a lot, and yelled at each other a little lol. It was good though, she needs some time to adjust, but she loves me enough to stay with me. She's kinda bitchy sometimes, but then again, so am I. She also has a heart the size of Texas.
So that's where I am today, learning to use make up with her help, and I've also found another tgirl nearby that is really nice, and wants to help, and I may be able to start HRT within a couple of months. There are no doctors around here to help I don't think, it's uber conservative here, so I'll be doing that alone, but have completely researched it, and am pretty secure in knowing what I'm doing. I plan to baby myself as much as possible and keep a close eye on my health.
I don't really have much support though, other than my girl friend, who doesn't know how to support me really, and my friend who wants to help me with things my girlfriend can't. My plan so far is to transition quietly as possible here, then move somewhere else and begin a new life there. My girlfriend has said that she doesn't think she can stay with me after my body starts changing, and I'm sure I'll have to move after I come out to Mom, but right now I'm taking one baby step at a time.
So that's me in a nutshell!
