Disclosing to future roommates?

[mikke]

I'm moving into a new place in a couple of weeks- do you think I should disclose to my new roommates that I'm trans? I'm not out to most people and one of my new roomies is my coworker (I'm not out at work). If they take it badly, I may not have a place to live. However, I will probably be coming out to everyone (and starting hormones) in the next couple of months anyway...but by then I'll have moved in, signed the lease, etc.

What do you think? Is it unfair to them to not let them know? Or is it not worth the risk?

[tinkerbell]

Well Lane, I would be concerned about your safety, hon.  I mean, I'm assuming these roommates are all guys, am I correct?  Working with someone and living with someone are two completely different things; you can hide many things from your co-workers, but I don't think you can from a roommate.  IMO, they should be told; however, it all depends on how well you know these people and how well they can assimilate the news.  Just be careful please.


tinkerbell

[mikke]

Well, 2 are girls and 1 is a guy (one of the girls' fiance). One of the girls is my coworker; the other and her fiance I don't know at ALL (I just met them tonight when I was signing the lease actually). So I really have no idea how they'd react...I get the impression they're pretty liberal, I mean, the guy has orange-pink hair. But who knows.

[Dennis]

I know guys who've lived in a roommate situation without disclosing, but think of things like if your parents call and screw up the pronouns, or you run into someone who's known you from before. It may just be too stressful not to disclose.

Dennis

[Krisstina]

You might even consider avoiding a living situation that is so entangled closely with work. That is bad in its self as a general rule. Then you add your to come out or not to come out problem on top of that and I would say find another option in housing if you can.


Sincerely
Kristina

[Steph]

A tricky situation to be sure Lane.  Of course once the lease is signed I imagine that your accommodation would be secure, No?  If you are close to any of these folks then by all means come out to them, but you are under no obligation to do so.  I imagine that you have your own room and share other rooms, and I imagine that you are not going to be parading around the house naked or anything like that.  What you do with your life is your business.

However the caveat to all this is that you will be changing and the changes will start to show eventually which may force the issue at a later date.  Fortunately as a FtM the changes are easier to conceal than those experienced by a MtF.  I would definitely start living in the new place as "Lane" and explain as things progress if required.  Your house mates feelings need to be considered as you will be sharing facilities with them and to keep the relationship amicable you will probably need to share your personal issues with them.

Truly a balancing act.

Steph