This really sucks! I need advice...

[420NEKO]

I want to come out to my younger brother, but I'm not exactly sure what to say or how to bring it up. And, I'm also not sure if this is the right time to come out or not.

Earlier this year I told my mom and older brother. I was ready to start transitioning right then, and wanted to move and start testosterone and get surgery... Then I decided to try staying away from FTM videos on YouTube, and mostly kept away from trans-related forums.

Almost exactly one month ago, I told myself that I could live as female and be perfectly happy. So, I tried, and was miserable the whole time.

When I dress in men's clothing I feel more comfortable, but I also feel like everyone thinks I'm an ugly mannish woman. I'd rather dress ultra-feminine than be perceived that way. But when I dress like a girl and try to fit that image, I feel like I am pretending to be something that I'm not, like it's all a big act.

The first time I went out in public trying to pass, I felt so... I don't know, it's weird to explain. x_x; I was happy and felt like I was a man, but... I still just didn't feel right. Like I was lying to everyone or something. 

And the thing that worries me about transitioning is me not 'knowing how' to be a man. My mom says there is nothing manly about me. I know there are PLENTY of flamboyant gay men, and I'm not as girly acting as most of them, but I just get this feeling that I'll never be seen as a man.

At first, I just wanted to ask for help with how to come out, but what I really want before that is to be 100% sure that I need to transition. This all feels so surreal. ):



I guess I'm asking for any advice I can get? Especially how to know for sure, even though I suppose that's kind of hard to give advice about. My mind keeps going back and forth... Sometimes, I know with complete certainty that I AM a man. Then, this little voice in the back of my head says just the right thing to make me doubt everything. :/ I know I should be sorting through this with a therapist, but that's not an option at the moment. I feel so helpless. >_< Any advice would be appreciated.

[Robert Scott]

Everyone goes through self doubt --- no body wants to struggle to be who they really are --- it's perfectly normal.

Have you thought about telling your mom that you are really struggling with your gender identity and you would like to see a counselor?  It will help you process your feelings and feel more comfortable with being yourself.

[TroyTransistor]

Only you can really know what's up in your mind, man. You're the one who knows who you really are as far as gender goes. And as far as transitioning, when you 'need' to do it is also something only you can know.

As I've heard from several wise people: Transitioning is the result of the struggle to live in the gender role you were assigned outweighing the struggle of living as the gender you identify.

[bojangles]

When I dress in men's clothing I feel more comfortable, but I also feel like everyone thinks I'm an ugly mannish woman.
But when I dress like a girl and try to fit that image, I feel like I am pretending to be something that I'm not, like it's all a big act.

... I don't know, it's weird to explain. x_x; I was happy and felt like I was a man, but... I still just didn't feel right. Like I was lying to everyone or something. 

And the thing that worries me about transitioning is me not 'knowing how' to be a man.

I can't advise you how to know for sure. But can say that you are not alone. I relate to everything quoted above. Still feels surreal at times, 9 months into medical transition. It's a big decision that you don't have to make until you are ready.

Something to realize about not knowing how to be a man is that's a pretty manly thing to realize. lol
Lots of cisguys are insecure about that, even if they got plenty skills. Guys who grew up without fathers can probably relate to it very well.

What usually works for me is to figure out what we have in common and work from there...not focus so much on difference or shortages. Cuz that drives me nuts. Then learn some stuff that helps fill the gap.
Maybe we oughta start a man school.