Transmen and Violence?

[Princess of Hearts]

As a transman have you ever been subjected to violence or threatened with violence?  Men can be violent for no discernible reason to other men, they also 'snap and snarl' at other men that would be unacceptable when done to a woman.  Have you faced overt hostility from genetic men and wondered 'what was all that about?'    Or perhaps you knew what it was about but consider his actions/reactions as not being appropriate to the situation.  In a verbal confrontation do you give as good as you get, or do you try to reason with a confrontational man - not always a good idea as this can be seen as an overt display of weakness on your part?

[Nygeel]

I've had hostility from a whole bunch of people. Other trans men, cis men, cis women, trans women...I'm more of the avoid kind of person but trouble always seems to find me.

[Squirrel698]

I went with my casual friend to a convention.  While there we got into a conversation regarding people having their backpacks stolen. 

He said something like, "If you stole my backpack I would hit you hammer."  Then proceeded to mime hitting me with a hammer.  He wasn't even that close to me but the swing was fast and vicious.  I didn't react at all, just stood there and looked at him calmly.  He got the strangest look on his face as if he expected me to react in a different way. 

I was like, "Yeah that would basically kill me."  Still completely calm.  The fact that he did that didn't bother me in the slightest.  Still looking taken back, my friend replied he actually hit my jaw and it was a knock-out shot.  I replied that I suppose it depended on where he was aiming.  If he hit my the skull like that it would have undoubtedly cracked it open.

We stopped talking about it after that.  I've been curious since then just exactly how he expected me to react.       

[alex408]

The only violence I've faced has been from a woman.  My friends and I were on vacation in florida when i was 18.  I was sitting outside the pool with a T shirt and swim trunks on while my friends swam and this 40ish year old woman, who was clearly drunk, came up to me and said ,"we were just trying to figure out if you were a boy or a girl."  I told her that was a rude question to ask a stranger and if she couldn't tell, then it wasn't any of her business.  This pissed her off and she started screaming at me and asked if i had a had a penis or a vag and if liked sucking certain things or licking certain things... I told her to eff off before I called security.  She apparently didn't like that and punched me in the face and broke my glasses. She was a real sweetheart.  Her husband and sister did nothing to stop her; this also occurred in front of her two young kids, probably around 3 & 5ish.  She's the definition of classy

[Mr.Rainey]

Men don't pick fights with me. The only people who ever picked fights with me were women.

[melissa42013]

  I've been curious since then just exactly how he expected me to react.     

I would have probably said, "You swing like a girl! and laughed it off...."
There is definitely a skill to acting like a guy without provoking a fight and I was really good at it. The key is to tell them to %&#@ off and make them laugh at the same time.

[JessicaH]

Rough play is natural and essential to male growth and development. It builds the skill strength and coordination that was essential to survival for millions of years. If you watch animals play, you will notice that rough play can often lead to punishing consequences when someone bites a little to hard and the other gets hurt.

I had to be tough because it seemed like a lot of guys wanted to fight me becasue I was muscular but I didn't have overly masculine features and a high pitched voice so they thought they would take down an easy target. I'm not sure how many fights I was in by the age 19 but it distinctly remember about 8. Underestimation can be a very bad mistake because I came out on top EVERY time! lol   One guy that had 80 lbs. on me didin't learn fast and had to go through it 3 times in front of lots of spectators at school. Ah,,, the high school memories....

[N.Chaos]

I actually haven't had anyone be violent towards me (except friends in either fights or play fights) since I got out of high school. Actually, when there's any kind of bad interaction, I'm usually the one spitting threats and being dragged off so I don't kill someone. People generally either leave me alone, insult me from a distance, or seem piss-terrified of me.

[tekla]

I went to an all male prep school, you'd think that with all that macho, and no women to civilize it at all there would be lots of fights.  Hell, in one way it was even encouraged.  Because if you were caught fighting you were put on detention, and at the end of the school day the two perps had to go down to the gym (with at least half the school in attendance) put on boxing gloves and in a regulation match they had to fight.  (Well, they wanted to fight so bad, why not let 'em?)  But here was the catch - because there is always a catch right?  The winner got to fight our Dean of Discipline, Father K, who as an undergrad was tri-state boxing champion in Washington/Oregon/Idaho.  That tended to last all of a few seconds. 

In four years there were four fights.  One each year, early in the school year.  Lesson learned.  The best was my senior year when Father K took out our star all-league Pac10-bound defensive end with right cross and a left uppercut.  He never even saw it coming.

Violence only creates more violence, and there is always going to be someone stronger or quicker.

[ravij]

Only women have tried to pick fights with me.

The only violence I've faced has been from a woman.  My friends and I were on vacation in florida when i was 18.  I was sitting outside the pool with a T shirt and swim trunks on while my friends swam and this 40ish year old woman, who was clearly drunk, came up to me and said ,"we were just trying to figure out if you were a boy or a girl."  I told her that was a rude question to ask a stranger and if she couldn't tell, then it wasn't any of her business.  This pissed her off and she started screaming at me and asked if i had a had a penis or a vag and if liked sucking certain things or licking certain things... I told her to eff off before I called security.  She apparently didn't like that and punched me in the face and broke my glasses. She was a real sweetheart.  Her husband and sister did nothing to stop her; this also occurred in front of her two young kids, probably around 3 & 5ish.  She's the definition of classy

I agree. Very classy. 

[Natkat]

hmm I had a couple of fights mostly for fun but I have hitted/kicked a few people ,
(now I feel so bad)
I once kicked my teacher for something I dont remember,
I slap my mom once for not leaving me alone while I where felling like ->-bleeped-<-, (probebly some trans stuff as I remember)
I have kicked a guy, who called me a whore,
I have slapped a girl for screaming out how gay I where to my friends birthday party.

hmm... people who have been violanced aganst me?..-_-
again alot of the voilance I got where for fun, like fighting and stuff..but serious hmm?.
I had a guy who once tried to scare me off saying he would cut of my arm and so on, he where from the net, so he said if he meet me for real he would do so, but I never saw him and it would also be unrealistical if I did.
then I had a guy who wanted to start a fight with me, but I where drunk so I dont remember.
I also had some teacher when I where small who acted kinda violance thought me because "I had poor maner"
like I where not alowed to say "yes" when I where asking for food I should say "yes please" and I always forgot, and in the end I got so annoyed that I couldnt get any food just by saying "yes" when they asked me, so I went over to take it myself (they where putting it on our plate so we didnt have to get it ourself) but then she grabbet my wrist and hold me while saying, I wasnt alowed to take anything before I had said "yes please" I felt it where kinda overeacting for such a small thing but they where pretty sick in general and whined to my mom that I had been violance in situation where I just had refused to do as they said.

hmm.. also on my new school its not really violance either but one of my students from lithaun said it where cool I where trans but if I went to his country he would beat me up because that was what they did in lithaun, I dont know how I felt about that? to be honest..

[_Mango_]

I am far too intimidating to really worry I think. I mean, I am still living as a female, but I have been in fights about things, and almost killed by 2 boyfriends (both of them struck when I was sleeping of course!) (I did put up a good fight, however, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this right now). But I do have to say that although I won't physically fight most times (i did punch a ex for cheating and he cried.. a lot..) because I can put up a front that discourages most people from messing with me. (especially when I tell them to stop talking or I will get them a change of address form for the 3 counties that the law doesn't cooperate with each other in WA) I only anticipate with the addition of T that I will find an even larger success in the capability of being able to hold back anyone who thinks of stepping up.. I really don't encourage violence, but a good front or strong statements are always better than bloodshed!

Just remember posture, eye contact, and confidence are key. And never try to front if you don't think it'd be convincing. That will most likely cause it to evolve to a physical altercation!

My favorite thing to say to a repeat offender is "Exactly what do I have to do to instill the healthy amount of fear in me that you really should have?"

[Hayzer12]

I'm more of a chill guy, but I have been in a lot of fights; all with men. None with women. I will NOT hit a woman. I've never received any trans related hate though, at least not in a physical  manner. If I say that I am a guy, most believe that I am a guy without delving in further, so no one really even knows unless they know me personally, and if they do then they know that I've always been masculine.

However, on the trans-related topic of this all, my brother has let me know that once I get on Testosterone he will no longer let me get away with pissing him off(yeah he's a bit of the roid rager. He thinks he can kick anyone and everyones ass, when in reality he's just overweight, slow, and has high aggression LOL. Nah I love my brother) He said that he's always looked at me as a wimpy kid before, and once getting on Testosterone there will be no excuse.

[Miniar]

I've never started a fight in my life, but I've ended a couple.

Pre transition I would get hostility, both verbal and physical, directed at me by both men and women.
Post transition it seems the only hostility I've faced has been from women, though it's solely been verbal, to this point.

[spenceroar]

This has been really interesting to me, and I guess I didn't think about any of the physical social aspects of being read as male pre-transition.
Pre-transition I'd never really get physically ->-bleeped-<-ed with, as most guys saw me as a girl and generally guys don't like to hit on women (for a damn good reason).

Post-t, I've encountered a fair amount of confrontations that got out of hand. Mostly around pubs/bars where people tend to be intoxicated.
Guys have said things about my appearance or piercings/tattoos and not liked my smart-ass reply, so have gotten physical. Pushing me up against a wall and threatening me and stuff. I held them by the arms tightly, looked into thier eyes and asked them to stop. If they didn't, I used brute force to get them away from me.
I don't like to fight back, but I'll stop them from hurting me. Once they realise that I've got a bit of muscle behind me they generally back off.
I like being able to end confrontations without throwing punches, and thankfully I've never had to throw one - but am willing and able if I need to defend myself or my partner.

[Vincent E.S.]

I actually haven't had anyone be violent towards me (except friends in either fights or play fights) since I got out of high school. Actually, when there's any kind of bad interaction, I'm usually the one spitting threats and being dragged off so I don't kill someone. People generally either leave me alone, insult me from a distance, or seem piss-terrified of me.

^ Same.
Although I'm still in high school and most of my physical fighting was done in middle school. Someone may occasionally say something, at which point I'll slowly look up at them and everyone around will act nervous and warn the person that they're about to die.

[tekla]

not liked my smart-ass reply
Ahh, the old 'letting your mouth write checks your ass can't cash.'  I think that is a very big difference between men/boys and women/girls, is that women can get away with saying a lot of stuff that guys will be called on.  I think that is because from a very early age there is a premium put on 'being good to your word' that often men take what people say dead to rights(and people take what men say a lot more seriously too as a result, that's changing somewhat, but women often get a pass on remarks that guys don't).  And a lot of that also has to do with 'control' - in that if you can't control your own mouth, how are we going to trust you with anything more complex. 

Oh, and BTW, the usual 'guy rules' for the pack (all for one, one for all - we got your back and all that) are OFF THE TABLE if you run your mouth and find yourself in trouble.  Basically I think they figure that if you're going to talk the talk, you get to walk the walk.

[bojangles]

So far, all violence was pre transition. Came from males and females.

He said something like, "If you stole my backpack I would hit you hammer."  Then proceeded to mime hitting me with a hammer.  He wasn't even that close to me but the swing was fast and vicious.  I didn't react at all, just stood there and looked at him calmly.  He got the strangest look on his face as if he expected me to react in a different way. 

We stopped talking about it after that.  I've been curious since then just exactly how he expected me to react. 

Am thinking he mighta been expecting you to one-up him with a display of what you'd do to him if he stole your backpack.

[lexical]

The only violence I've faced has been from a woman.  My friends and I were on vacation in florida when i was 18.  I was sitting outside the pool with a T shirt and swim trunks on while my friends swam and this 40ish year old woman, who was clearly drunk, came up to me and said ,"we were just trying to figure out if you were a boy or a girl."  I told her that was a rude question to ask a stranger and if she couldn't tell, then it wasn't any of her business.  This pissed her off and she started screaming at me and asked if i had a had a penis or a vag and if liked sucking certain things or licking certain things... I told her to eff off before I called security.  She apparently didn't like that and punched me in the face and broke my glasses. She was a real sweetheart.  Her husband and sister did nothing to stop her; this also occurred in front of her two young kids, probably around 3 & 5ish.  She's the definition of classy

Damn dude, that's ridiculous. I grew up in Florida and can't say I'm surprised this happened there. I know we often confuse people from small towns who've never met a transperson (or knew a certain person was trans), but the physical violence is just so wrong. Reminds me of that Baltimore McDonalds incident a few months back where a transwoman was severely attacked and no one intervened except an old lady that couldn't break it up. Not to say your experience was like that, it just brought it up in my mind. So messed up.

I've been lucky so far to not be threatened or physically injured for being trans. Living in a big city and having been assaulted before (attempted robbery) I just try to be aware of my surroundings and cautious about which men's rooms I use, even though I'm passing the vast majority of time in person. Still get nervous walking into a men's room where people are drinking.

[tekla]

Am thinking he mighta been expecting you to one-up him

You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That's* the *Chicago* way! And that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I'm offering you a deal. Do you want this deal?

And Squirrel is from Chicago.