After about two hours of looking through topics and reading rules and changing my mind and making it up again, I finally decided to post an introduction.
I am FtM and my chosen name is Skyler Anthony Thompson. I go by Kyle from the 'k-y-l-e' in Skyler. Before I spend any amount of time talking about being Transgendered, let me actually introduce me. I am entering my senior year in high school. My actual school has only about four hundred students and I have been going to school with my same class for nearly six years. I like reading more than about anyone my age and I don't mean young adult novels about vampires. Because I like reading, I really like writing. I tend to second guess everything I do and say (which is why it has already taken me almost twenty minutes to write this far), especially on websites for any sort of TS support. I don't know why, especially since I imagine a site or group like this would be the least likely to judge anything I say. (Look, that's me second guessing myself and not deleting the sentence -.-)
Also, very worth mentioning: I have an amazing and wonderful girlfriend who I have known since I was eleven. We are about five months shy of our fourth anniversary. Once I complete all my transitioning and surgeries, we plan on getting married and hopefully pulling a family together (someday).
Now for the transgender part of my story. I have always felt like a boy. Since I was very little I can remember all sorts of stories about me trying to fill the need to be a boy that I didn't understand. Not to play with gender stereotypes, but (here I go anyways) I liked the mud, baseball, dinosaurs, and 'helping' my dad fix our various half-working cars. My sister is a year younger than me, and liked barbies and anything pink. On that note, another one of my favorite pastimes was torturing her. (I feel like no content in the last paragraph matters.)
At this point, I'd like to mention that I keep writing paragraphs and deleting them. I've done this about five times.
My mother has been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder and Clinical Depression. Throughout my childhood she would have 'episodes' that ranged from fighting so hard with my dad the cops get called to laying in bed for a week, not talking to anyone. When I was eleven, she was admitted into a Mental institution in Washington. My dad moved my sister and I to Idaho to live with my grandma while he went back to Washington to try and convince my mom to be a family again. This is where I met my fiance (Jessy) at the elementary school I transferred into.
Jessy became my best friend almost instantly. About three years down the road, we realized we both had feelings for each other, and even without the words and terms, we knew we were a straight couple and I was a boy. Her dad is a serious Mormon with an opposition to anything that requires and open mind and my parents (who did come back to Idaho to be with all of us) are not the type of people to just accept me for who I am, so we both agreed to keep it a secret.
I finally found the word Transgender and all that it meant and everything that I could do to fix how much I hated myself. I started to research and read anything I could. Shortly after joining a different support site, Jessy met another FtM and introduced me to him. He is the only TG friend I have and he is very important to me. When he found out I was binding with a modified pair of sliding shorts from the softball team I refused to be on, he actually bought me a binder and sent it to me.
Like a lot of TG people, I spent my years of oncoming (and years of) puberty depressed and hating life. I have struggling with self mutilation and am still struggling with self esteem issues (I don't think I'm ever going to stop struggling with those). My ultimate low was last February, where I sunk so far into a depressive fit that I took a large amount of aspirin in an attempt to kill myself. Luckily, I survived and, with help from my girlfriend and a few close (if not very helpful) friends who know that I am FtM, I am feeling less depressed and (a little) more confident.
Once again, I'm contemplating deleting a lot of that. Does anyone really need to know my entire life story to welcome me onto a website? (Honestly, even if it's not some set of giant secrets, it at least feels good to talk about.)
If you read all of that... thanks.
I feel like I skipped a lot and said a lot of stuff that could have been skipped, but I'm going to try and not modify it anymore. Nice to meet you, people of
Susan.org, I hope we can be friends.
