Where to look?

[Metroland]

I was out dancing yesterday and I was with a really cool girl.  Around her I really feel that I can be myself.  So since I am searching for an identity I was able to be myself and I was trying to find what I am.  I was wearing women underwear and that gave me confidence but at some time I was feeling that maybe a little of me is male and I was able to fit in that role and was confident leading in the dance.

However I felt that maybe I am neither male nor female.  I was not comfortable being male and I was not comfortable being female. And I don't think that I am comfortable being either or neither. It is like I am something totally exclusive from male or female (if you imagine a Venn diagram ;p I feel that I am in a circle that doesn't intersect with the male or the female circles).

It is very confusing and I have no idea where to look to find my indentity.

[JulieC.]

Look within.  It should be what's right for you.  Your circle doesn't have to fit in anyone else's circle.  What I mean is you don't have to identify as completely male or completely female.  Can't we identify as both.  I would say I identify as a female and I want to be a female but I can't ignore my biology and 50+ years of living as a male.  No matter what I do to change myself in the coming years there will always be some male component to me.

[Metroland]

Look within.

I am looking within, however I am not identifying with anything I see. I am not seeing anyone or anything that I can identify with.

[Torn1990]

I was out dancing yesterday and I was with a really cool girl.  Around her I really feel that I can be myself.  So since I am searching for an identity I was able to be myself and I was trying to find what I am.  I was wearing women underwear and that gave me confidence but at some time I was feeling that maybe a little of me is male and I was able to fit in that role and was confident leading in the dance.

However I felt that maybe I am neither male nor female.  I was not comfortable being male and I was not comfortable being female. And I don't think that I am comfortable being either or neither. It is like I am something totally exclusive from male or female (if you imagine a Venn diagram ;p I feel that I am in a circle that doesn't intersect with the male or the female circles).

It is very confusing and I have no idea where to look to find my indentity.

Are you familiar with the term "gender queer?" 

[Metroland]

Are you familiar with the term "gender queer?"

Yes. I don't identify with that either :p

[Dana_H]

Might I suggest "delightfully unique" as an option?   

[eli77]

These are the folks who'd be able to help you out: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,57.0.html

And they are nice too!

Androgyne is sort of an umbrella term for folks who don't identify with the two traditional genders. There is a lot of variety, and I'm not sure if there are any who identify as a separate gender on that board at the moment or not, but they'll get what you are talking about at least. And have a look through the older posts, there are people who have been in that section at some point who feel like you do about their gender.

[Metroland]

Thank you for the advice.

[Padma]

Just because some of the noisier parts of our culture are so obsessed with gender identity doesn't mean that you actually need to have one . It may feel more unsettling not to have one, but that doesn't make it wrong or undesirable, just less usual. In my experience, getting a truer sense of my own identity (including gender, sexuality - and all the many other aspects) required first of all learning to enjoy neither grabbing at nor pushing away any parts of it. Let yourself come out from behind your Self... or something .