Am I transexual

[Julie Marie]

Am I Transsexual?  That's always the big question.  And I know of no one way that question can be answered definitively.  For me and many others, it's a simple question of what would make me happiest inside.  For this question to be best answered one has to isolate themselves from all outside influences.  Family, friends, work, any gender specific nurturing one may have had, all have to be set aside and not be even the slightest factor in arriving at an answer.

Now, there can be other issues in your life that can cause a false positive or negative.  I've heard one say they were escaping a life and they felt being of the opposite gender would be the perfect answer as it brings with it different social expectations.  And there may be other things.  These would have to be weeded out.

Imagine losing your male genitals.  Would this cause you distress?  Imagine having a neo-vagina that really doesn't quite "work" all that well, lessened sensitivity, lubrication required as well as a lifetime of dilation.  Would this be better than what you have now?  It's what a lot of girls who physically transition live with every day.

There are compromises one must make.  No one gets a free pass. 

Many a therapist asks a client considering making the transition, "Are you prepared to lose everything?"  Obviously if the answer is "yes", that's a good sign you're trans.  This doesn't mean you will lose everything but being prepared to do so will help you weather any storms that might be coming your way.  Imagine you've lost everything but are full time female.  Would you be happier inside?

You have a lot of questions you have to ask yourself and you'll have to come up with really honest answers.  It's a process that takes time.  Allow yourself that time and you'll arrive at the best answer for you.  In the meantime, try to stay away from hormones.  HRT can be a slippery slope.  If you can make the decision to transition without HRT influencing your thinking, you'll be better off.

[Adrienne May]

Hi, It is so often a dilemma when you have a wife and family. I was also in that situation but found sex very difficult, though I fathered two children. Though I loved my wife and adored the children, I could not go on living as a male. I had to change for I could not reconcile being male with being alive.

If masturbation means a lot to you, then you have to reflect that your sensitivity will never be the same as a female. You will not orgasm as a female. If it is clothes and living as a female and being treated as a female, that is another matter.

Would your family be supportive? How does your wife feel and does she know. There is a lot to consider. How will you support yourself? Can you continue in your career? People will know that you are a transsexual unless you make a perfect transition and there will be hidden discrimination. However, only you can make your mind up. If your life as a male is so unbearable, then there is only one answer.

[Adrienne May]

Excellent advice Julie Marie. Male to female transition is only a compromise that makes life rosier, liveable. You will not be like a natal woman, dilation is a chore which can be painful. Sex will not be satisfactory. One of the hardest hurdles is voice, Hormones will not alter that. Speech therapy can help. Surgery to effect voice change is uncertain. You must think about how to support yourself and family too preferably. Can you remain at least in touch with your family. Have you the guts to ignore the jibes which some will make? Can you come out to your friends? If you can do all these things it makes life so much more bearable.

[Jacelyn]

The question of whether one is a transsexual or not is not determine by status of pre-op or post-op, it is state of mind and sometime lifestyle (dressing up to identify one's gender identity  to oneself and to others).

Then there are barriers to be overcome when one finally have definite realization of one's desired self-gender and want to live it (whether part-time or full-time), the major barrier is passability, most can be be overcome by the right dress and make up, as well as artificial attachment to make the breasts and buttock appeared fuller.

If one has family and kid, this is the barrier in which one has to adapt by maintaining the ability to switch between gender, so the goal of post-op is out of the question, even if one is on HRT, the dosage should ideally be just be enough to appear more feminine due to effect of estrogen, but not high enough to cause permanent impotence. One should discuss this option with doctor if one is to be under such care.

[Karynm8621]

The question of whether one is a transsexual or not is not determine by status of pre-op or post-op, it is state of mind and sometime lifestyle (dressing up to identify one's gender identity  to oneself and to others).

Then there are barriers to be overcome when one finally have definite realization of one's desired self-gender and want to live it (whether part-time or full-time), the major barrier is passability, most can be be overcome by the right dress and make up, as well as artificial attachment to make the breasts and buttock appeared fuller.

If one has family and kid, this is the barrier in which one has to adapt by maintaining the ability to switch between gender, so the goal of post-op is out of the question, even if one is on HRT, the dosage should ideally be just be enough to appear more feminine due to effect of estrogen, but not high enough to cause permanent impotence. One should discuss this option with doctor if one is to be under such care.

This makes no sense what so ever. I'm married for 20 years, I ave a 25 year old and 2 grandchildren. I'm now postop. There is no one answer to this situation and needs to be determined on a cas by case basis

[Jacelyn]

There is no one answer to this situation and needs to be determined on a cas by case basis

Agreed.

[Just Shelly]

I remember when I first started it was very confusing for me. I "thought" I might be transsexual but felt like I needed someone else to confirm it and I felt a bit lost looking for that. It's possible that's what this is here, she is looking for affirmation of what she already believes. For me at that point I was actually afraid of hearing that I was in fact transsexual and kind of hoped that someone would listen to me and comfort me in not being what I feared.

DITTO

I'm still searching for something or someone to tell me I'm not.

Two years ago I couldn't even say the word transsexual, I now can say it certainly but I still hate the word. I know I am not transgendered but I prefer to assimilate myself with that term. I feel that changing my gender has nothing to do with sex.

P.S. I am not enjoying my life as I speak,  I either need to come out or go back in my hole. I don't know what will be worse. Too add to my problems, I NOW am having to search for work, who and the hell is going to hire me.

Oh I wish I could get that optimistic view in life. So nice to read your posts Karyn

[Sephirah]

I'm still searching for something or someone to tell me I'm not.

Would you believe it if you were told that?

Don't really have anything useful to add here except for to give you a big hug, Shelly, and say that the problem with going back into a hole is that once you've experienced the freedom outside it, even if that freedom is simply the chance to see the real you, it can start to feel more like a prison than a refuge.

With regard to work, try not to lose sight of your skills and the things you can do, the talents you worked so hard to gain, by being so introspective about who you are. You're no less valuable now than you were at any other time, and becoming the real you changes nothing with regard to your ability. Let that speak for you.

I sincerely hope you, and everyone here, is able to find a measure of peace within themselves.

[Karynm8621]

P.S. I am not enjoying my life as I speak,  I either need to come out or go back in my hole. I don't know what will be worse. Too add to my problems, I NOW am having to search for work, who and the hell is going to hire me.

Oh I wish I could get that optimistic view in life. So nice to read your posts Karyn

Shelly,

From what I see, you are a beautiful woman and I can't see you being able to go back on so many levels. I can't imagine that you ever hear the sir word.

I get the idea of having to search for work, the world can be a sucky place in this manner right now. Obviously we need ENDA for that reason. I wish I had a good answer other than be confident and remain positive. People are drawn to positive energy and it really makes a huge difference in your daily life.

In 2006 when I slowly started changing I was very scared. I would avoid going places because of fear and would have panic attacks over it. It was so bad I was afraid to simply wear a pair of girls jeans. Not a top or shoes or anything girly, just the jeans. I figured everyone would know and wonder what was wrong with me. No one noticed and the fear I had built up was for nothing. Had I not faced my fear I would have never known anything different.

Even to this day I occasionally have anxiety over being read but it is gradually slipping away. I will notice a guy staring at me and my usual reaction is that they are reading me and not happy. My wife will always say "don't you think he might be just checking you out?"

So my question to you is this. Can you go back? How would that make you feel? Could you live your life as the old you?

If you were here I'd give you a big hug right now and tell you how beautiful you really are

[Angela78]

Natalies,

It's so nice (from my perspective at least!) to hear other people having the same issue.  I could copy and paste your message into my own intro.  Good luck, I hope it works out - I've just started to see a therapist and it's really helping.

Relieved,
Angela

[annette]

Hi Natalies

In the first place... welcome.
When I read your story, I see someone who is confused about the own feelings.
I can tell you, we all were.
I've read some interesting comments and one of the most interesting IMO was from Julie Marie, are you prepared to lose everything?
Because, that's the worst scenario, to lose everything.
As speaking for myself, a more than 25 years post op, I was prepared to lose everything and I did lost everything in the beginning of transition.
What was the reward for that? Well I get a life for it, a life that belongs to me and has made me happy inside.
Just like you I had commitmends, a marriage and a kid, but no life of my own.
Just starting from the scratch again and working hard to build on my new life.
Didn't I have fear for the worst scenario? Off course I did, shivers down my spine and clacking knees and hoping for the best, but there was no other option.
IMHO was living the man's life the same as being in prison, I tried to make the best of it and tried to do the manly things, but it still was a life in prison.
When you write about the question "am I a transsexual" you are asking some confirmation from others, but just like Sephirah said....there is only one who can answer this question and I think deep down inside you know the answer so you don't need any confirmation from others.
The only confirmation you need is from yourself.
For losing everything? Well, when you look around the site, you can find stories that it worked out the good way and people didn't lose everything.
Take a good look for the suggestions of the other girls and find a gendertherapist, sure, they are not on every corner of the street and sometimes you have to take a long drive to reach one but, it's worth it.
Suppose, you have a heartdisease but there is no cardiologist in your neighborhood, what will you do?
After all, we are talking about the rest of your life and I don't think you want to have this dilemma for the rest of your life, graving to be a girl but unsure you are a girl.
So, I suggest, find a specialist who can determine that you have the birth defect or not, it can improve the quality of your life.

I hope you will find the answer to your question.

hugs
Annette

[cindianna_jones]

Am I Transsexual?

I could never envision myself in that cubbyhole. It still took me a very long time to admit it.

For me and many others, it's a simple question of what would make me happiest inside.

For me, it was more like a question of survival or death.

Imagine having a neo-vagina that really doesn't quite "work" all that well, lessened sensitivity, lubrication required as well as a lifetime of dilation.  Would this be better than what you have now?  It's what a lot of girls who physically transition live with every day.

I didn't care about sexual aptitude after surgery. I just wanted IT gone. I had no dilusions about looking or feeling like a genetic woman. I just wanted my life.

There are compromises one must make.  No one gets a free pass. 

Perhaps you could say that I made compromises. But I essentially threw my life to the wind. I lost everything.

"Are you prepared to lose everything?" 

I was prepared and I did lose everything. But I gained a new life.

HRT can be a slippery slope.

And, as in my case, it seemed to do nothing for me except to soften my face some.  This was my experience in just a few words. I literally gave my life to this pursuit.

Cindi

[Jen-Jen]

I say yes you are.