Ive been trying to pluck up the courage to get on with coming out, but things havent been so great lately with depression.
I've decided that I want to explain to my mum, who knows a bit about transgender issues already, that I have been suspecting i am trans for quite a number of years, but while I might simply feel a lack of alignment with the idea of being 'male' I dont necessarily plan on transitioning medically with hormones and surgery. The reason being is while I have the anxiety and sense of body discomfort, I stand to lose more by doing so in my eyes which means unless I somehow take a significant dive in quality of life over this I wont change much.
What I will be doing is feminizing my body in a different way: laser hair removal to remove my male body hair and shape my eyebrows, growing my hair out, reducing my muscle mass through control of my diet and changing my wardrobe. Personally to me, thats as much a transition as I am willing to take currently because from my perspective, my depression and anxiety symptoms came after my feelings about my body, but have definitely contributed to them feeling worse. I would rather get my mental health back in place before I decide if I want to change further than that.
I guess you could say Im transfeminine, leaning towards a fem-androgynous gender now.
I still feel this is something I want to do, because I have trusted my mother absolutely in every area of my life besides this. Last person I did was a friend who claimed she was bi to me (and lesbian to our friends) who then pushed me being trans as a reason we could date. We did, since we were super close and I was feeling the chemistry, she ran off with a girl and claimed because I was bio male it wouldnt work (which by the way, contributed MASSIVELY to my dysphoria being worse for a period. I tried to remain friends till she told me she lied about her sexuality as a cheap break up tactic).
I lost my faith in people after that, and decided maybe having some faith in my mum over this may be a good way to not only start having a supportive role in my life again, but also moving past some of the lingering pain from that ex.
I feel confident this could go well. I've been slowly educating my mum on the subject of gender for a bit thanks to working on a project of it as my elective for uni. So wish me luck and hopefully, I'll be back on here with some good news tomorrow
much love
