Do you ever find your level of masculinity or femininity messes with people?

[Ribbons]

I write a lot, and one of the 'verses of mine has a main character who's MtF. She's quite tomboyish though and I remember I wrote that she cut her hair once, into a pixie cut. But she was referred to constantly as male with short hair, so she went back and grew it out despite the fact she hates long hair.. Yea, she's an insecure teenager.
 
Me personally, I always get people asking me "If you're so girly, why do you want to be a boy?" I don't get it.. A lot of boys are feminine.

So what if I like Hello Kitty and want a bright pink car? People either think I'm gender-confused or gay, my distaste for girls my age doesn't help either. I've never had people bug about my hair. But than again I wear an afro and no one really thinks "Woah.. That dude has long hair", they think "His hair is freakin' poofy."

[eli77]

She's quite tomboyish though and I remember I wrote that she cut her hair once, into a pixie cut. But she was referred to constantly as male with short hair, so she went back and grew it out despite the fact she hates long hair.. Yea, she's an insecure teenager.

Sounds like me other than the teenager part (but definitely including the insecure part). I was terrified I'd be stuck with long hair in order to be gendered female, luckily this didn't come to pass.

The codes of gendered behaviour and appearance are far more rigidly enforced for trans guys and girls, because for whatever reasons people (including trans folk) conflate feminine and female and masculine and male when it comes to us. Never mind that non-trans people regularly fail to follow those rules. Hell my mum is an ex-hippy, and she's still trying to foist lipstick on me.

In the end you just have to tell em gently to piss off, and do as you like.

[JungianZoe]

I'm fairly consistent in my feminine presentation, so when I want to mess with people's brains I just do my Barney voice.   That throws them off pretty good.

[Vincent E.S.]

I haven't been out for very long, so I haven't been acting myself for that long, but if people could think of me as a weird creepy girl who looked like a dude, but liked My Little Pony and causing fear in other people, then they can learn to think of me as a gay guy who loves sportscars, heavy metal music, and playing ATV games on playstation. I think I can  pass fairly easily despite my femininity because I have kinda shaggy hair, dress in dark clothes, and hang out with the druggy kids who are all either gender-bending or somewhat feminine androgynous looking.

I actually confused my therapist at first. She originally thought that I hadn't been presenting as male at all, so one of her first questions to me was, "How do you know that you're not a really masculine lesbian? A dyke?" My response: I'm kinda flamboyant and feminine, and I don't like girls.

(Hello Kitty is awesome!)

[pretty]

Well, I don't think I would want to transition if I felt that I was masculine, wouldn't it kind of defeat the purpose? Though I am not out IRL yet, so I do get some strange looks when I try to be more like myself.

[eli77]

Well, I don't think I would want to transition if I felt that I was masculine, wouldn't it kind of defeat the purpose? Though I am not out IRL yet, so I do get some strange looks when I try to be more like myself.

I'm a girl, therefore anything I wear is girl clothes, and anything I do is something girls do. How I feel about my body and how I dress or the things I like are very, very different things.

Not every girl likes dresses and makeup and dolls and pink. Why would you expect every trans girl to like them?

[pretty]

I'm a girl, therefore anything I wear is girl clothes, and anything I do is something girls do. How I feel about my body and how I dress or the things I like are very, very different things.

Not every girl likes dresses and makeup and dolls and pink. Why would you expect every trans girl to like them?

Umm, I don't know what post you read but I never said anything about dresses, makeup, dolls or pink. I just said that if you feel that you are masculine, which is an overall positive leaning in the male direction, then it seems strange to transition to female because the whole point of transition is to make your body match your mental identity. And it would be strange to transition to male if you felt feminine. This is why people get confused about it. That's all.

[eli77]

Oh, I see. The distinction here is that we were talking about gender expression - masculine/feminine - basically how people behave and dress in terms of the cultural and social expectations of gender. Not male/female - how people self-identify.

So a tomboy, for example, is a person who identifies as female, but behaves/dresses in way that is more masculine.

Me, I identify as female, but the way I dress and the things I like are fairly mixed or androgynous in terms of the social expectations of gender. Which can confuse the hell out of people who expect a transsexual girl to be extremely feminine.

[Nygeel]

People talk about my poof a lot...
I get some crap for not being super manly.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I am aggressive as hell. But does it affect the gender perception? Naw, people just think I am a being a beezy.

[Amaranth]

Behaviorally, I've always been sort of "petite".  But I found it strange that after I came out everyone assumed I'd just stop liking things like Call of Duty, red meat, and outdoor sports. :\

[Mahsa Tezani]

Behaviorally, I've always been sort of "petite".  But I found it strange that after I came out everyone assumed I'd just stop liking things like Call of Duty, red meat, and outdoor sports. :\

In the community I was a part of before, the men who liked sports were a small minority despite the fact that I was dating an openly gay athlete. They would rather discuss lady Gaga and other stuff. You almost had to emphasis the rainbow side to appeal to them.

If anything, I am more into the stuff now. Straight men tend to relate better to you dating wise, if you fully embrace being into UFC, boxing, football, etc. I bought a UFC dvd tonight.

I'm into military history and stuff... I don't think it makes me any less feminine. If anything, men find it more attractive.

I took a photo of HOOTERS for my boys today. I didn't go in though... Even though football was on tonight.

[N.Chaos]

Julie can *not* wrap her head around me. Even though she's known me for 7-8 damn years. She keeps thinking that since "I'm a boy now", I should hate wearing makeup and sewing and all the other ->-bleeped-<-tastic things that make me me.

Oddly, I think she's the only one I know who's weirded out by any of it. Friends online all know me as a walking study in eclectic, most people I know IRL (that are close friends) have seen me enough to know how ridiculously psyched out I get when I'm cooking, how I really don't mind helping female friends shop for clothes/shoes, other definitively non-manly things. 

I think, like I've heard some others say, now that I've finally came out and said it all, and realized that I'm not just a "boyish girl", I'm a lot more comfortable doing all these weird, mildly feminine things. Though, I'll always argue that sewing is *not* girly. And NOT 'pansy'. What's more badass than being able to make your own stuff, and provide for yourself/those around you? So ha.

[eli77]

Though, I'll always argue that sewing is *not* girly. And NOT 'pansy'. What's more badass than being able to make your own stuff, and provide for yourself/those around you? So ha.

You're a man. You sew. So obviously sewing is manly! I, on the other hand, am entirely hopeless with sewing. To my everlasting shame I have to take shirts to a tailor to get buttons put back on.

I can cook though. I love cooking, as long as it's for more than one. My dad taught me.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I spent the better part of my afternoon talking to some guy about sports, UFC, and military stuff. I think I feel more "manlier" now than I ever was as a guy... Not once did he think it was weird.

[Wolfsnake]

She keeps thinking that since "I'm a boy now", I should hate wearing makeup and sewing and all the other ->-bleeped-<-tastic things that make me me.

...

Though, I'll always argue that sewing is *not* girly. And NOT 'pansy'. What's more badass than being able to make your own stuff, and provide for yourself/those around you? So ha.

Sewing is tres manly in my opinion. It's funny how over time, jobs shift in the cultural perception from male to female. It used to be tailoring was a fine masculine job. Now it's "women's work" or the prevue of flamboyant gay men only.

[Keaira]

I think, like I've heard some others say, now that I've finally came out and said it all, and realized that I'm not just a "boyish girl", I'm a lot more comfortable doing all these weird, mildly feminine things. Though, I'll always argue that sewing is *not* girly. And NOT 'pansy'. What's more badass than being able to make your own stuff, and provide for yourself/those around you? So ha.

Not only that, but you use needles! sharp stabby things that can cause pain and make you bleed. Like knives, swords and axes, only tiny. What's not manly about it?

[Ann Onymous]

Umm, I don't know what post you read but I never said anything about dresses, makeup, dolls or pink. I just said that if you feel that you are masculine, which is an overall positive leaning in the male direction, then it seems strange to transition to female because the whole point of transition is to make your body match your mental identity. And it would be strange to transition to male if you felt feminine. This is why people get confused about it. That's all.

so you don't believe some M2F's have the core identity of a butch lesbian?

And yes, through the years, I *have* known some who identified in that manner...hell, there are probably some who might even be tempted to put me in the soft-butch category at times.  The lesbian identity was not a new thing either...that was a core identity firmly established by the time I hit high school some 30-ish years ago.

[Nygeel]

Umm, I don't know what post you read but I never said anything about dresses, makeup, dolls or pink. I just said that if you feel that you are masculine, which is an overall positive leaning in the male direction, then it seems strange to transition to female because the whole point of transition is to make your body match your mental identity. And it would be strange to transition to male if you felt feminine. This is why people get confused about it. That's all.

I give you two tumblr blogs that contradict this...
http://femmeftm.tumblr.com/
http://mtfbutches.tumblr.com/
Enjoy.

[N.Chaos]

Not only that, but you use needles! sharp stabby things that can cause pain and make you bleed. Like knives, swords and axes, only tiny. What's not manly about it?

Exactly! I never knew that tailoring used to be considered a mens job, that's interesting though. Only thing I've seen about it, ironically, was in the musical Fiddler on the Roof. 'Cause the one dude was a tailor.