Hello everybody

[foot_lover_jess]

Ive always hated these intro things, I never kniw what to say. Ill answer anything asked to me, just can never think of what to say on my own.
Ive only recently understood that Im TG. ive been crossdress litteraly my entire life. Ive always dremt of being a woman, or turning into a woman. Unfortunately I live in a small very closed minded conservitive town. Because of this, I really never put it togeather until I went away to college. At that time I was able to bet better clothes and shows and express myself in private much more. I still never considered myself TG though, always CD that would like to be female. Only recently, in the past year have I stop hiding from myself and lieing to meself.
I am TG.
I no longer wear male underwear.
I no longer wear male pants.
I wear womens sandals on weekends.
I always have my toes painted.
I have my fingers match my toes all weekend.
I wear very light, almost clear polish on my fingers all week.
I make sure that I am compleatly smooth and well shaved from my waist down at all times.
I have been on hormones for just over a year now and loving the changes that they have made.

Jess

[sprouts]

Hey Jess-

I'm new here, too.  I'm also from a very conservative town so I know where you're coming from.  I'm having a difficult time finding an endo and a therapist, but that's the way it goes I suppose.  You can't choose what body you're born in and you can't choose where your born, but those are just the challenges we face.  Sounds like you've got a good setup with the schedule!  Have you told any friends or family, yet?

[foot_lover_jess]

Well, since my wife and I share out work pants and panties.... Yep.
Be kinda hard to hide my nails and tevas too.
Unfortunately, Ive progressed further than shes willing to accept, or handle at this point so she doesnt really know how frequently I dress or about the hormones.
She has seen my hips that Ive grown and how all of my features are now softer.
I have two really good friends that will be over for dinner next weekend, and Im sure theyll notice me haveing matching fingers and toes painted with a yellow base and green shatter. I think that I may come out to them if I happen to be sitting outside where I can have some privacy.
Its not quite as scarry now that Im not hiding from myself anymore.
Actually just today I had my first little trip out to a store all on my own.

Have you come out to anyone?
Hows it going for you?

[sprouts]

Wow, that seems pretty tough trying to hide things from your spouse.  Are you self prescribing or do you have an endo?

!

[foot_lover_jess]

Well, home life has become complex in the past year as well for other circumstances unfortunately so she has not seen my breasts...
Shes seen has my thighs have grown nice.
She has seen my lovely wide hips.
She of course knows my work clothes and now knows to only buy me womens clothes. Its not like jeans are femine nor can people see the panties shes gonnten me. But she knows thats what I want.
She knows about my shaved legs, theyve been shaved for years.
shes just seen that ive lost the hair on my chest, but Ive been saying its all from the extraordinary amount of stress that Ive been under lately.
She has seen my chest when my tshirt was stretched a little too tight when I was laying down.
Shes also asked if Im on hormones, obviously shes quite intelegent and hard to hide anything since shes a biologist.
That was a few monts ago now... Shes gotten used to my tittes and we joke about them slightly. I play it off as a not really happy about them, but like them at the same time. Try to call it fat from the stress...
I try to feed her as she can take it.
She didnt kniw how frequently I dressed in her clothes, and I took a few simple pics to show her that what I wear are just normal clothes, nothing sexual, slutty, outlandish, etc.
Everytime she asks me to run an errond, I tell her I will if I can wear the outfit she has on, and quite a few nights Ill joke that I want to wear her days outfit the next day.
Shes not really accepting of TG, but accepts CS.
I cant blame her, she married a male.... She likes male....
Just taking it slow, day to day. Try not to push too much.
Ive been thinking about seeing if I can get her to see if we could get me to pass. Just in the house first, dress fully, makeup, wig, everything.. To get her involved in my outfit and to get her to see me fully dress... Then let that soak in for a while.
Ah, she also knows I wear her capris now too.

[sprouts]

I don't want to pry, so just let me know if I am, but are "other circumstances" maybe being fueled by your transition.  It seems like she may really be aware of what's going on, but just doesn't feel comfortable approaching you about it.  I can't be sure but I would guess that you're moving at a faster pace than she is. 

I was really worried how my GF was going to respond when I came out to her, but she was pretty accepting off the bat.  I think the biggest problem that she had was feeling that she was going to lose the person that she fell in love with and had been in love with for 10 years at that time.  I just reassured her that I'm always going to be me and that I didn't just decide that I was like this; she'd been living with me, like "this," for as long as we'd been together.  I should mention that she's bisexual, but I had no idea how she would feel about a transexual.  Though, it was really really hard to tell her, especially after having kept this from her for so long, but I'm so glad I told her because it has made this part of my life much easier.  It's much easier to get through the rough times when your best friend/life partner knows why your depressed.

I know everyone has different circumstances, but maybe there's something in here of value.  Also, if you need help with anything, let me know.  I really want to help as best I can.

B

[foot_lover_jess]

Not prying. Of course I kinda feel like here, at this point, there is no prying.
Although I cant really say the extact cause, root at this time....
I can say that the issues are NOT do to transitioning. I realise I said I started a year and problems started a year ago as well, but they are unrelated. The only thing thats partly related, is that I needed to be happy, and being male all the time made me misserable. Transitioning makes me happy. Even with where I am now, Im happy. I tuink that Im close to passing, of course I cant post a pic yet..., so I actually went out for a quick run in a store.
It wasnt as stressfull as I thought, nor did I chicken out. Im just trying to become more comfortable with actually being femme. Actually, after that I went back out to Target for an hour in jeans and cute high heels in male mode.
I am moving at a faster pace, but its not totally a pace, its more of a catching up with what I lied to myself about for 30 years. Im just accepting myself as TG. She is moving much more slowly, but again, I fully understand since she married male and is attracted to males. Partly because of this, Id rather live part time. In a place that I could pass and masc. woman when I go out.
Well, she knows Im considering myself TG. So thats done. Of course shes known I dress since we met, and that Id love to trade bodies with her for years.
The place Im at is that I now know Im TG, and thats hard.
Like I said, she shops for me. She just bought me a pair of curvy womens jeens from Target. She knows Im an 8. She know IM size 11 heel.
The parts she doesnt know are
How frequently I DREss.
The Im on hormones.
I know thats shes concerned about loosing who she married, since the hormones do change chemicals and, clearly, emotions (now that I have them!), body shape, and thought prossess and other things.
Shes also greatly concerned, as I am, about my income. I make... quite a good number, and we live in an ultra conservative area so comming out at work is never an option. So shes concerned if anyone saw me and its income impact.
I dont lilke hiding the hormones, but shes no where near ready to know about them. Shed be furious that I started them and didnt tell her. Im trying to get her to a point where I can say "id like to start", and get her to accept that.

[foot_lover_jess]

I ramble, dont I...?

[foot_lover_jess]

Shes also seen Ive lost a ton of chest hair but some remains...
Im going to judge her responce to me saying that Im just going to shave the rest off. Hopefully its eh, and I can get her used to the idea, then I can.
I want to do as little she doesnt know about as I can, while doing what I feel that I need.
Fine line, right?

[sprouts]

I don't know.  To be honest, it makes me stressful reading about your situation.  Part of me completely agrees with how you're handling things but another part of me gets really emotional when I'm reading it.  BTW, I'm not having a hard time following you.  So if you're rambling, you're easy to understand.

You know, you're absolutely right about hormones affecting personality/mood.  I'm not an endocrinologist and I don't have a degree in cognitive science, so I can't say to what degree if any hormones will reshape your personality.  I don't want to go into what my profession is but I will say that I have a thorough background in medicinal/chemical science, and want to remind you that there are many many neurotransmitters in the body that also affect mood/personality.  Also, you have been on hormones for over a year, I think if you've had any significant personality changes she most likely would have picked up on those.  I'm not on HRT yet, so I really can't speak from personal experience.

Again, let me know how things go and if you need any support.

Getting sleepy, I'll check back tomorrow.

[foot_lover_jess]

yea... my situation stresses me too. But what is anyone in transition going to do. Ive never heard of any TG having a simple, easy, time.
Emotional how? Not quite sure what that means.
Hormones gave me huge emotions, damn. Let me count the ways.
I cry at the sappy bits in movies now.
I get emotionally hurt very easyily now ( shes noticed that, and doesnt like it)
At first I lost almost all taste, but everything tastes better... Well, good stuff is better and bad is horrid.
I can smell so much more now.
All my hair grows more slowly (wifes noticed bread is slower) head hair at normal rate.
Im much more empathetic now.
Hot and Cold flashes.
Not a flash, but harder to control body temp. My body used to always be hot, used to be an oven. But now i get cold really easy.
Ive lost most of the torso hair (she saw chest, but thought i shaved)
Testicles have recended and are compleatly up in me.
Thick thighs.
Wide hips (she commented on)
Big ass
Breasts, du(she saw from the tight shirt)
Softer all over (shes commented my hands look plump and my face something, but better)
Arm hair is thinner and lighter.
Hips sway, but thats because of the fat id imagine.
cant think of anything else.
Were both quite educated, and understand all of that fun so were quite aware of what messing with chemical balances can do.
What the hormones have NOT changed
Love for my wife
sexual identity for women
Major thought process.
Actions for my wife.

But yes, I suspect that all emotional, brain changes, etc that would happen, after a year are good and done. I feel as though its only physical changes at this point. So I know thats not a concern, only that she feels it is.

Really the major changes are obviously physical, emotions, sences.

Actually, Id love to know if you think Im passible, what I should do, and how I look.

[foot_lover_jess]

Yeay! I can have an avatar now... Um, how do you post a picture?

[Devlyn]

Hi Jess, welcome to Susans! We're always happy to meet a new friend here! I hope you enjoy the site, hugs, Tracey

[foot_lover_jess]

So for example, my responces this morning to her were.
her: Im going grociery shopping, want anything?
me: Cute outfit.
her: you ever going to stop being stupid? (this is in relation to the other problem)
me: You accept, I accept.
her: okay

So, see, I try to get her used to it, and shes not tottally against the entire idea. Of course this could be a great deal if I could accept.... :/

[xxchriscsxx]

Welcome to the site, I'm also from a conservative town so I know your pain, I still get lots of stares from my clothes

[Amazon]

Hi, Jess!!!!

[foot_lover_jess]

Hi, Jess!!!!