When it comes to, was/is GRS the right thing to do !

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

I know this might sound like a strange question but I'll ask it anyway[there's a good reason for me asking this]

In regards to having surgery... how many years must pass before one can 'safely' say they did the right thing ?

There have been cases where so called transsexual people have had surgery and lived for the most part quite successful lives for a number of years , but then whatever  was still bugging them finally comes to the surface and they end up de-transitioning[ well as best as they can anyway]

One person I saw in a documentary a few years back about a English M2F2M who had been living post op for over twenty years then lost her partner of many years and from there on, it all went down hill so to speak, and she/he ended up reverting back the living as a male[be it a somewhat strange looking, and sadly deeply depressed male]...

Did s/he really suffer from the  "transsexual" condition ?

And was surgery the right thing to do[at the time] ?

Now most of us could say  "But I'm not that person –I'd never do that-etc etc!" which could well be true in most cases...

But the reality is for some "Only time will tell!"

In my case, I have the good fortune to blend in and have the loving support of all my children and surrounded by nice laidback people some who know of my past many who don't, plus my family/relatives back in the UK are accepting and supportive...

I'm not wealthy by any means but I'm content with my life, one could say my transition was a success, so in this sense I'm successful...I've got no reason whatsoever to live as a male again-no family pressure, religious pressure, social pressure, no relationship issues, no guilt, no "penis" [I throw the last one in just for the effects  ]...

My decision was made when I went fulltime [before the good fortune of having free surgery] I said to myself, "This is who I am, and who I really was and will always be !"

However some post ops are still finding it hard to come to terms with loss of family, friends, etc and have the all to real fear of rejection and loneliness ...

This is not meant to be a depressing thread-just a reality check for some...   

Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

Why do we bother to discuss anything post-op. It has little value to the community apparently other than a stealing of information we learned through our pain and months and months of dilation and integration into society with a shifting of perspective of ourselves. It is the great divide.

It only has value to us and we know the answers too well.

Im sorry. I think its time for me to take a break from the site. I have no value here.

Best to you Zenda. You have been an inspiration and I for one have appreciatedcyour leadership.

Hugs,

Val

Kia Ora Val,

It's good to take a break every now and again...My advice is, enjoy the break and don't think about what 'was'[past events]- focus on what's happening now and enjoy the moment...

Enjoy your break Val, come back when you're ready and rested...

Metta Zenda

[FairyGirl]

Why do we bother to discuss anything post-op. It has little value to the community apparently other than a stealing of information we learned through our pain and months and months of dilation and integration into society with a shifting of perspective of ourselves. It is the great divide.

No one who hasn't been through it understands it.  That isn't being elitist, it is the fundamental nature of it.  Doesn't matter how many doctors you talk to or best friends you have who have been through it.  The experience itself is simply non-transferable.  Neither myself nor any other post-op woman I know will tell you, "Oh it's just exactly what I expected it to be".  It is unfathomably more.

Hi Zenda   In regards to your question, I can tell you with absolute confidence that after experiencing this healing, this peace, this rightness of being, this ability to be myself with no pretense, all of which I had never before known, and all of which SRS brought to me after a full lifetime of the most horrific suffering and sadness from being born into the wrong body, I am more sure of this than I am of tomorrow's sunrise.  What else can I say? It is Who I Am.  It is burned into the essence of my being, carved into my heart with the surgeon's scalpel, and will never, not ever, be taken away from me.  It is mine forever till my body is dust, till my soul is no more, and that suits me just perfectly fine.

[Anatta]

Hi Zenda   In regards to your question, I can tell you with absolute confidence that after experiencing this healing, this peace, this rightness of being, this ability to be myself with no pretense, all of which I had never before known, and all of which SRS brought to me after a full lifetime of the most horrific suffering and sadness from being born into the wrong body, I am more sure of this than I am of tomorrow's sunrise.  What else can I say? It is Who I Am.  It is burned into the essence of my being, carved into my heart with the surgeon's scalpel, and will never, not ever, be taken away from me.  It is mine forever till my body is dust, till my soul is no more, and that suits me just perfectly fine.

Kia Ora Fairy,

For many of us there's no question of going back once we've made our decision-the past is dead and gone - But for some once the euphoria of the transition wears off[which could take years in some cases] and reality sets in, and things start to go wrong in their life-Sadly regrets could become the norm for them-creating a desire to return to a past life...

But it sounds like you have finally found the missing piece to your puzzled life...I'm truly happy for you...

Metta Zenda

[AbraCadabra]

I think there is one dang simple answer: "We never can know the future..." or in other words "Only time will tell".

Are we squarely overlooking that (brain)gender CAN shift over time? That it is maybe NOT as solidly fixed? If so, it may well contribute to some of these reported cases. Who will know?

I think going to get SRS is one big step and you can do "analysis paralysis" on any subject, and SRS being one REALLY good one for just THAT. It will be your inner drive, zeal, tension, need, desire, must do, etc. that will guide you. Never mind lack or availability of funding!

There will NEVER be a right answer, you have to make your answer right, - what ever it is you decided or HAD to decide.

Lastly I am a bit saddened that Val feels the way she does. Yet a break will be also good for doing some REAL things other than to keep on grooving up to our ears in gender issues.
I can see how this can get a bit much at times.
And Val, I do wish you a good breather from all those more recent "heavies".
I for one, did much appreciate to have you around, you will be missed.
Hug,
Axelle

[FairyGirl]

In my case, I have the good fortune to blend in and have the loving support of all my children and surrounded by nice laidback people some who know of my past many who don't, plus my family/relatives back in the UK are accepting and supportive...

I'm not wealthy by any means but I'm content with my life, one could say my transition was a success, so in this sense I'm successful...I've got no reason whatsoever to live as a male again-no family pressure, religious pressure, social pressure, no relationship issues, no guilt, no "penis" [I throw the last one in just for the effects  ]...

My decision was made when I went fulltime [before the good fortune of having free surgery] I said to myself, "This is who I am, and who I really was and will always be !"

It is wonderful that you are so confident!    But we must beware of this dreaded "shifting gender syndrome", for it can strike when we least expect it! haha

[Susan Kay]

If I thought that SRS was the answer to all my problems, that getting a vagina would make everything all right, then I was in for a terrible shock. As I realized that I had a lot of problems, not just GID some of them intertwined with gender others not even remotely connected, eliminating the GID problem would not turn me into Cinderella. There were no glass slippers, There will be no Prince Charming (maybe not even Prince Bozo).

But - SRS did in fact eliminate the GID problem. Gone. Dead. Beat into the ground, covered over and walked away from. Now I can work on what other problems that remain. And probably the new ones that surface as well. If I was always female at heart, had a male body and life for 65 years, helping the body to catch up won't make me second guess my decision for a minute. Girl-power rules this person, period.

Susan Kay

[spacial]

OK, perhaps I'm not one of those you want to respond but I will in any case.

There are four issues here and I think they need to be taken separately.

The physical transision. This is, essentially irreversable. The expansion of breast tissue can be removed. But whether we are talking about MtFtM or FtMtF, all that can be done is to alter the hrt regieme, if any Dr would agree to it.

The emotional experience is set in stone. What happened, is a fact of your personal history. It doesn't matter to what extent you have transisioned, be it from telling just one person, to completing SRS and living for 20+ years. It's all a fact.

The third issue is is it possible. I suggest, and I may be wrong, that this individual was a male, became a female and is now a former transsexual. That is a third state.

That leads to the fourth issue, which I believe is the most important. Why would anyone decide, especially after SRS, to change back?

This seems to me to open a number of points, the relative significance of each is a matter for discussion.

We can change many things about our lives and it is generally quite a good idea to do so. A new career, a new neighbourhood. A new marriage even. Now we might think that attempting to change our gender is a bit beyond the range of these. However, if the individual feels they can do this, even to the extent to announcing it, then it really isn't. It could equally be seen as simply a new chapter in their life. A new phase. A new experience.

But can a person revert? If I leave my job and start a new one. After a period of time, I go back to my old job. Can I say this is reverting? My relationships with my co-workers will be forever altered. I will be the one who left then came back.

Equally, with switching gender. I might start off with the reputation of Charlie Sheen. Then transision, to any extent. Later I revert, but do I really? Even if no-one ever found out, I would know. My personal experience will forever be altered.

I suggest it is a falacy that we can change back. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, especially when I first heard of the case of Charles Kane. I didn't rush into any sort of judgement in that or similar cases. I really did try to consider the issues.

What is relevenat here isn't the decision to switch identities, back and forward. What is relevant here is asking for attention. The individual in the opening post, cited by Zenda seems to have sought attention for their decision. That is the relevant point. That this person has changed from male to female. Then later, to former transgender.

A comparison. You marry. You divorce, you marry again. Those of us who are married will, I'm sure, confirm that that divorce period will always be part of the remarriage. The second marriage will always be distinct from the first.

Randon thoughts.

[FairyGirl]

I suggest it is a falacy that we can change back.

good point.   That person is dead and gone and bless his poor little sad heart, I don't miss him.  But I've always been a girl; if the previous condition of my body didn't change that fact, then finally being corrected surely will not.

Zenda also mentioned something- this business about not being able to assimilate or cope with the losses, whatever.  But I promise I didn't lose anything worth keeping.  I have so much more now than anything I lost.  To me it would be like being finally cured of terminal cancer and then saying life didn't turn out like I planned, I want my cancer back lol

[Anatta]

OK, perhaps I'm not one of those you want to respond but I will in any case.
I suggest it is a falacy that we can change back. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this, especially when I first heard of the case of Charles Kane. I didn't rush into any sort of judgement in that or similar cases. I really did try to consider the issues.

Kia Ora,

All are welcome in the house of 'Zenda" Spacial 

I remember reading 'Samantha' Kane's book and how 'happy' s/he was being a woman...Then a few years later reading about hir de-transition...

It can be said when it comes whether or not ones decision to have surgery is/was the 'Right Thing To Do'  "Mother Nature may have a hand in it, but... Only 'Father Time' Can Tell !"

Metta Zenda
 

[Debra]

But for some once the euphoria of the transition wears off[which could take years in some cases] and reality sets in, and things start to go wrong in their life-Sadly regrets could become the norm for them-creating a desire to return to a past life...

I understand that this is a possibility but I can't quite fathom it in my own life. Then again those who have experienced that regret and de-transitioned probably did not fathom it either.

I will say that I have experienced the sadness and the hurt throughout transition and yet the reality of the change of being me has made so much more sense in so many ways. The negative with the positive. I suppose we'll see in 20 years for sure....haha....but I definitely can't see ever going back....esp when every step I've taken has felt more right than anything else in my life ever has.

A comparison. You marry. You divorce, you marry again. Those of us who are married will, I'm sure, confirm that that divorce period will always be part of the remarriage. The second marriage will always be distinct from the first.

I like this, it makes sense. The old life was the old life....even if we ever did go back, it would NEVER be the same.....in so many ways. Each new iteration of our lives becomes a new part of ourselves and changes us. There is no going back.