Do you think this was cruel of me?

[xXRebeccaXx]

Someone commented on Chaz Bono's "It Gets Better" video saying:
"I have cancer. My chances of surviving depend on finding a GYN/ONC whose specialty is surgery for "female" cancers. Only 1000 of these surgeons in the US means only 30% of women get the right surgery. I'm angry watching a surgeon remove healthy breasts and choosing to cater to people like Chaz who won't die if they have to live with breasts while women with cancer will die. I realize people may kill themselves who can't get sex changes but that's their choice. Dying of cancer isn't a choice."

And I said:
"You have cancer.
Sorry to hear that. But that related to transsexualism how?? You should get over yourself."

Do you think I was a bit too blunt? I mean c'mon though, this person is selfish as hell to think just because she's dying of breast cancer that a man should be forced to keep his breasts.

[Kentrie]

That's not nearly as bad as what I would have said.

[Natkat]

cancer or not I find it extremly rude of her,

that would be for me like saying if your having a serious sickness then thats the only thing we cant help people with and everyone ells who wont die of it just has to suffer untill we can prove they actually can die.
----
and to say there the own choice, whos choice is it in the end,
I know kiling yourself is yourself a desision but when I where trying suicide it wasnt because I wanted to kill myself but because I felt a presure from people outside not to fit in there world, so who is the blame when we come to an end..

beside, the thing about you cant die of it, I wont agree neither would I disagree..
I dont think I am the only ftm who have health problems with lungs and my bag,
I have been binding since I where young, and I have been awared of the posibilatys that it would kill me because my lungs got very hurt and still are pretty weak compared to my young age and so on.

[Renard]

I don't see that as cruel at all. Blunt, sure, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Also, I wasn't aware oncologists were flocking to the oh-so-booming business of FTM chest surgery.
Especially considering it's usually done by plastic surgeons (from what I know) 

[rensie]

The part where you said 'you should get over yourself', sounds a little harsh considering she's got cancer and we all know cancer is not totally beatable in all cases and she's probably venting from the fear she's feeling about possibly dying.  Prejudice comes from fear.  I like how you questioned her about how the two (her cancer and Chaz) are related because she might as well yell at all the people getting knee replacements and face lifts.

[Bahzi]

Also, I wasn't aware oncologists were flocking to the oh-so-booming business of FTM chest surgery.
Especially considering it's usually done by plastic surgeons (from what I know) 

Yeah, that's why aside from just being selfish and wanting to blame someone for her situation, her trans hate just doesn't make sense.  I replied to her with the bit about plastic surgeons doing FTM mastectomies. 

And Scarlet, I don't think your reply to her was cruel, she was being more than a little ridiculous.  Spreading around more bad feelings when you feel like ->-bleeped-<- surely won't help you or anyone else, and while cancer is awful, it isn't particularly fun to be transgender either.  I refuse to get into who has it worse, but while I personally constantly remind myself to be grateful to not have crippling dysphoria or a life-threatening disease, I know a lot of trans people who have suffered horribly for many years.   You can be sick and still have a positive attitude, or you can be self-pitying and try get some company for your misery.  Research shows that the former may help you beat cancer or serious illness, and at the least, the latter surely won't win friends or sympathy.

[JungianZoe]

I agree with the general consensus that it wasn't a bad response.  I can understand the person's frustration because cancer is... well... cancer.  What can you say about it?  But their argument is as ridiculous as being angry with a cardio surgeon for not taking up oncology as their specialty.  They went to med school, they trained to be a surgeon, it's a wasted resource, right?

Basically, the person had the right tone, the right emotions for her situation, but the wrong outlet.

[Sharky]

I don't think you were being crule. She had it coming. Alot of people in my family dies of cancer. Just buried an uncle a few months ago. Have an aunt who has only a few months left. And another aunt who's on radiation and what not and is doing ok. Being trans is not a choice any more than getting cancer is. Actually some of your choices can give you cancer. My uncle thinks some of the jobs he did put him at a higher risk. He used to get rid of anything no questions asked. Some companies would give him hazardous stuff. He also mentioned asbestos removal. Plus he was a smoker.


Having 1000 surgeons to pick from sounds like a fortunate thing to me. Is there a country with more? Sounds like 70% of those women should have researched their choice of doctor more. She should be happy she has choice of who to see and that she has access to a higher standard of health care that the majority of women in the world don't even get.

[tekla]

I would have gone with "then hurry up and die already, your cancer is bumming out my lifestyle", but I'll give you a B+.

[anibioman]

thats kind of mean. but she is really wrong trans guys can get breast cancer too, if their not breasts arent removed. transsexualism and depression are not a choice, so suicide not really a choice.

[tekla]

Less mean that what the OP wrote, at least I didn't try to cover it up by drizzling fake sympathy all over it.  And if you don't think that what the OP wrote was mean, then OK, let's test drive it ...   depression are not a choice, so suicide not really a choice  - Oh get over yourself!  Now is it mean?

[bojangles]

I don't perceive your answer as cruel.
I do perceive her comments as stupid.

Maybe those of us who have to pay out of pocket for everything should be mad at cancer patients who have insurance coverage.
No, that would also be stupid.

[420NEKO]

I think it may have been a bit rude, but honestly, she brought it upon herself.

After all, she did say it was their choice if they killed themselves. I don't know about anyone else, but when I was on the verge of suicide it wasn't like a choice. My mind was so messed up from being depressed that I couldn't think straight.

[tekla]

Hey, if you're not going to cut slack for someone with cancer who is looking at a terminal situation, if you think it's somehow OK to tell someone in that situation to 'get over themselves', then wow.  I mean I wouldn't even go that far, as I was trying to illustrate above.

[Nygeel]

Yea, your response was probably just as screwed up as hers.

[Squirrel698]

I agree with Nygeel and Tekla

You are not going to stop someone being mean and thoughtless by being mean and thoughtless to them.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  One bird in hand is better than two in the bush.  A thousand other cliché's.

Now you've just given her ammunition to go off and talk about how heartless trans people are.  Right now we need better PR than that.  Although I could point out that many people Do think cancer is a choice.  You choose to eat all those foods with corn syrup, right?  You choose to not breastfeed your baby.  You choose to inhale carcinogens into your lungs. 

I could also point out that her surgery will most likely be covered by insurance.  Whereas with trans people in this country, it is not.  However putting people on the defensive usually doesn't work out well.   

How would I have responded?  "I'm very sorry to hear about your struggles with cancer.  I can't even imagine what it must be like in your shoes.  I'm transgender and I have my own difficult road.   I'm not Chaz but I can tell you the question of surgery is always a hard decision.  No one takes it lightly.  It is a step people make because it is what they need to do.  I wish you the best and a speedy recovery." 

[Hayzer12]

The "get over yourself" was pretty messed up..

BUT, her relating being trans to having breast cancer was completely <expletive deleted by moderator>. That's like saying we shouldn't eat because people are starving in other countries

I agree with what the person said above me as to what I would have said ^^^

[Bahzi]

Well she replied to my comment:

@Bahzi23 - It will only be a matter of time before we all have to pay for this type of surgery because people like Chaz will fight for insurance coverage. We'll all have to pay for this type of unnecessary surgery. As I stated before, Chaz Bono can get through life with tits. My cancer is now considered cured because my Oncologist is one of the best and he made the selfless decision to try to save women from dying from female cancers instead of choosing a frivolous career lobbing off breasts.

I can't figure out how to reply because my original comment nor her reply are showing up for me on the Youtube comment page, this was just in my messages.  It doesn't matter though, she's just shouting from a soap box.   Why even argue?  She's clearly not interested in any viewpoint but her own, and me pointing out that most surgeons who do top surgery had their plates full with boob jobs for cis-women and tummy tucks without our business wouldn't make a difference.   ALL NON ONCOLOGY SURGEONS ARE SELFISH GAIZ!!111   That sort of obnoxious feminist used to really bother me, but I've come across so many that I can barely manage indignance anymore.   Argue with them and you're vindicating them.   Her latest comment is just bashing Chaz for his weight, so I really don't care what else she has to say.   

[VeryGnawty]

"I'm angry watching a surgeon remove healthy breasts and choosing to cater to people like Chaz who won't die if they have to live with breasts while women with cancer will die. I realize people may kill themselves who can't get sex changes but that's their choice. Dying of cancer isn't a choice."

I disagree with this assessment.  Emotional damage is just as real as physical damage.  If the source of that damage is out of your control (which GID seems to be) then someone driven to suicide because of body dysphoria is not entirely different from someone about to die of cancer.

It's like I said before, the argument of "choice" is a very stupid argument.  You have a choice to die, a choice to live out your lifetime in a damned hell where you are miserable all of the time, or a choice to transition.  It would be like a criminal holding a gun to your head and instructing you to give him your cash.  You have to choice to hand over the cash, or get shot in the head.  Anyone with an ounce of understanding knows that there is no good choice in this scenario, and the ONLY solution is to get out of the predicament in the first place.  GID is the same way.

If I didn't have a way to become more feminine, I would probably already be dead.  It's not that I would have made a choice to die.  Rather, I would have made a choice not to continue a living hell that made me hate life every single day.  That is the "choice" which this woman is so callously dismissing.

[Natkat]

i'm sorry if I sound very hard on this but I dont see people even should be friendly to her.

I knew way to many of these kind of people who feel its okay to let other down because there felling down themself, and NO its not, I understand if the person has something to do with it but to make it clear
Transgender and cancer dosent have anything to do with each other.
yeah ftm makes surgery, but so do people having there breast lager, smaller or so on, is there also to blame for having cancer? no, no one is to blame for getting cancer, its not really something you deside, neither is being trans.

I am not sure if people would consider being friendly to her if she didnt had cancer,

sure she can be frustated but litterally teling people that "its just there own fault they die"
is over my words,
if I die or any other transgender then it just themself to blame. I cant even show the smallest respect for a person saying that no matter how horrible the persons situation is, if people think I can just go and die then they can go and die as well.

when thats said I once got a very dear friend who where trans, he was scared of comming out and when he did his whole famely didnt want to see him again, and his boyfriend wanted to devorse,
the last thing I heard from him where he got on the hospital for cancer, and I asume he died cause I never got to hear anything more from him.

the person where living under a horrible situation in so many ways, and still I always remind the person as a loving person,
so you see its posible to be friendly even if your down,