What if's and why's of staying or not staying from the TS's point of view

[Julie Marie]

There have been a lot of threads about relationships and as an SO I see a lot of our why's and why not's of staying....I am curious why a TS person stays with their SO before, during and after transition. I am looking for multiple scenario answers. In other words...1. let's say a TS person reveals their secret to their SO, the SO is unhappy but willing to try for the marriage and/or childrens sake, or 2. the SO is ok with the whole thing, or 3. the SO is ok with portions of the transition like dressing etc but not hrt or srs, or 4. the SO is willing to go with the flow but the relationship moves to merely friendship and not more? What kind of relationships do these become? Does having children make a difference? Is a friendship enough for the marriage? What if the SO meets and finds someone new during these times? What if the TS meets and finds someone new during these times? What makes a TS person decide to stay or decide to go?
Lots of questions I know....

In scenario 1: It probably won't work but with a marriage and kids involved we tend to do just about anything to keep family intact.  Scenario 2: If the SO is okay with the whole thing, why would you want to leave so long as you are still in love or have a great relationship?  Scenario 3: If you are TS, then transitioning is inevitable.  We may fool ourselves for years or decades but there will come a time when you can no longer deny who you are.  So this relationship will most likely either have to change or it will fail.  Scenario 4: If the SO is willing to go with the flow that's just like any compromise couples make to stay together.  They see what they have is important enough to stay together but with agreed upon changes.

Having children makes a huge difference.

A relationship can easily survive on friendship, respect and love.  Love doesn't have to include sex.

IF the SO or the TS meets someone else then that means they were looking.  If they were looking they weren't happy in the relationship and it was destined to fail.

What makes a TS decide to stay or go is the same thing that makes anyone want to stay or go in any relationship.  Either you are happy or you're not.

Julie

[Jessica]

You all are going to think I am insane, that's nothing new though.

My big answer to this is: Loyalty.

I gave my word, and while yes, I told her before asking her to marry, I still gave my word.

My word, to the letter, was "Until Death Parts Us."

I will deal with this until I can't deal with this anymore.

[Aurora]

My SO was always in love with my femininity.  I was in love with hers.  Our problems started when our sexualities never matched.  Even years before I understood myself, I could never understand why she was not attracted to women.  I just could never understand her sexuality.  After I had come out, she was ok with it at first.  As I began to be more and more myself, she started to resent me.  I just wanted her to leave me, but we still gave it our best.  She was mad at me for coming out to my family.  This I knew proved she thought it was just a phase.  Eventually her parents found out, and moved her out.  I look back now and feel it was a blessing. 

At the time I had so much resentment of myself for what I was putting her threw.  We have a one year old daughter together, so we still keep in touch.  Her parents hate me, and everything I stand for, and that is who she lives with now.  She now feels that I would not be a good mother, and I should not be trusted.  Now because she gave birth, it is her "god" given right to be the mother.    It is not so bad though because her lawyer seems to agree with my lawyer about our custody dispute. 

So at first she was "OK" with it, now it's just a big mess mostly from outside prejudice I am sure.  I had lived in the "maybe" relationship, and now understand "maybe" is something I should have never accepted.