Subtle But Major Changes

[Julie Marie]

If you were to describe the changes that happened to you as you walked on the path to transition what changes sneaked up on you?  By that I mean you found yourself acting in a way that was different than the way you would have before embarking on this path.  You are just being you, without any forced or conscious effort to BE something and then you stop and realize these feelings or actions are relatively new.

The other day I was pulling up to the grocery store.  A guy rolled in on a Harley.  The temperature was in the high 30's and that compelled me to see how he was dressed.  I was expecting to see hand warmers, full face shield on his helmet, bulky clothing.  But instead I saw a sunglasses, leather jacket, black pants, black hair and a really cute face on a lean body.  I just looked at him and then my thoughts turned to how I looked.  I was upset I looked like I did (I was coming back from a work meeting so I was mostly drab).  I was wishing I was in my favorite black outfit, jeans with studded belt, scoop neck top showing a bit of cleavage, high heeled boots and hooded fur jacket and gloves.  Sure, I'd have shades on too.  I thought we'd look very cool together and pictured me riding on back with my arms wrapped around him.  I really got into this.

Then I was reminded how I really looked at the moment and went into the store.  But I couldn't get this guy out of my head.  Something very subtly creeped into my thoughts, "I've never looked at a guy that way before.  I've never thought of a guy that way before."  But I wasn't at all bothered by how I felt.  It was perfectly natural to me.  I wasn't shocked or repulsed but found it rather enjoyable.

On your path to transition has anything like that happened to you?  Where you felt something totally new but it felt perfectly normal?

Julie

I'm changing in the eyes of others but what is really happening is the woman in me is emerging and I couldn't be happier.

[Kate]

Yup, the guy thing is what surprised me the most so far. Especially how automatic and subconscious it is, it freaks me out. I keep finding myself STARING at some cute guy, and... worse... flirting like heck sometimes, blushing from it, giggling... feeling embarassed and blushing more... talking a mile a minute and tripping all over my own words...

And how badly I *crave* them. Not for sex per se, but to make them want ME, adore me, think I'm cute and protect me, kiss the back of my neck, wrap around me... and to be able to turn him on with my femininity, to tease and please...

Ahem.

Yes, this surprised me. Quite a bit, actually. Where'd THAT come from?

Kate

P.S. And for my wife, should she ever read this: no, that does NOT mean I'd DO it or NEED it. It's just how I feel, and I don't see "resisting" this as being any different than how men "resist other women" when in a marriage. An besides, it's not like this is ever going to be a possibility anyway...

[Sheila]

I will have to admit, I too was enamored with one guy. He was the father of one of my children that I pick up and take home. He is cute, he is my age, but I know his wife really well as we talk a lot about their child. I thought about him for a long time, this was about two years ago. I still pick up his child and everything is still the same. He is still cute in my eyes and that is one guy I would let do anything to me and wish he would. LOL
Sheila

[Nikki_W]

An besides, it's not like this is ever going to be a possibility anyway...

Where have I heard that before? :-)

[Melissa]

I know there's this one guy at work whom I just melt over.  I actually was working with him pretty close while working as a guy because I was actually taking over his old position and I'm sure I must have looked pretty silly back then and looked like I was gay or something.  It REALLY freaked me out when I first developed a crush because I was not in my realm of control.  He's been really cool with how he treats me though and we talk occasionally.  Unfortunately he's married.

Melissa

[Melissa-kitty]

*pops popcorn and sits down to watch THIS thread a long while!*

LOL! OK, the only time I have really felt this is when I met my psychologist the first time! LOL! So, the first person I told this to, a long term stealther, said to vamp him! LOL! Still can't stop giggling over that one!

[Krisstina]

I had long stopped trying to work on my voice which used to cause people to look at me suddenly with surprised. I just gave up on that one which is odd for me because I'm pretty meticulous about all aspects of my transition. I think over this last year my voice has developed more feminine highs and lows all by itself.

I first started to notice the difference talking on the phone then that caused me to pay attention and I noticed people had stopped the sudden reaction they had when this woman they saw suddenly sounded like a man.

YOU HAVE TO LOVE THE FREEBIES !!!!!!


Kristina

[cindianna_jones]

What I found surprising is that men actually wanted me.  I had dates.  I found myself turning men down which was something that I could not have fathomed in a previous life.  I discovered that they would buy things for me.  I'm glad I never took advantage of that.... it would make me feel sooo guilty.

And to top it all off... I wasn't all that interested in guys.  I still longed for a girlfriend.  I was surprised when all that changed too

Cindi

[Julie Marie]

What I found surprising is that men actually wanted me.  I had dates.  I found myself turning men down which was something that I could not have fathomed in a previous life.  I discovered that they would buy things for me.  I'm glad I never took advantage of that.... it would make me feel sooo guilty.

And to top it all off... I wasn't all that interested in guys.  I still longed for a girlfriend.  I was surprised when all that changed too

Cindi

I find myself daydreaming of being in a relationship where someone takes care of me and wants to do things for me, like buy me things.  It's not the materialistic aspect of it, it's just the idea that someone would go out of their way to so something that shows their love. 

I'm still very attracted to women but there are those moments that I wouldn't mind the attention of a man.

Julie

[Suzy]

I'm still very attracted to women but there are those moments that I wouldn't mind the attention of a man.
Julie

Julie, I never would have identified with this statement until about a week ago.  That was the first time I was flirted up by a guy.  Sure feels different being on the other side.  At first I was irritated, but then I decided that the attention was not a bad thing.  Not bad at all, now that I come to think about it.

Kristi

[cindianna_jones]

I find myself daydreaming of being in a relationship where someone takes care of me and wants to do things for me, like buy me things.  It's not the materialistic aspect of it, it's just the idea that someone would go out of their way to so something that shows their love. 

I'm still very attracted to women but there are those moments that I wouldn't mind the attention of a man.

Julie[/color][/font][/size]

Even though I've been married for many years now.... 15 or so, I've always maintained a financially independent stance.  But the past couple of years have been different.  Brick has been taking more and more of the financial responsibility.  He told me today that I shouldn't worry about producing an income. No, we aren't well off; we aren't even comfortably loaded.  I really should keep working. But the thing is, he told me that I didn't have to!  That in itself had a wonderfully soothing feeling.  I know that he will take care of me if it comes to that.

Yes Julie, there are times when taking a traditional role is very very tempting.

Cindi

[Julie Marie]

Yes Julie, there are times when taking a traditional role is very very tempting.

Cindi

The concept of traditional roles makes me wonder how much of it is the result of men and women WANTING to take on those rolls.  I say that despite the years of protest that women have made claiming they want all that men have. 

With these changes happening within me, I can fully understand the comfort women have enjoyed not having to be at the top of the pyramid where you have no one above you to give you a sense of security, that feeling where you don't have to bear all the burdens.  While married I was there, at the top, like it or not.  I had no one to turn to for comfort, no one to lean on, no one to just hold me when I was feeling vulnerable.  When I tried to get this from my wife she freaked.  So this feeling is new to me, actually believing I can be in a position where there will be someone to comfort me and take care of me.  Just the thought of it is really kind of nice.

Julie

[cindianna_jones]

Well, you just keep those thoughts warm.  They are indeed very comforting.

Cindi