Your Father

[Princess of Hearts]

What was/is your relationship with your father?   As we say here in Scotland 'Tell the truth and shame the Devil.'

[Lee]

I get along very well with my dad.  We have very similar personalities and hobbies, so we end up doing a lot of things together.  I am not out to my parents yet, and my fear of our relationship changing is one of the main things holding me back. 

[Emily Ray]

My dad is the sweetest man I know. Once when I was hospitalized I called and crying asked him for a hug and he said "I'll give you one over the phone" He has been wonderful. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not anymore and he still loves me.

I need a tissue

Emily

[childofwinter]

My relationship with my father is good, although it's never been as emotionally close as my relationship with my mother was (although that's probably typical for biological males growing up). He's a good father and a good person.

[mimpi]

My dad was 70 years old when I was born. He got dementia and died before I was ten. Not good.

[RhinoP]

My dad was always the extremely stereotypical southern baptist farmhand who was strongly and abusively anti-expressionism, wether it was being gay, being Trans, or even about wearing just about anything other than a uniform. Tried to abuse me until I became Mr. Farmhand Jr., but I said "No, no, no." He was a very obviously repressed homosexual though, he only has had sex with my mom twice in a 40-year marriage, and he would always touch me creepily in near-private places and would get enraged when I tried to make him quit.

[Vincent E.S.]

My father and I have incredibly similar personalities and interests and we go about things in almost identical ways. Basically the main difference personality-wise between us is that I have an enormous creative stripe (it's much bigger than a streak!) whereas he loves history.
Because of this, we've always been able to get along great and can happily co-exist without talking for days when my mother is gone.

[Cen]

Contact was sporadic.  He was there a lot when I was younger, but by age 9 he began taking jobs out of state or country.  He'd either be gone weeks or months at a time.  This also caused us to move a lot, which had a fairly negative impact on my development, IMO.  I later learned the moves were unnecessary, he just wanted to.  We had to follow.  By age 12 he was unfaithful to my mother, and that set off a lot of crap that caused me to distance myself from both of them.  My relationship with him is almost non-existent, but he's slowly been gaining my trust and getting to know me.  Lately, I've been feeling better about letting him get to know me.  I'm not sure what will happen when I tell him about transitioning, so I keep putting it off.  I don't know his opinion, but he is generally fairly conservative.  Still, I consider him to be the more reasonable one when it comes to my parents.

My relationship with my mother, who suffered quite a bit because of his decisions in life, is much worse.  She took to alcohol to deal with the stress him being away all the time caused.  Once he cheated on her, she decided to stay with him.  Still, she couldn't let it go.  Her life is now in shambles, and I have a hard time talking to her because she's taken to lies and manipulation to disguise her problems.  I never know if she's sober or telling the truth, and she is constantly getting angry.  I know she's had a rough time of it, but if she doesn't change I don't see how she is going to survive much longer.

In general, I just have a very distant relationship with most of my immediate family members.  I'm much closer to my SO and one of my friends than I've ever been with family.  If I lost my family, I think it wouldn't be much different at this point.  Less obligatory phone calls.

[Joelene9]

  My dad was absent.  He left my mom and us 4 kids after the 7 year itch.  He was married/divorced before he met mom and had 2 kids with his ex.  He married at least twice since my mom.  I remember that he did not do much with me as a dad when I was little.  I fared better with the uncles, there was only so much they can do.  We brought my dad in when he had Alzheimer's, but he was lost by then.  I have gotten no answers from him. 
  Joelene

[Princess of Hearts]

My father was physically present but emotionally absent.   My mother had to nag him to do anything with me.   He died after a botched surgical operation.

If you have a good relationship with your father be thankful.   If you father is still alive then go that extra mile to improve your relationship.

[Jennifer]

What relationship?

Jennifer

[kelly_aus]

What relationship?

Jennifer

I was tempted to post much the same response, except that is not entirely true.. I do have contact with him, he calls me twice a year and when he does I'm civil to him, but I do wish that he understood that, while he may be my father, he's not a person I wish to associate with in any way..

And I have no plans to tell him about the change in my life.. He may get a visit from his daughter in a year or 2, but then again, he may not..

[JenJen2011]

My, how things have changed. When I first came out to my dad, he was furious. He was 100% against what I was doing and even told me that I will never be/look like a woman. He told me he never wanted to see me in women's clothing, ever.

Now, after 5 years, our relationship is the best it's ever been. We are very close. He supports me 100%. To him, I'm his beautiful daughter. He will even be by my side when I have FFS and SRS. I love him to death.

[Jasper]

I've recently come out to my parents. I was adopted, so I've never met my biological father. But I came out to Dad first (before Mom) and he knew what I was going to say. (see my first blog post)

My car broke down on my way to work yesterday and he happened to call me a I was pulling over to check it out. He knew exactly what was wrong with it and is coming over tonight with a new part and a spare one and is helping me change it out.

I live almost four hours away. That means he still loves me.

I think Dad has always seen me as his son. =\ it makes sense.

[xxchriscsxx]

I wish I could say more good things about my dad, I can say good things about my dad, like he's loving and a good person but as any father I don't think he'd approve the fact that I'm transgendered so I never came out to him. I wear makeup and dress in androgynous unisex clothes and he's not even fully okay with that so I'm forced to save my wig and girl's clothes for when he's not around. But still he's my dad and I love him

[Taka]

disagreeing with my mother after their divorce was always more important to him than me, so i can't say i ever had a good relationship with him. it got so bad at a time that i broke off all contact with him. i only resumed contact after i had my daughter, and i'm keeping the relationship "ok" (pretty superficial) so that she can at least have a nice grandpa

[SandraJane]

My father was physically present but emotionally absent.   My mother had to nag him to do anything with me.   He died after a botched surgical operation.

If you have a good relationship with your father be thankful.   If you father is still alive then go that extra mile to improve your relationship.

My Dad died 5-1/2 years ago, and I wrote the Eulogy for his funeral. It gave me a chance to use his death as a "teaching moment" for those in attendance. No, I didn't trash him, it was my public confession that far to late in life do we recognize that our parents were once like us, someones "kid", and from what I know of his life growing up it wasn't good all the time and he carried a burden of guilt throughout his about going to live with his father instead of his mother when they divorced. He used to refer to his father (my grandfather) as "Pap" for as long as I can remember, and one day it dawned on me who else called their father "Pap", Huckleberry Finn! When I asked him about it he looked at me and grinned..."Yep"...was all he said.

Our realtionship was not a close one but he put his family first no matter what he said, it was his actions that spoke. I realized  that nothing would change from his end, so long before he died I reconciled  myself to him so on the day that I got the call from my Mom he died I was at peace with him. Would he have accepted me now? I seriously don't think so, but I'll never really know, but I think I'm right on that, both my Mom and Sister agreed.

Once again into the breech my dear Princess! You did it again! I think he subscribed to the theory of ...short...sharp...shock...

[Jayne]

I havn't spoken to my father for years, he's homophobic & narrow minded.

we used to see each other once a fortnight to play cards or chess but should one of his wifes family phone needing a favour he would tell me I had to go & he'd rush to their aid. One night my electric ran out & as he was a 5 minute drive away I phoned him & asked him to lend me one lousy, stinking pound so that the food in my freezer didn't defrost. He came round but was very angry that I dragged him out, did I mention that he's a selfish git as well?

I'm better off without him even though after 5 or 6 years it still hurts me when I think that i'll never see him again.

[nogoodnik]

I don't have much of a relationship with my father.

My parents were never married and had already split up by the time I was conceived — I was the product of some exes fooling around. My mother decided to keep me and then they tried to get back together ~for the sake of the baby~ which didn't work at all. When I was still an infant she moved back to her home country and took me with her. I haven't been back to my country of birth yet so I haven't seen my father in person since then.

He kept in contact until I was five before he disappeared completely for about ten years, then sent us a postcard out of nowhere. Then there were a few phone calls... where he only talked about himself and didn't show much of an interest in me at all, followed by him disappearing for another ten years before adding me on Facebook. We don't really talk. He's sent me a few comments and messages but he's so arrogant I find him difficult to handle. Always claiming he could "restart civilization with his skills and knowledge" or otherwise going on about how great he is.

When I didn't message him instantly upon him adding me he left me a wall comment accusing me of being paranoid and cowardly and saying I was much more friendly as a baby. Well... I also shat my pants as a baby, what does that have to do with anything? And I didn't message him instantly because he hadn't contacted me in ten years and I hadn't even known if he was alive, I figured I'd wait and see what he wanted... but of course I must be "paranoid" because I'm not rushing to fawn over him for finally deigning to pay me the slightest bit of attention.

Despite all this, I don't really have a grudge against him or bear him ill will. I just don't feel like we have anything approaching a family relationship. I'd like to get to know him better but he does make it difficult.

He doesn't know I'm trans yet... neither does my mother, so nothing odd there. I'm not sure how he'll take it. I don't think he'll really agree or accept it but whether that translates into outright rejection or just "You're wrong, but it's your life", who knows. The main thing I worry about is I need a copy of his birth certificate to prove citizenship if I ever want to move back to where I was born — and I do — so I need to get that before I come out to him in case he cuts me off. However, my mother and I have both been asking for it for a year... he says he'll send it "soon"... it never happens.

[JungianZoe]

My dad, along with my stepmom, disappeared from my life after my stepsister outed me to them.  They may have reason to call me tomorrow but I hope they don't.  I won't pick up the phone if they do.