Missing out on things because you weren't raised with them

[xAndrewx]

Do you guys find that you miss out on certain things because you were raised the wrong gender or because people just didn't think you would be interested because of your assigned gender?

For example: I think it would be awesome to learn boxing and MMA. It would also be awesome to become a mechanic (specifically with an interest in motorcycles). While I did some martial arts classes as a kid no one ever took me seriously because I was "not male". I stopped doing them because I hated how I was treated by my male classmates. Now I don't take classes yet, I don't want to be too far behind or have to get crap for not acting like the stereotypical male in the room. Though I've decided I'm going to start classes once I get my name change. I'm just worried because if someone picks on a feminine male or is derogatory to a female I won't keep my mouth shut. And when it comes to the mechanic stuff I feel like I'm too old to start learning now but if I'd been assigned male at birth I think my dad would have let me help with the car and taught me the simple stuff as a kid. 

[Natkat]

now when I am 18 and litterly an adult I feel like I have been missing my whole childhood and early teens.

when I been looking around from 13-18 I seen people having there usual issues as when there teenegers,
there focusing on lovers, and partys, use there money on cool clothes and so on.

I always felt I missed that part because my transdition have take so much of my time and money,
I been sitting home and studing on homones, surgery an so on, insteed of going to partys, and I been using money to save up for these as well insteed of nice clothes and things for myself like my friends did.
not to mention I never been able to have a normal relationship because people always will have prejugde for anyone being with someone like "me" so even if I have an open relationship then I feel sorry for my partner to go thought this s****. I guess in a way it made me more mature and in another way it make me alot more childlish because I really feel like im more of a 14 year old than I was when I where 14.

beside this I been missing out stuff like swimming and PE,
I like both things but I always have problems with them, swimming because I dont like my cheast and PE because I feel its way to hot to run around in big clothes and if I just have a t-shirt on then I get binder-phobia or generally phobia of anyone touching me.

[Renate]

You haven't missed out on something until you're dead.

Growing up I never learned anything about auto mechanics.
I wasn't shown anything and I wasn't particularly interested.
When at 20 I bought my first car for $75 I had to learn quickly.
I've learned pretty well and can fix almost anything today.
Still, if you start talking about horsepower I'll fall asleep.

The point being, it's never too late for some remedial childhood.

[xAndrewx]

Thanks Renate That's actually really what I needed to hear. I guess I've got this crazy idea that people raised as a certain gender were taught certain things when I really should obviously know it isn't true.

Natkat- I totally understand how you feel. I've spent so much time learning and reading about transition that over the past couple years between that and work I've forgotten to have a life. I too wish I could swim and had been able to do P.E like one of the guys. Ya know in my high school they had a class specifically for the girls that was body toning.

Because I only had a certain hour I could do my required P.E course in my senior year (I put it off too long) I ended up stuck in body toning with all of the girls. Talk about dysphoria city man, it was awful. If I'd not had an awesome teacher I don't think I would have survived the class but I told my teacher about my trans stuff and she taught me different workouts than what else she was teaching. I never did the party thing either. Maybe later on in life we'll both have the chance to do stuff like that man.

[owl]

I don't remember my childhood..there are parts..err..perhaps 'memories', i don't know, maybe they are just made up thoughts. I don't know anymore. My mom said that I was a happy child. Lonely, but I occupied myself with an imaginary friend named bebe up until i was 6. I guess i fulfilled my childhood. I guess if i have lived any different i wouldn't be here today. So i'm happy with the way things went, how ever they went..haha
I think there is something i may remember, or its just a made up thought, i don't know- I played football with this kid named Trevor in 5th grade. I understood the game and all, and we end up getting around 15 other boys to play. I was really upset because none of the boys would pass me the football, so Trevor quit the game because he was upset they didn't pass the football. I had a big crush on him, I only wish I could remember more.

[GentlemanRDP]

I can't say any specific examples right now,
Because I'm currently suffering sugar-high right now and can't form much of a coherent thought,
But I can definitely relate to this. I do feel like I've missed out - childhood wise. I would have liked being able to get in boyscouts rather than having to take dance-classes (Hey look, I did have an example!)

[Natkat]

You haven't missed out on something until you're dead.

Growing up I never learned anything about auto mechanics.
I wasn't shown anything and I wasn't particularly interested.
When at 20 I bought my first car for $75 I had to learn quickly.
I've learned pretty well and can fix almost anything today.
Still, if you start talking about horsepower I'll fall asleep.

The point being, it's never too late for some remedial childhood.

that good, I hope its okay for me to be a child again once in a while,
I just wanna do what I couldnt do but I hope in the future I get the chance.
--
XAndre;
well I do have partys and friend, and all these things, but its not so much as I could if it wasnt because of the T stuff, exemple now I am going to a party tonight but the night of yesterday where there where a pokemon marton I didnt come because I felt it where more important to get information about my surgery and stuff... and even if I joined all my mind would think about would be the worries of the surgery stuff..




thats kinda how it is,

[anibioman]

im still in high school and i feel like ive missed out on a lot like organized sports more specifically football. i loved foot ball but i was never allowed to play. im really happy that my dad was a sports fanatic because we would play football at the high school field when i was younger. also i missed out on boy scouts and girl scouts was a joke. i also missed out on theater, if i was a guy i would have never stopped doing theater because i would have never stopped getting guy parts.

[Lee]

I feel like I had a very gender-neutral upbringing.  My brother and I are fairly close in age, so we often did the same activities.   The only more stereotypically gendered thing that only I was involved in was dance, but that was because I was interested in it and he wasn't.  I did want to take karate and was not allowed to.  However, that was because my parents are extremely against anything remotely violent, and it didn't seem to have anything to do with my gender.

[hwytoaster]

I can pretty much relate. I wish I would've been encouraged more as a kid and that I would've stuck with martial arts. I took karate and ninjitsu for a short time. But at 10 I had reached my full height of 5'5", but I was taller than everyone at that age so they put me in the adult classes and was bullied by the adult students and soon quit because I couldn't deal with it in addition to all the bullying at school. But I wish I would have been able to stick with it so that I'd be in better shape now and not be so unmotivated.

I wish I would've had a normal upbringing, too. But I think I can almost safely say that if I had been born male, I would have been raised the exact same way. Which in my family, they believe children are stupid and helpless and can't do anything for themselves. So I still wouldn't have been allowed to try to cook anything, mow the lawn, fix a car, or anything else because they're also complete perfectionists who weren't willing to risk having the slightest mistake made, so I really wasn't raised to do anything. I feel the effects of it now, like I get really down on myself that I can't fix my own car problems, or I see myself struggling to do what I think should be simple tasks, just fumbling with my fingers like I'm all thumbs and having a hard time with everything like the way my grandmother is. And I don't want to be helpless and unable to take care of myself. I want to be the big tough manly capable man, you know? And it just really frustrates me that I can't do anything fast, smooth, easy and right like everybody else. But I don't think I would've been raised any different as a boy. I probably still would've been babied and thought of as a helpless idiot and been pussified and emasculated as much as I have being raised as a girl. 

[Jeh]

I got to take karate for a year when I was growing up, and that was the first time someone "mistook" me for a boy. I loved it. I ended up having to choose between karate and piano though and I don't regret choosing piano at all.

I don't think I missed out on stuff like organized sports and whatever, because I'm really not interested in them. Karate was fun, but I didn't want to give up piano for it.

What I do feel I missed out on was the father/son bonding that my brother had with my dad and I may never get. He won't teach me how to tie a tie, he won't pick me over my brother to mow the lawn/shovel snow. He didn't give me any shaving tips. I don't know if I'll ever get that, but if I was raised as a boy I would have.

[Renate]

I think that you are all glorifying childhood a bit too much.
I think even those who had non-damaging childhoods often have lackluster ones.
I've heard enough stories from others that I think that if you were only ignored you did better than average.
Yes, father/son or mother/daughter relationships can be wonderful things
but they often don't exist due to a deficiency on one side or the other of the equation.

"Son, today you are a man. Here's is your very own gold-plated razor."
Lol, that doesn't happen except on television.

[skakid]

Boyscouts. Always wanted to do it, but I was only allowed to do girlscouts.

[Troy]

xAndrewx - Don't let your age stop you from attending classes for motorcycle repair. You are never too old to learn. I went back to college when I was in my early forties. And couldn't be more proud of what I accomplished.

As far as missing out on gender specific activities, I guess I was lucky that my mom noticed early on that I wasn't interested in girly things so most of the chores I did would be considered male specific. I have two older brothers and two younger brothers and it was always easy to find someone to play tackle football with or to throw a baseball around. Having said that I do wish I was born male so that I could have played organized football. On a whole I don't think I missed out on alot of gender specific activities.

Troy

[xXRebeccaXx]

Kinda, I guess If I were born  cisgender girl I would have just been bullied for being bi(goddamn people do not like me!!!!) But I guess I could've done more things I couldn't do because I was a "boy"

[kyle_lawrence]

I was definitely raised to be feminine, (or at least my parents tried) but a lot of things were also pretty gender neutral.    My mom would argue that I was a girly girl since I used to like when my mom would do my hair and put bows in it, and because I played in dresses a lot, but I don't think I had a strong enough understanding of gender identity to understand what dresses and bows in my hair meant.  I liked that my mom was paying attention to just me, and theres old home movies of me playing with the boys  from our condo development and making mud pies in my dresses.    I didn't mind being dressed girly because it didnt stop me from being allowed to play with the boys and act like them.

I was in 4-H for 8 years, worked on a horse farm, completed in horseshows (one of the few sports where men and women compete equally and against each other), ran and skied XC in high school where the girls and guys teams trained together, and played rec league co-ed soccer in elementary school.   When I was younger I would play with the boys in my neighborhood, building forts, riding bikes and playing video games.  Even though everyone knew I was a girl, but no one cared that I didnt really act like one.   It wasn't untill I was in my early 20's when it started to be an issue, and I started to get dysphoric about it.

[_Mango_]

I think that you are all glorifying childhood a bit too much.
I think even those who had non-damaging childhoods often have lackluster ones.
I've heard enough stories from others that I think that if you were only ignored you did better than average.
Yes, father/son or mother/daughter relationships can be wonderful things
but they often don't exist due to a deficiency on one side or the other of the equation.

"Son, today you are a man. Here's is your very own gold-plated razor."
Lol, that doesn't happen except on television.

That is true..Heck, my  roommate wasn't even taught how to shave his face. I couldn't stand his episodes of razor burn and ingrown hairs so i shave his face the other day, instructing him on how to go with the grain so that it doesn't irritate. I felt special.. because he had never let someone shave his face before, and because i taught him a very valuable piece of info...

[Sam-]

Boyscouts. Always wanted to do it, but I was only allowed to do girlscouts.

this. i only stayed in girl scouts for a few months before i quit.

[jossef-ftm]

For me I think I missed a lot of things i missed the greatest part of life, childhood and early adolescence. From the first day that I came to this life  my dream was  to become a football player but of course nobody   of my family accept to practice the game and they said that i will get hurt and it is for boys, not girls. I still remember when the neighborhood kids playing football and laugh at me if  i want to play with them it was difficult days I did not have friends i was  lonely(i still lonly), everyone was considered me strange, but nevertheless I feel lucky because I  am now able to practice recently, I could not to join the first team, but i playing in a team a secondary team i was oppressed of my family and  some people i will not forgive them forever, but I am happy now that I was able to live my life and I'm still having some difficulties but I am sure it will pass
PEACE.

[xAndrewx]

I think that you are all glorifying childhood a bit too much.
I think even those who had non-damaging childhoods often have lackluster ones.
I've heard enough stories from others that I think that if you were only ignored you did better than average.
Yes, father/son or mother/daughter relationships can be wonderful things
but they often don't exist due to a deficiency on one side or the other of the equation.

"Son, today you are a man. Here's is your very own gold-plated razor."
Lol, that doesn't happen except on television.

That's true, yes. I had three meals a day and a roof over my head so I am grateful for my life, don't get me wrong. I just know there are things that would have been different had I been different. Ya know?

Everyone else- I love how everyone is saying boyscouts. So true man. My mom was always like girl scouts are the same.... except they don't get pocket knives and instead of camping they sell cookies. Even then I considered convincing myself it was the same until she said they wore skirts. I was just like that is soooo not gonna happen.

Troy-Thanks for the advice man

Jossef- Sounds rough man I'm sorry but hey you're right, you will pass. In fact you do pass in almost all the pictures I've seen you post in