Why "Can't" You Transition?

[Sharon S L]

For Me the reasons were that I was living with my folks and I was trying to please them, I was also scared and I didn't want to admit to myself that I was anything more than just a Cross dresser , but then I reach my 32nd Birthday and I felt I could not live my life this way any more and decided that I had to start living my life as a woman or kill myself (Which, thank god I didn't), since doing this I have left home, lost weight, gained confidence, I am a lot more social, I am doing better in job interviews, I am happier, overall I am now a better person, my sister, my uncle who lives close to town, my friends, my sister's friends, friends of the family, and other people in town all seem to agree with this.

Hugs Sharon

[Sandy]

Reasons why I can't transition:

1)  I don't have enough shoes
2)  My wardrobe won't carry me through more than a few days.
3)  My *real* hair isn't long/full enough to style properly (unless I *want* to look like Joan Jett).

... yet!

All those other issues are behind me.

-Sandy (Do you know how hard it is to find 13W women's shoes?)

[DawnL]

I "couldn't" transition for a number of reasons:
1. I"ll never pass.
2. I'll be rejected by my family.
3. I'll be rejected by my friends.
4. I'll be a freak in society.
5. I don't have the courage.
6. I can live okay without transitioning.

At one point, all of these were true for me.  I now pass 100% of the time, my family loves me, a few "friends" walked
but the rest stayed.  I am anything but a freak.  I HAD the courage I finally discovered and my other option, living okay
without transitioning was driving me to suicide. 

I am SO happy I transitioned.

Dawn

[Debbie_Anne]

...GID has infinite patience. It has no compassion, no mercy, no sense of fairplay... it will relentlessly increase the pressure until you break, you stop "deciding," and your life finally unfolds from that cramped, miserable existence into the person you were meant to be all along.

You have put that very well, the pressure just keeps increasing, and not just before you decide to transition, but also once you have decided to transition, with each new step I have taken, that pressure comes back to take the next one and the next one...I wouldn't wish GID on anyone.

[Sophie]

1. I'll never pass.
I'll look about 10 if I try now.
2. I'll be rejected by my family.
I'm too young and dependant to deal with that now, but in the future I am willing to lose them, if I have to.
3. I'll be rejected by my friends.
Some of them, definitetly.
4. I'll be a freak in society.
Yes, and I go to a small school in a small town.
5. I don't have the courage.
Again, yes.
6. I can live okay without transitioning.
For now. Maybe even for another decade, if circumstances make it neccessary... but I can't really know what I will feel so far in the future.

[Kate]

-Sandy (Do you know how hard it is to find 13W women's shoes?)

Oh I feel your pain! 11.5W ain't easy either. I've bought and returned three pairs in two weeks now. Just CANNOT find something comfy.

More:

- I'm too tall!
- My face is too masculine!
- I've lost too much hair!
- TSism is really just some quirky psychological problem that can be "cured!"
- My voice will always give me away!
- I'll be homeless and jobless and die in a gutter somewhere!
- No one will EVER see me as a woman anyway!

Kate

[Maud]

Reasons why I can't transition:

1)  I don't have enough shoes
2)  My wardrobe won't carry me through more than a few days.
3)  My *real* hair isn't long/full enough to style properly (unless I *want* to look like Joan Jett).

... yet!

All those other issues are behind me.

-Sandy (Do you know how hard it is to find 13W women's shoes?)

I went full time with only the clothes I was wearing, I went out as myself for the first time and just thought "well screw going back" and I just didn't. I still only have one pair of shoes (flat broke at the mo) the day after I went out in the same clothes I bought a bunch enough for three days, then two days later I bought enough for a week.


There wasn't a reason in the world, I did everything very quickly started HRT two weeks after my 18th, went FT about 7 weeks later once i'd got around to telling the people who needed to know, it was all fairly trivial and now I'm wondering what all the fuss was about

[Lucy]

I agree with whats been said a transexual will allways trasition.

The GID isn't killing me yet. Close but not yet.
When I came out it gave the the energy to live anothert day.
I work in a male dominated industry
I cant afford to do it.

I love my wife so much If I transition I loose her. She only wants a normal hetrosexual relationship.

This is my list but you know I wish I could transition to befor I waist tomuch time.

LUCY

[katia]

my [excuses] were;

my parents, my brother, my family
my gf
my job
the costs involved
lack of courage
fear of the unknown

[Ricki]

tinkerbell's a trouble maker.. nanana..na...
We're being honest well here goes:
there's nothing wrong with dying................
everyone one of us is going to die at some point it's human biology.
so questions beg to be asked, why do we feel that its not up to us to decide this, that nature - biology must or that a religious God must?
My perspective:
sorry i would rather be dead and blissfull (assuming that is what dead is like) as opposed to enduring a transition that promises nothing concrete or does not hold the perfect biological statsis i should have been born with in the first place.
that is my crux: you can pop the pills, cut the skin, implant the gels, remove the skins, exercise, align fat cells, and in the end you still have a non perfect (not created by nature biologically) body manipulated by man....
and you do not have the ability to rear a child, have a natural period or internal developement, etc..
I'd be an ugly woman with big shoulders and maybe nice legs.. who knew?

There i typed it / said it!
As always endearing hugs and kisses.......
Ricki

[Debbie_Anne]

sorry i would rather be dead and blissfull (assuming that is what dead is like) as opposed to enduring a transition that promises nothing concrete or does not hold the perfect biological statsis i should have been born with in the first place.
that is my crux: you can pop the pills, cut the skin, implant the gels, remove the skins, exercise, align fat cells, and in the end you still have a non perfect (not created by nature biologically) body manipulated by man....
and you do not have the ability to rear a child, have a natural period or internal developement, etc..

I'd rather stay amongst the living as long as I possibly can; I'll take that imperfect womanhood over the constant torment of living a life that feels wrong and dealing with the constant "push, push, push" of GID that some days makes me feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

[Maud]

while I respect your dicision et all ricki that's just not what it's about, natal women all over the world have bodies just as "artificial" as ours as long as on a day to day basis it's vaugely normal what does it matter? The main reason for transition for me is being able to finally fit in properly to feel socially comfortable in ways I never had before to be who I am not hide away just because I rubbed society up the wrong way as male. it has nothing to do with clothes, nothing to do with sex and little to do with ones physical body, it it was an illusion and there was just a hologram or something of a woman over me and if physically I could never be remotely female I would still feel content in my life.

[beckster]

Personally, I feel that there is nothing that should stop your from transitioning.  Yes, there are obstacles to overcome and there are things that can make it difficult but as I think Tinkerbell said - its your life !!  Yes, people could say its being selfish but is it ?  There are just times you have to do the right thing for yourself and forget about everyone else.

We are all going to die at somepoint but is that really the best way to look at life ?  Transitioning isn't all doom and gloom !!  Agreed, there are certain things it can't give you but there is so much it can give you, although what is gives us may differ from person to person as we aren't all the same.  As I say, I understand it can be hard but when you see how much death, famine and poverty there is in the world do most of us really have it so bad ?  Maybe I just don't get it or have I just got the wrong end of the stick again ? 

Becky
xx

[Steph]

...
I "couldn't" transition for a number of reasons:
1. I"ll never pass.
2. I'll be rejected by my family.
3. I'll be rejected by my friends.
4. I'll be a freak in society.
5. I don't have the courage.
6. I can live okay without transitioning....

And if anyone used any of these points as a reason not to transition then they are not TS, the only valid reason why a TS could not transition would be due to medical reasons and then that would only apply to HRT and GRS.  The points listed above are definitely hurdles that most TS must deal with but they are by no means barriers to transition.

1. You don't have to look like a goddess there are plenty of females in this world who were blessed with  less than perfect looks.  And looks have absolutely nothing to do with being a woman.  But that was covered in another thread.

2. You have to remember transition is about you not about others and all I have to say is that if family rejects you then so be it, being alive is still better than being dead.  If family does reject you then it's up to us to win them back.  Sadly this is not possible but it shouldn't stop us from trying.  The hardest to loose is our children and it breaks my heart that it happens but I know for myself that even had I known that my daughter would disown me prior to transition would not have stopped me.

3. Being rejected by your friends is probably the lamest excuse out there.  Simply put if these "friends" reject you then they are obviously not your friends but merely acquaintances who are easily replaceable.

4. Society is a collection of freaks, some are more freakier than others that's why we tend to mix with our own kind and keep those other freaks away from us.  This is a no starter.

5. It doesn't take courage to transition, transition is driven from the inside by an overwhelming desire that nothing can stop.  As Leigh once said "It doesn't take courage to run from a burning building when all you are doing is saving your life, it takes courage to stop and help save others lives".

6. And if you can live OK without transitioning then you are not TS, period, and don't bother telling me that there are varying degrees of TS, cause it doesn't wash.

"Transsexuals will transition" ~ Steph - March 14^th, 2006 - https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2610.0.html

Steph

[Nikki_W]

tinkerbell's a trouble maker.. nanana..na...
We're being honest well here goes:
there's nothing wrong with dying................
everyone one of us is going to die at some point it's human biology.
so questions beg to be asked, why do we feel that its not up to us to decide this, that nature - biology must or that a religious God must?
My perspective:
sorry i would rather be dead and blissfull (assuming that is what dead is like)

1. living isn't letting nature decide when you die. Nature is always trying to kill us living is fighting nature to live. Suicide is giving up the fight.

2. Can't be blissful when your dead any more than you can be happy you simply "aren't"... anything.

as opposed to enduring a transition that promises nothing concrete or does not hold the perfect biological statsis i should have been born with in the first place.

1. Real life is far from perfect.

2. Why give up the fight before you've tried to win?

that is my crux: you can pop the pills, cut the skin, implant the gels, remove the skins, exercise, align fat cells, and in the end you still have a non perfect (not created by nature biologically) body manipulated by man....
and you do not have the ability to rear a child, have a natural period or internal developement, etc..

This could be applied to alot of GG's

I'd be an ugly woman with big shoulders and maybe nice legs.. who knew?

That description sounds familiar did I dance with you last night? and if so which ugly broad shouldered woman were you?

If it comes down to transition or death what do you have to lose by trying before giving up?

If your giving up because transition yields an imperfect result what did you want to achieve from transition?

[Melissa-kitty]

I consider myself the queen of excuses and bargaining regarding transitioning and acknowledging my truths inside. So, I've been down every one of the excuses listed. Now I'm onto another one: Why invest in a depreciating asset? This body is getting older. I will die. Time passes quickly. If I transition, do all the actions, operations, hormones, life changes, then what will I have.. after all the ungodly financial investments, ego investments, humiliations galore? Be an ugly scary dude in a dress. Yeah, sounds good.
But still I get lasered, go to the psychologist.. bargain with myself.. yeah, it's just in case I decide to transition. No harm done, just in case.. LOL! I crack myself up! So full of BS!

[Nikki_W]

Why invest in a depreciating asset?

For the tax deduction?

[tinkerbell]

tinkerbell's a trouble maker.. nanana..na...

...Just being honest hon.  I know that I can be a bit stern at times and say things that people don't want to hear, but ....? 

We're being honest well here goes:
there's nothing wrong with dying................
everyone one of us is going to die at some point it's human biology.

Well, personally I don't want to die, not just yet.  Sometimes I look back at those times when I tried to end it all.  What a coward, stupid person I was! What would have happened if I had succeded? Yes, I would be ashes by now, but I would have lost my greatest opportunity to be who I am today.  There is nothing wrong with dying naturally, it is part of the human experience; however, when "we decide" to end it all because we "think" that there isn't another way out; that is when dying becomes the biggest mistake that "we" can make.

sorry i would rather be dead and blissfull (assuming that is what dead is like) as opposed to enduring a transition that promises nothing concrete or does not hold the perfect biological statsis i should have been born with in the first place.
that is my crux: you can pop the pills, cut the skin, implant the gels, remove the skins, exercise, align fat cells, and in the end you still have a non perfect (not created by nature biologically) body manipulated by man....

If that manipulation is done to prevent me from dying, I would do it all over again in a second.  No one can promise us anything, Ricki; we just make it happen or we don't.  It is our responsibility to try to make our lives as happy as we can; it is not the doctors', the SRS surgeons', our therapists', it is ours. 

The key here is to find our own happiness; I know I have found mine.


tinkerbell

[cindianna_jones]

There are any number of things that hold us back.  And not one of you has ever been able to adequately describe the fundamental and instinctive "need" to be female (or male to suit your case).  It is not a decision to be made.  It simply is. We can not adequately describe the benefit even when the deed is done. This is a problem.  I'm going to write about this some day.... it's just that words strong enough don't exist.

The drive will push you through the barriers one by one.  If you are, then the barriers will not stand in the way.  It is not a question of will, finances, family aproval, or anything else.  If surgery were not available I would very likely have self castrated, I am confident that I would still be living my life as I am... as a female.

When someone tells me that they can't move on due to financial, religious, or family reasons, I know it is because they either are not TS or they haven't come to self realization.  I hesitate to push them forward or hold them back.  Each reason listed must be dealt with in some way.

In most cases, there are no valid reasons holding you back.  Go ahead, list them.  If you are TS, you will work through them or find a workable compromise.

Many of us here have walked the path. We've dealt with the very issues you have.  We've faced them down, we've dealt with them, we've vanquished most.  We've lived frugally to save money.  We've found a second job.  We quit buying toys.  We worked endlessly with our families and have given up on our church (not necessarily our faith).

For those of you who can't manage to give up everything you hold dear and cast it to the wind, this journey is not for you.  Sorry... I don't intend to be mean.  But that's how it is.

Cindi

[TheBattler]

When someone tells me that they can't move on due to financial, religious, or family reasons, I know it is because they either are not TS or they haven't come to self realization.  I hesitate to push them forward or hold them back.  For those reasons they have listed must be dealt with in some way.
.
.
.
For those of you who can't manage to give up everything you hold dear and cast it to the wind, this journey is not for you.  Sorry... I don't intend to be mean.  But that's how it is.

Cindi

Thanks Cindi. I am in that process know - figuring out where I need to go. I think the most important thing in this whole process is the self-discory. People need to relise who they are at their own pace. If you try and push someone they will only push back. Guild people at their own pace is the only way for people to get through this.

Alice