Friends and Transistioning

[Princess of Hearts]

Do you ever feel that your female friends try to make automatic assumptions about your sexuality?   Do they try and rush you into things or take you down paths that you don't really want to go?   Also do you sometimes get the feeling that you are their own living breathing dress-up doll?

Would you have the confidence to say 'no I am not attracted to men', and 'I am not wearing those clothes just because you want me to?'  Or would you just keep quite and be grateful that they haven't abandoned you.   

Of course sometimes being forced into something turns out to been fun.  So I suppose going against your wishes might prove instructive.

[Amaranth]

Yes.  It's rather annoying really, they kept assuming they knew everything.  It was only a short phase, but the few friends I had kept expecting my orientation to automatically flip-flop and telling me how to be a girl.  "Girls do this, girls don't do that," as if this change meant voluntarily swapping stereotypes overnight.  They have a decent understanding now though.  I do like the dress-up doll aspect, because they always make me look good and I'm not exactly fashion-savvy.  🙂

[Padma]

Actually, my women friends have been really open-minded (but then they're an open-minded crew!) and have just waited for me to let them know who I am and how I want to be and appear, and then help me with that when I want help.

The worst stereotyping and directiveness I've experienced so far has been from other trans women, many of whom sooner or later start telling me "of course, you're just like me, so you'll be doing exactly what I did, won't you..."

[mimpi]

I'd pretty much second Padma's post. My female friends are gay and they've never made assumptions that I like men as they've seen me in relationships with women. Same with clothes they don't pressure me in any way at all.

However in the past I was in one very long term relationship (14 yrs) which fell apart on the issue of gender expression and how I wasn't being female enough and not expressing my femininity enough. The person concerned was an extremely politically miltant feminist lesbian who probably made a mistake ending up with me. Her opinions hurt like hell to be brutally honest.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

I have more lesbian friends than straight friends.  Then again, I'm gay, too, so I guess they're somewhat self-selecting, too. 

[justmeinoz]

All my female friends are either really open minded and relaxed about this sort of thing, or Bisexual or Lesbian.  They are just happy for me to have found a way to be happy after a few fairly dismal years.  If I ask for advice they will offer an opinion, but don't push any of theirs onto me.

Karen.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

Friends are cool, man.  They don't even care about my ridiculous gender-related idiosyncrasies.