Does wanting occasionally to pass as a male constitute being bigender?

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

So this one's a strange one.  I have a firm and resolute female sexual identity, a relatively conventional female presentation (with the small amounts of androgyny permissible by society's standards without raising too many eyebrows), and a pretty firm gynephilic sexual orientation.  All told, by most of society I'm seen as an unassuming, somewhat tomboyish femme lesbian.

Yet, despite the fact that dressing in drag, up until about nine months ago, when I underwent facial feminization surgery, was anathema to me, in recent weeks I've become fascinated with crossdressing as a male, sufficiently so to the point that I cut ten inches from my hair to have a much more androgynous style, and went out to Goodwill to buy male clothing again.  I'm not sure how successfully I pass as a male, considering I'm on a college campus and people know me only as a female (I'm stealth, to further clarify), but what it boils down to is this: though I'm still confident that I want SRS, which I'm getting in around eight months, and I would only want sex as a female, does the urge to occasionally dress up like a guy for fun, but still attempting to pass as male when I do so, and wanting to be referred to with male pronouns when I do constitute a bigender identification?  Or am I just a crossdressing lady?

[justmeinoz]

Just an opinion, but I would guess that you are subconsciously proving to yourself that you are a woman.

You used the term "crossdress", rather than any other, which to me sounds like a woman talking about expressing some of the male aspects of her personality.  To do that you have to be pretty secure in your identity, otherwise you would be writing about whether you are having second thoughts and starting to de-transition.

On the other hand, maybe you are trying on a more Butch persona.  Have you noticed any changes in the way you are reacting to women, or possible changes in your idea of an ideal partner?  I still consider myself to be strictly a lesbian, but have realised that if everything was just so, I could actually consider a one-night stand with the right guy post-SRS. Nothing about sexuality or gender is set in concrete apparently.

Karen.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

That's the way I'm perceiving it right now, as crossdressing - maybe, if I'm looking at it from a more genderqueer perspective, that's merely me expressing another aspect of myself.

I suppose what I'm really trying to distinguish here are where the very fine lines between sexual identity, gender identity, and gender expression are drawn.  In terms of my anatomy, and my role during sex, what I desire is purely female.  When it comes to how identify, it becomes far murkier.  I don't identify as a "woman" or "girl", even though I'll throw out those terms occasionally simply because that's how I'm perceived by everyone and because they're sufficiently synonymous with my preferred identity, which is nominally "female" though more accurately "not male", yet still not really androgynous.

I've never had any doubts about what I want with my body, but I've never been convinced that a female gender role really adequately expresses all aspects of my personality.  Now, with the revelation that I can do whatever I want because I'm not living with my parents (like run out on a whim and get a haircut, or go to Goodwill and buy back the clothes my mother donated), I'm wondering whether I just want to crossdress, or whether I want to assume another gender expression and gender identity (but not, critically, sexual identity) some of the time.

As for life partners?  Until about two months ago, I thought I was straight, but since then I had quite the revelation while going out with my boyfriend that I had no sexual attraction towards him whatsoever, and that I found myself attracted to other women (he did have such a cute personality, though!  I loved spending time with him, but when it came time to get physical, I wasn't quite on board...).  So I guess I'm looking at marrying a woman someday?  It's a weird thought, but it seems more conceivable than marrying a guy at this point.

[Eva Marie]

To answer your question, susan's wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Bigender) defines bigender as:

"Bigender (bi+gender) is a tendency to move between masculine and feminine gender-typed behavior depending on context"

This means that the context of a situation will cause a bigender person to mentally "switch" genders. The switch is can be rather unpredictable (and unsettling), and may occur at any time. The frequency of switching can be an occasional switch (once every few months), or may occur several times a minute. A bigendered person may spend extended periods of time in a gender before switching to the other gender.

The key to being bigendered is the gender "switch". I'm bigender, and I typically go from 100% boy mode to 100% girl mode in a second, and it's only sometime later that I realize that a switch has occurred.

Just a guess, but from what you have described it sounds a little more like crossdressing/genderqueer than bigender. But only you are really qualified to make that assessment.

[Rebekah with a K-A-H]

To answer your question, susan's wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Bigender) defines bigender as:

"Bigender (bi+gender) is a tendency to move between masculine and feminine gender-typed behavior depending on context"

This means that the context of a situation will cause a bigender person to mentally "switch" genders. The switch is can be rather unpredictable (and unsettling), and may occur at any time. The frequency of switching can be an occasional switch (once every few months), or may occur several times a minute. A bigendered person may spend extended periods of time in a gender before switching to the other gender.

The key to being bigendered is the gender "switch". I'm bigender, and I typically go from 100% boy mode to 100% girl mode in a second, and it's only sometime later that I realize that a switch has occurred.

Just a guess, but from what you have described it sounds a little more like crossdressing/genderqueer than bigender. But only you are really qualified to make that assessment.

That's a thoughtful evaluation.  I hadn't really understood the specifics of the differences between bigender feelings and other forms of gender fluidity, but what you said really clears it up.  While I definitely have periods of feeling more aligned with a male gender role or a female gender role, it's more of a conscious choice what I do with it, so I think at least with respect to that, my identification would lean more towards being genderqueer or genderfluid.

[Pica Pica]

I have a firm and resolute female sexual identity... what I desire is purely female...That's the way I'm perceiving it right now, as crossdressing - maybe, if I'm looking at it from a more genderqueer perspective, that's merely me expressing another aspect of myself.

Sounds to me you are a female with a healthily developed masculine side.