Dealing with jealousy?

[JohnAlex]

Is there anyone who you are just so extremely jealous of?  and you know it's wrong and not helping, but can't help but feel jealous?


For me, it's my brother.  He's 1 year younger than me.  so I compare myself to him all the time.  I look at his height, I look at how masculine he looks, and I just think, if I had been born in the right body, I would be just like him.  and hence the jealousy.

but it doesn't stop there.
Everyone treats my brother like guy.  The few people in my family who I told that I was trans to, they still won't bother trying to treat me as a guy now too.  My brother gets all these things just because he's a guy.  and I get different things because I'm a "girl."

My jealousy for my brother also has been getting personal lately.  We have very different personalities.  And I'm a pretty independent person and I work for things I want.  but my brother, he doesn't try to be independent at all.  and everyone takes pity on him and just HANDS him things.  They hand him the same things that I had to work for.  now that has nothing to do with being trans. 

But I am just so insanely (literally going insane here) jealous of him.  I don't even believe in God, but I find myself asking, "why God?!"  Why did I have to be born like this and fight and struggle for everything.  And then he gets EVERYTHING handed to him, including being born in a male body.  And he doesn't even appreciate it.  He doesn't even know what he's got.  he takes it all for granted.

I guess, in a way, I can admit that all the struggles I go through is just apart of me becoming me and I learn from everything.  and I would never want to have the personality that my brother has, which is also the personality that causes everyone to just give to him.  I do like who I am, and I wouldn't be who I am without all the experiences I have and will have. 
So basically, I wouldn't want to switch places with him.  but it's still not fair, and I'm still jealous.

[anibioman]

tes my brother who is two years younger. ive always been jealous of my brother. when i was really little we where both gender benders so i never really thought we were different. but when people started telling me that i couldnt do things my bother did thats when it started, also when he started playing touch foot ball i was really jealous. it stopped bothering me 5th-7th grade but its back he has a dick, a deeper voice, bigger feet, and was born into the perfect life. ive always wanted to be him which made me hate him for a couple of years but we are friends now and i try to not be jealous.

Is there anyone who you are just so extremely jealous of?  and you know it's wrong and not helping, but can't help but feel jealous?And then he gets EVERYTHING handed to him, including being born in a male body.  And he doesn't even appreciate it.  He doesn't even know what he's got.  he takes it all for granted.

my brother takes it for granted to, he has the gift of a male body and he doesnt even use it. he has never had a date, kissed a girl (or a guy) it pisses me off.

[HarryP]

I'm jealous of the entire England rugby team lol - not only are they all huge beefcakes, they get to see each other in the showers every day!  But seriously, I think the guys I am most jealous of, funnily enough, are not bio-guys, because I know with T and working out, I can look like them some day, but  transguys who have small chests, short waits for T, and/or supportive families! I am really pleased for them that they have those things, of course, but I just get sad sometimes that I don't - particularly the family bit. But then I have been luckier than some people because my family haven't kicked me out, so I just count my blessings and work on improving what I can 

[nogoodnik]

I get so jealous of my half brothers. I've never met them IRL but they both added me on Facebook a couple of years ago and I find looking at pictures of them makes my dysphoria so much worse because of the strong family resemblance that I kind of rudely backed off from communicating with them at all. That wasn't the only reason, but it's part of it, and not something I could explain to them. It's frustrating.

[Kentrie]

I am so insanely jealous of bio guys that I hate them and wish them death. Yeah, it's that bad.

[Cody Jensen]

I am jealous of my cousin. Like your brother, he's spoiled and treated like a king. I've been discriminated against by my own grandmother because of him. He hardly appreciates anything and is disrespectful in general.

[Felix]

My half-brother is MTF. I have no idea how two of us in the same family ended up like this, but we came out separately, to different people in different states, without having known each other since childhood. I am not jealous of him.

I was raised in a culture where women are treated like property, fit to be caregivers and cooks and not much else. I was jealous of my classmates as a kid, and as an adult I'm often jealous of coworkers or even strangers on the bus.

I'd be surprised if any of us didn't feel a twinge of bitterness or jealousy now and again. The unfairness is staggering.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I am so insanely jealous of bio guys that I hate them and wish them death. Yeah, it's that bad.

I think you should go to therapy.

My half-brother is MTF. I have no idea how two of us in the same family ended up like this, but we came out separately, to different people in different states, without having known each other since childhood. I am not jealous of him.

I was raised in a culture where women are treated like property, fit to be caregivers and cooks and not much else. I was jealous of my classmates as a kid, and as an adult I'm often jealous of coworkers or even strangers on the bus.

I'd be surprised if any of us didn't feel a twinge of bitterness or jealousy now and again. The unfairness is staggering.

It might be nice if you call her your sister/she since you said she's MTF.

What culture were you raised in if you don't mind me asking.

[steve]

I've never been much of a jealous person, but I feel a little twinge of it whenever I see a transguy who looks good and passes well.

[Natkat]

alot of people makes me jelous;

my brother; oh I had this older brother I always looked up too and people use to say his way more cool than I was,
he where big, strong, nerdy, played computer all day long, got chicks home so on so on,
and I said "when I grow up I wanna be like him, play computer all day and have chicks to clean up my mess" LOL..
sadly I turn out pretty much opposite of him, from being born in the wrong body to be smaller, to not being able to play much of computer games before I got ill and so on so on..

however I must say I dont feel jelous of him anymore, there comes a state I started to notice his not better than me, for a time he had the perfect job, but then he got fired and got very bad, and depressive, + I also noticed how he got some of the same body problems at me even if im trans and his not, and how I feel his life somehow is, well kinda borring and steriotyped, its kinda expected he is going to have kids and this typical famely, I could be jelous of him for that but I dont really feel like cause its not something I feel longing for right now.
---
I also got jelous of alot random cis guys, mostly its guys who are at the same age as me and kinda like me but who are just cis, one of my friends chrush where a young guy around my age, and I thought for myself if I where born cis, then I would probebly be exactly like him.
-----
and last other trans guys, specially the really hot ones who pass well, and who reminds me about myself.

I had this young guy, he pass alot better than me, and it went fast with his homones, his famely is accepting him, and he got alot of attention for being so brave being out as his young age..

I also got out, however my parrents arnt fully accepting like that, and I just dont think I am natural passable the same way.. or maybe my homones are just slower to work. so far the only thing im not jelous about is the fact he got more hair than me.

[tekla]

They hand him the same things that I had to work for.

You should be out in the streets screaming "Thank You God!" at the top of your lungs and doing the happy dance.  In the long run you're getting the far better side of that equation - even when it does not seem like it at times.  Few people realize - until its far too late - how much of a handicap having an easy life is in the long run.

[hwytoaster]

A lot of cis guys get everything HANDED to them, and it drives me to fits of rage!!! (cis) Guys are lazy, whining complainers and everyone takes pity on them and they get everything they want handed to them! While we who are born with female parts have to work, struggle and fight all hell just to get the scraps that are leftover!!! Drives me effing insane!!! 

And I don't have any siblings. I just see this ALL THE TIME!!

[N.Chaos]

Every wonderfully oblivious guy who jogs/runs/bikes/trudges down the street in just a t-shirt, or shirtless.

And, this really bothers me, by boyfriend. So much. He's just so...comfortable. I find myself wishing I could rip that comfort and acceptance away from him on particularly bad days. Just watching him sit around shirtless, the way he rolls out of bed and just throws whatever on, it all pisses me off. I feel like the biggest ->-bleeped-<- for it, but I can't even deny it.

[Cody Jensen]

A lot of cis guys get everything HANDED to them, and it drives me to fits of rage!!! (cis) Guys are lazy, whining complainers and everyone takes pity on them and they get everything they want handed to them! While we who are born with female parts have to work, struggle and fight all hell just to get the scraps that are leftover!!! Drives me effing insane!!! 

And I don't have any siblings. I just see this ALL THE TIME!!

I have to agree on some of this. It seems to me like almost everyone acts like cis guys are the best things that have happened since sliced bread. Often I see some cis guys don't even appreciate it and women are "useless property" to them and they just have to "put up with them". I saw a poster driving down a highway with my dad one time that said "If You Want To Be A Successful Woman, Leave Canada". It broke my heart. (I present myself as female at the moment even though I want to be male). My grandparents are both traditionally sexist towards women and they are also homophobiacs and it just makes me so depressed I even wished death on myself at one point.

[Leek]

I understand the kind of jealousy you speak of. "He doesn't deserve it; he didn't have to work for it." I've felt it before myself, towards bioguys. Especially the annoying, "ball-scratching" kind. Buuuuut...

But I am just so insanely (literally going insane here) jealous of him.  I don't even believe in God, but I find myself asking, "why God?!"  Why did I have to be born like this and fight and struggle for everything.  And then he gets EVERYTHING handed to him, including being born in a male body.  And he doesn't even appreciate it.  He doesn't even know what he's got.  he takes it all for granted.

Besides all the "he's lazy and gets stuff handed to him" stuff which is un-trans-related, he can't really help how he was born either, and you can't really expect him to be grateful for being a guy the same way that you are, since he's never had to work for it.

You were given by nature the privilege to work for being physically and chemically male, and to have to learn how to be a man without anyone teaching you. You can be any kind of man you want to be. You were lucky enough to have been born trans. He'll never know what that's like and that sucks for him; most bioguys follow a default route through life in this regard and don't explore the male part (or really a lot of parts) of themselves much besides what they're taught. Not all of us can have such a huge medium for growth, learning, and personal / spiritual development like the condition of being transgendered.

It's sad that he'll probably never appreciate and enjoy his masculinity the way you do, but what can really be done? Try to forgive him for what he doesn't know and what he'll probably never know.

I guess, in a way, I can admit that all the struggles I go through is just apart of me becoming me and I learn from everything.  and I would never want to have the personality that my brother has, which is also the personality that causes everyone to just give to him.  I do like who I am, and I wouldn't be who I am without all the experiences I have and will have. 
So basically, I wouldn't want to switch places with him.

Exactly. You have a HUGE advantage over him when it comes to this. I just wish more transguys in general remembered this.

[Felix]

@Andy8715

Good call on the pronouns. I just found out, and I totally wasn't thinking when I posted. I haven't known her since we were kids, and I was careless. Didn't mean to be offensive.

I grew up in rural Georgia, Texas, and Florida. Military family, very conservative, evangelical southern baptists, lots of hunting and fishing, snake-handling, speaking in tongues, etc. I was explicitly told that girls with short hair burn in hell. I wasn't allowed to watch secular television or listen to secular music. I was beaten when I tried to refuse to wear a dress to church. I was treated with suspicion when I was caught reading books. It was all kinda awful, but I was abandoned at a youngish age, and my worldview may be skewed, but it isn't so restricted as it might have been.

[N.Chaos]

I have to agree on some of this. It seems to me like almost everyone acts like cis guys are the best things that have happened since sliced bread. Often I see some cis guys don't even appreciate it and women are "useless property" to them and they just have to "put up with them". I saw a poster driving down a highway with my dad one time that said "If You Want To Be A Successful Woman, Leave Canada". It broke my heart. (I present myself as female at the moment even though I want to be male). My grandparents are both traditionally sexist towards women and they are also homophobics and it just makes me so depressed I even wished death on myself at one point.

I'm starting to think I'm in the minority here, but I almost never see this. It's actually the inverse from what I've seen, that women are treated like the most perfect thing ever that can do no wrong, and men are always awful, horrible people.

[hwytoaster]

I have to agree on some of this. It seems to me like almost everyone acts like cis guys are the best things that have happened since sliced bread. Often I see some cis guys don't even appreciate it and women are "useless property" to them and they just have to "put up with them". I saw a poster driving down a highway with my dad one time that said "If You Want To Be A Successful Woman, Leave Canada". It broke my heart. (I present myself as female at the moment even though I want to be male). My grandparents are both traditionally sexist towards women and they are also homophobiacs and it just makes me so depressed I even wished death on myself at one point.

Really? Women can't be successful in Canada? I always thought Canada was real progressive like the Scandinavian countries.   

[Sharky]

I'm starting to think I'm in the minority here, but I almost never see this. It's actually the inverse from what I've seen, that women are treated like the most perfect thing ever that can do no wrong, and men are always awful, horrible people.

It definitely goes both ways. In my experience women are just as sexiest as men.

[Elijah3291]

hey, i dont have much advice, but it does get better with time and HRT.

My brother is 5 years older then me and we have ALWAYS looked alike. So before hormones (and still some now) I have always been jealous of him, I would find myself seeing his muscle, flat chest in tight t shirts, lack of hips, and extra few inches of height.  not to mention him having male genitals.

but it does get a lot easier once you begin hormones, now that I am on T I can appreciate my body for my own, and watch my hips go down etc.

I was even at his wedding Saturday and everyone kept saying I looked exactly like him.

keep your head up.