I feel bad, because I have to say goodbye

[seldom]

I feel bad about writing this, but after some therapy I have realized I am a transsexual.  Androgyne was place holder when I felt more confused.  But with therapy I am beginning to obtain clarity. 
The truth is I would like to transition, and I do feel like I should be female, though a rather bookish one.   I have a very good therapist, and it is kinda like I am discovering my true self.

The truth is I used androgyny as a cover because I was confused.  Now though I have some degree of clarity for the first time in my life. 

The truth is when I first talked to a therapist as 17, they were just dealing with anxiety, but the gender identity issues were not prepared to deal with, and to tell you the truth I was not prepared to deal with them myself.  So everything was suspected nothing was dealt with honestly.  So I just continued.


But the thing is I am 28, and I was getting sick of personal breakdowns throughout my twenties.  I knew I had to deal with my gender identity issues, so I did some exploring.  I never identified as male, essential things were missing.  So I used the androgyne identity as a placeholder while I tried to figure things out.  The thing is I am starting to realize it was just that, a placeholder.  The thing is I always felt this way, but I also was conflicted, but that was for lack of good therapy.  The truth is I am TS, I am a woman who is stuck in a male body, and I need to change that. 

I did not mean to mislead anybody here. 

Amy (aka Seldom)

[Thundra]

When did identifying as a woman, and being adrogynous become mutually exclusive qualities? Did I miss a memo?  I know plenty of women that are androgynous.

Thundra

[Melissa]

Thundra, being an androgyne and looking androgynous are 2 different things.  One is in regards to identity and the other is in regards to appearance. 

Don't worry Amy, that's perfectly fine and there's no need to apologize.  I started out identifying as lesbian, I now identify as bi and who knows where I'll be in a year or 2 from now.  Also, coming out of denial is something that tends to be done in stages and the important thing is you are discovering who you are.

Some like you find comfort in the androgyne community, and others like myself in the gay world

It could be worse.  You could have tried the straight cisgendered world like me.

Melissa

[cindianna_jones]

Oh dear, don't worry about it!  Just be yourself.  Just make sure that you are happy.

I am very androgynous as a woman. I'm a bit of a tomboy. I suppose that's one of the reasons that I get by so well.  The public view of a transsexual is a very masculine person in a dress, heels, and really bad eye liner.  I wear steel toed shoes, jeens, and a tee.  Almost all the time.  Course.... I live in the country and that's what we wear out here.

Cindi

[Susan]

I have added you to the MTF Transsexual peer group, but I have left you in the Androgyne group as well. Let me know if you wish to have it removed.

[TheBattler]

Amy,

I am sure you will not be the last person to seek being Androgyne to avoid having to identify TS. I know I am somewhere in the TG spectrim - and I am still trying to work out where I sit as I am just coming out of denile myself.

You do not need to say goodbye as we all all friends in here and helping each other.

Alice

[Sangre y Leche]

Don't feel bad just because you are following who you are! To my opinion, it needs a whole lot of strength to become your true self, and if this is what you truly feel then this is you. You can be proud of that!
I believe that true happiness can never be reached if we only live up to expectations, no matter if it is our own expectations or someone elses. True happiness is only to find within yourself, by discovering it slowly more and more and more. The only guide you have are your feelings. When something feels structuraly right, and it seems to fit perfectly (especially in contrast to the feelings you had before), go for it. Discover it.

[Buffy]

Amy....

All of us go through a period of discovery.It is a very important part of our process and self discovery.

You are who you are, no deception, no lies, just a realization that you have found where you lie on the Gender Spectrum.

Be happy that you are making process.

Buffy

[Casey]

Amy, do you remember this from when Jillieanne said she is TS?

No need to apologize silly. 

That was a very long and complicated explanation, and pretty much completely unnecessary.

The sentiment is the same here too kiddo. What's the big theme that keeps coming up here? Be yourself, because that's the only thing you can be. Whether you're androgyne or TS or whatever, we just want you to be who you are. It's a really great thing that you're discovering just who that is. I'm very happy for you. 

[angelsgirl]

Amy, I don't think you have anything to apologize for. Heh, heh, it's kinda one way to tell that you're a woman. Women have a tendency to apologize for doing things that improve their station if they feel it inconviences someone else where men usually don't.   I'm really happy that you've discovered your true self. That's not an easy thing to do. It makes perfect sense to me that you'd have androgyne as a middle ground until you figured yourself out (even if you did it unconsciously), and the fear of discovering that you're ts I'm sure is enough to keep a lot of people in denial until they can ignore it no longer. Don't leave the site, I just know that we'll all be happy to support you now as a TS. I think you're a very sweet and strong person and I wish you best!

[Kendall]

Ok

When did identifying as a woman, and being adrogynous become mutually exclusive qualities? Did I miss a memo?  I know plenty of women that are androgynous.

Thundra

Yes there are androgyne men, women, intergender, eunuchs, bigender, and more walks of life. It mainly means that you see yourself in something other than a 2 polar gender system.

I used androgyny as a cover because I was confused.

Anyone reading this listen up. Androgyne is not a very good cover. What it entails may frighten one that is polar.  Androgynes have thousands of faces, variations, and incarnations. But you will find out really fast if your one sided and polar or not. Because the idea of dwelling in all gender areas would be very uncomfortable.

You can be a androgyne (lets take a birth biology) bio female if you posses and accepted masculinity as well as feminity / or deny both female and male to be more neutral/ or allow your gender to be undefined/ or allow your gender to shift around; psychologically, behaviorally, socially, physically, and appearance wise. Certainly this may include those that dont identify as androgynes, so a significant amount of identification would probably be necessary.

I did not mean to mislead anybody here. 

Amy (aka Seldom)

I actually feel good if anything I write helps you find your way in any way. Even if your not androgyne. Realizing you are not one, is just as important as realizing you are.

And maybe your post will help others understand the difference between androgyne and not androgyne.

I feel bad about writing this, but after some therapy I have realized I am a transsexual.  Androgyne was place holder when I felt more confused.  But with therapy I am beginning to obtain clarity. 
The truth is I would like to transition, and I do feel like I should be female, though a rather bookish one.   I have a very good therapist, and it is kinda like I am discovering my true self.

Lets remind others however that being transsexual does not exclude one from being psychologically androgyne, behaviorally androgyne, nor socially androgyne (not to mention the androgynous appearance melissa mentioned). I am not saying you are one, but for others that might read this.

If you find yourself bending gender lines, mix and matching.....you might be an androgyne.

Certainly androgyne isnt mutually exclusive.

[Thundra]

Whew!  Yet another term to learn?  Goddess, how will I ever keep up?
You kids are wearing me out!!!!

Thundra, being an androgyne and looking androgynous are 2 different things.  One is in regards to identity and the other is in regards to appearance. 

So, I stand corrected!  My apologies.  Would a person that identifies as androgyne than be, well, non-gendered? Or BI-gendered?  Help me out here please?

I have been androgynous most of my life, or andro as we used to say.  Drives people crazy for the most part.

So, what about sexuality then?  Would an androgyne be BI-sexual then, or is it like trans-genderedness, in that someone could be an androgyne and str8 or homosexual?  "Whew" I say again.  Oy vey!

[Hazumu]

... So, we say goodbye to Seldom--

--but hello to Amy, right?

Amy, now that you've come to accept your true self, do you feel as if a huge rock has been lifted from you?

Karen

[Suzy]

Amy dear, I guess I missed something.  Instead of apologizing, you should be celebrating.  It's so awesome that you have discovered who you are.  I know it is a difficult process, but what a relief you must feel.  I am so very happy for you!

Kristi

[seldom]

I am not going to say a huge rock has been lifted yet, but the load has been lightened significantly. 

I am not going to say I regret hiding behind the androgyny. To be honest all the years living in the non-binary will help me out with transitioning.   I think I learned a little bit more on the outside, and I do not have an idealized version of femininity  that I feel I will have to reach in order to feel comfortable.     I still have a long journey ahead of me.  The thing is even with transition I do not think all of the androgyny will fade.  It is still a part of me in some form.   

I am not leaving Susans.  I love this board, it has been nothing but supportive.  Its more like goodbye seldom, hello Amy.

(I am not sure I will stick to Amy.  But I always liked Amy, and it is one of two names I would go with going forward, sorry if I seem indecisive on this, but there are reasons for this). 

Thank you very much for the support!

Amy

[Jillieann Rose]

Amy,
What comes around goes around.
Back at you.
Quote from: Amy T.

No need to apologize silly. 

That was a very long and complicated explanation, and pretty much completely unnecessary.

I'm so happy for you.
Yes I really know what you mean by the load been lighter. I'm not fighting with myself and I like one person now.
From another person who thought they were androgyny.

Jillieann

[Melissa]

So, I stand corrected!  My apologies.  Would a person that identifies as androgyne than be, well, non-gendered? Or BI-gendered?  Help me out here please?

It depends on the person.  It seems like there are a number of different types of androgynes, but the 2 you mentioned are part of it.

I have been androgynous most of my life, or andro as we used to say.  Drives people crazy for the most part.

It's fun huh?  I was at that point at one time in my transition.  Everyone stares at you wondering what the heck you are.  The only thing is I didn't feel comfortable going into most bathrooms.

So, what about sexuality then?  Would an androgyne be BI-sexual then, or is it like trans-genderedness, in that someone could be an androgyne and str8 or homosexual?  "Whew" I say again.  Oy vey!

Sexuality is separate.  However, I'm not sure how labels for androgynes work.  For instance if they like women are the lesbian, straight, or something else?  I think if forced to choose, they usually go with birth sex.

Melissa

[Kendall]

Sexuality is separate.  However, I'm not sure how labels for androgynes work.  For instance if they like women are the lesbian, straight, or something else?  I think if forced to choose, they usually go with birth sex.

Melissa

We talked a little bit about it in a post discusing another post on the web https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,9218.0.html. No real conclusions were made however. I think its more individually based.