I don't come 'round here too often any more and usually, when I do, I read up on moderation reports and read through a couple threads and then I get frustrated, even angry, and I close the tab and have to go do something else to calm down...
Heck, sometimes reading political news is a good "calming" activity after reading through yet another thread full of the same infighting and identity policing that's been going 'round for a while now and it is getting to be too much for me.
I'm the sort that tries his best to write from a calm, reasonable, rational standpoint which means I have made it a habit to walk away, catch my breath, calm down and think things through before I start typing.
Obviously, when something really pisses me off whenever I come around the amount of posting I actually do drops down pretty far pretty fast.
Still, this place is for "ranting" and I really need to get these thoughts out at least this once.
You know what I'm referring to.
I'm referring to the "you're not really transsexual unless you X/Y/Z" debate and the stacks of accusations that come with it.
I'm gonna start with two tiny little sentences just to express the core of my sentiment and what'll follow.
Our rights will never be equal if we keep denying them to each other.
No two human beings are a 100% identical in any way.
- The rights that transsexual people have been fighting for since the first trans person stood up and dared seek it for herself is the right to be themselves, the right to having a body that they can live with and fits their identity as closely as possible, the right to be recognized as a human being, as themselves, and the right to be free of oppression and abuse.
One of the things in this debate that angers me is the suggestion that non-op trans persons are impeding the current fight or demeaning those that have fought for trans rights in the past or even damaging what progress this fight for these basic human rights has already accomplished.
The implication is that by asking for the same rights as others the non-op is depriving them of their rights.
I don't know about you, but this right there is possibly the most insulting part of the debate to me.
It's not a new argument either, it's been used every time a minority has sought out some basic human rights for themselves to push a part of the minority down for not complying with a standard of being or presenting which is thrust upon them with considerable force.
For example, bisexuals (and other people who don't fit into homosexuality or heterosexuality as an accurate description of their sexual orientation) get this form of guff from homosexuals both in the form of outright bigotry and denial that their sexual orientation is even real as well as in the form of the accusation that their existence and open presentation as themselves is impeding the current fight, demeaning "all" homosexuals but especially those that have fought for gay rights in the past and even damaging what rights they've already obtained.
It is impossible for someone to reduce your rights or get in the way of you having your rights simply asking to be given human rights that others have or are also asking for while not fitting some standard they never agreed to themselves and continuing to suggest it takes the responsibility away from where it lies, with the system that denies us all our rights.
It's not the trans woman who chooses to live with her penis that makes society mock you, deny you work or housing, deny you medical help, deny you any number of human rights you are being denied. It's society's ignorance, arrogance and xenophobia.
Furthermore, when you accuse others of this, you are adding to the ignorance, arrogance and xenophobia by taking it and making it your own and using it to oppress others.
We all just want to be ourselves.
Period.
End of story!
I don't prevent you from being you by being me and you don't prevent me from being me by being you!
But when we accuse one another of getting in the way of equal rights simply by existing and being different from ourselves then we've started doing something other than just "being ourselves", we've started policing what others are allowed to be to deserve the same rights as we have or want.
And when we start doing that then we are no longer fighting to be treated as "equal" but we've started fighting to be treated as superior.
- There's another point that makes me angry, nowhere near as angry as the above one in and of itself but it frustrates me to no end and I feel I've addressed it repeatedly and what makes me angry is that it appears like people either don't understand why it's problematic or they just don't care.
It's the focus on genital surgery.
See, this frustrates me to no end for a couple of reasons.
There's the obvious (to me) problem of defining each other by their genital status when we are all here because society defined us by our genitals in the past and they defined us wrong. (I'm going to expand on this before I address the second main reason.)
I've brought this up repeatedly, and I've seen others bring this up repeatedly, but this doesn't seem to slow down the regurgitation of this point at all.
I mean, is it really that hard?
We are brought up in a society that takes a peek at our genitals at birth and exclaims penis = a boy, will grow up to be a man, get a job, marry a woman, get her pregnant, etc. vulva = a girl, will grow up to be a woman, get a job, marry a man, get pregnant, etc.
We are the people who end up saying "No, I'm not a boy/girl even if I have a vulva/penis."
We come here to get away from society that keeps telling us that we're delusional cause we're obviously boys/girls cause we have penises/vulvas to be allowed to be ourselves, talk to one another, share our experiences, look for advice and support from other people who can understand that just cause you have a penis/vulva doesn't mean you're a boy/girl.
To come here, and to other places like this, and get told that if we don't do everything humanly possible to get rid of the penis/vulva we're obviously boys/girls is a pretty big let down.
I mean, if I wanted someone to tell me I'm a delusional girl I'd go to a forum full of bigoted asses.
I don't know about you, but my genitals do not make me a girl!
They didn't when I was born.
They didn't 10 years ago.
They don't today!
We've all had the conversation with some idiot who can't get over what's in our pants, that can't stop defining us by their contents, that can not understand that the presence of a penis is not the be all end all definition of whether or not you are a man, if it was then we wouldn't exist!
And that brings us to the second part of why this argument sets me off.
"Except if you're FTM"
This comment often comes up as an attempt to show some meager understanding for the fact that trans men do not have as good options as trans women but it's such a disgusting comment when shown in context of where it's being used that it does nothing to actually help.
It's tucked into a conversation wherein transsexuality is being defined by genital surgery plans and gender (no, not sex, gender) is being defined by genital status or plans for genital surgery. Where women are being defined by the presence of or plan for a vagina (not "desire" for, plan for).
There's such a hypocritical nature to the argument especially when it comes with that little tag right there.
I'm not defined by my genitals because the results of surgeries available to me are not as good as results of surgeries available to women, who are then defined repeatedly in the span of a short post by their genitals, denied their womanhood, because... penis.
But it's okay, I don't need to have a penis to count as a guy, cause I'm FTM.
I do not want any effing charity!
I do not want to be an effing exception!
I am a man.
Period.
End of effing story!
Not because I have a penis.
Not because I can't get a penis surgically created that is sufficiently natural looking and functioning to be worth the surgical risks (in my opinion, in relation to my own body, no one else's.)
Not because I'm allowed to be a man with a vagina because I'm FTM.
But because I was born a man.
I am no more a man now than I was 10 years ago, and I'm no less a man now than I was 10 years ago.
I really shouldn't have to say that, considering the first problem with this general point, but apparently I do, and that pisses me off.
I'm not the exception to the rule, I am the rule. I am a man who was born with a body that did not and does not fit the standard configuration of a male body.
It's not a woman's body, it's mine, I'm a man, therefore it's a man's body.
I have had to explain the fact that I am a man, that I identify as male, that it doesn't matter whether I'm wearing a dress or wearing slacks, that it doesn't matter whether I have long hair or short, and that it doesn't matter whether I have a penis or a vagina, I identify as male, I know I'm a man, to a lot of people.
If there was one group of people I would never have believed that I would have to explain this to is others who have had to explain the same to people around them!
- And this infighting and bickering and so on... it doesn't help anyone.
Not only does it hurt us as individuals to have our identities disrespected by "our own", but it hurts our cause in seeking equal rights!
One of the central points of seeking trans rights, at least where I'm from, is and has been that women who identify as women are women and men who identify as men are men and that they should be treated as the men and women they are and given what help they need, as individuals, to live!
The only problem with that point, in my opinion, is that it's too binary and it doesn't allow human beings to simply be themselves.
See, what happens when we, trans people, start pointing at each other and saying "you're not really transsexual" is that we're also telling each other "you're not really a man/woman" and when this comes with a genital focus it equates gender with sex and that's not a step towards being recognized by our gender when our sex differs from it.
And all this energy we waste on policing each other's identity and defining each other and hurting each other and ruining any remote chance of cohesion could be put into actually bloody working towards getting the rights we all want, the rights we all deserve, regardless of whether or not we want to let someone take a razor sharp blade to our genitals or not!
- I am so horribly fed up, sick to death, of seeing this bickering and identity policing and the hurt feelings and angry posts and I know, I know I'm quite probably going to see more of it as a response to this post, but I can't keep quiet any longer.
I'm tired, I'm sore, and I'm fed up.
It makes this site into yet another battleground, and I came here because I needed support, advice, and acceptance from people who understood that I am not my genitalia, not to fight battles.
I'm intending to make this the last post I make on the subject, but that may not mean I'm done lurking.
Like I said, this whole thing is just too angering for me to be around it much.
