I Can't Take My Family Anymore

[Cody Jensen]

Seriously, I can't deal with my family anymore. Unless I'm the only one home it's constant b*tching and I mentally can't do it anymore. All I thought about today was suicide thoughts and how badly I want to run away. I had a dream to move to a warm sunny place and making a whole new crowd of cool friends and especially NOT having to deal with my family (though I know the moving to a beach part is really childish and unrealistic). For now I just want to focus on the moving away part. I seriously cannot stand my sister. She always acts like a diva and all the time it's always about her. I can never seem to make my dad proud like she does. I don't know why. Everywhere we go he always talks about her and never me. I posted something similar to this a while back (about me wanting to move out). I really don't know how to go about doing it but I can't stay here any longer!

[xxUltraModLadyxx]

if it's that bad, you should definately move. i'm sure you could do searches online to see any lower rent places you could live. that could be a good start as long as you have the money raised.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Seriously, I can't deal with my family anymore. Unless I'm the only one home it's constant b*tching and I mentally can't do it anymore. All I thought about today was suicide thoughts and how badly I want to run away. I had a dream to move to a warm sunny place and making a whole new crowd of cool friends and especially NOT having to deal with my family (though I know the moving to a beach part is really childish and unrealistic). For now I just want to focus on the moving away part. I seriously cannot stand my sister. She always acts like a diva and all the time it's always about her. I can never seem to make my dad proud like she does. I don't know why. Everywhere we go he always talks about her and never me. I posted something similar to this a while back (about me wanting to move out). I really don't know how to go about doing it but I can't stay here any longer!

According to your profile you are 19, that is plenty old enough to get a job and save every cent you can, when you get enough you can put a deposit on an apartment and move in, pay your rent and such until congrats you are living on your own.

[Princess of Hearts]

I am the opposite, I get on so well with my family that I never want to live on my own.

[Cody Jensen]

I am the opposite, I get on so well with my family that I never want to live on my own.

I envy you.

[xAndrewx]

According to your profile you are 19, that is plenty old enough to get a job and save every cent you can, when you get enough you can put a deposit on an apartment and move in, pay your rent and such until congrats you are living on your own.

I partially agree with his statement (No offense man). Well... I mean I fully agree with his statement, he is entirely right, but if I was in your situation I would follow half of that.

Here's my experience- I still live at home with my mom and two family members. Mom and I get along great but the other two... not so much. When I felt like I was at breaking point it motivated me to get a job. I was out of the house so I didn't really deal with them anymore.

My advice- I'd suggest living there as long as you can handle it, finding a job or going to a college that you will spend most of your day at and start saving cash. Make a moving away fund and either save a certain amount each paycheck or do what I did and save all of your coins at the end of the day. It adds up after a while. When I lost my job, from doing that every day for 2 months I had $120 saved.

[Heavenlywind]

I'd recommend what Andrew had to say for the most part.  However, my experience was somewhat like yours. I never got along with my family and I got disowned by my whole family. I was the scapegoat in my family and most of the time if they weren't yelling at me I was the "non existent one." 

One direct way is to tell your father and sister what they do and tell them how you feel. Your father/sister not even realize they are doing this. Other than that you can get some income and save up. Running away certainly isn't the right choice if you have no where to go.  Personally I would just endure it and get out of there when you can. In my experience I didn't have a choice, since I got kicked out of the house. If you have nowhere to go then just endure it. Its better then living on the streets that I can tell you.

[Taka]

if you live with your parents that means they actually do care about you, even if they don't feel much proud of you. if they didn't care, you'd be out on the streets already. but i know how hard it is to be around people who you can't get along with at all. i've a really bad relationship with my mother, and the reason it can't get better is that she doesn't realize even when i tellher. and it is never her fault when i get pissed at her

but i'll still endure until i can move to a better place. it takes money, and i only got a job this month and need the first payments for buying a car. so i'm still stuck with a parent who's unable to care in a way that is good for me. luckily she often works overtime, and the rest of my family are easy to get along with as long as she doesn't meddle

my only advice is that you do what's necessary to ensure that when you leave your family, it's for something better. it's so easy to get into worse situations if you act rashly

[Cody Jensen]

I'd recommend what Andrew had to say for the most part.  However, my experience was somewhat like yours. I never got along with my family and I got disowned by my whole family. I was the scapegoat in my family and most of the time if they weren't yelling at me I was the "non existent one." 

One direct way is to tell your father and sister what they do and tell them how you feel. Your father/sister not even realize they are doing this. Other than that you can get some income and save up. Running away certainly isn't the right choice if you have no where to go.  Personally I would just endure it and get out of there when you can. In my experience I didn't have a choice, since I got kicked out of the house. If you have nowhere to go then just endure it. Its better then living on the streets that I can tell you.

I don't take any offense to what anyone said here. I am with you 100% on the moving out thing. I am saving up actually. But about telling my sister and dad how I feel, I've done that already and they know how they make me feel. They just shrug it off. Heck we've even tried counselling and nothing's changed.

[Luc]

if you live with your parents that means they actually do care about you, even if they don't feel much proud of you. if they didn't care, you'd be out on the streets already. but i know how hard it is to be around people who you can't get along with at all. i've a really bad relationship with my mother, and the reason it can't get better is that she doesn't realize even when i tellher. and it is never her fault when i get pissed at her

but i'll still endure until i can move to a better place. it takes money, and i only got a job this month and need the first payments for buying a car. so i'm still stuck with a parent who's unable to care in a way that is good for me. luckily she often works overtime, and the rest of my family are easy to get along with as long as she doesn't meddle

my only advice is that you do what's necessary to ensure that when you leave your family, it's for something better. it's so easy to get into worse situations if you act rashly

This is true, to an extent. For 5 years (since I came out to them), my parents have made my life a living hell, whether or not I've been living with them. The unfortunate thing is, I've had some serious trouble finding work, so I've been forced to stay with them multiple times throughout the past few years. Right now, I'm with them for the last time. You can say that a person's parents wouldn't let them stay if they didn't care--- this is a common bargaining chip my folks use, particularly to make me feel guilty for asking them to stop emotionally abusing me. Last Thursday, I had had it with their snide, backhanded comments about my gender, etc., and said something about it. I asked my father to stop calling me by my birth name, and my mom... well, that's a far longer story. As far as my dad, he said that if I insist upon being treated like a man, he'll treat me like one--- he'll hit me the next time I cross him. That was the last straw for me. My father has never hit me or my 21-year-old brother (bio male), so for him to resort to that with me is an obvious transphobic action. I won't subject myself to it anymore.

For months I've been bemoaning the fact that I didn't have money to leave, and didn't have a way of making it, since I'd already exhausted myself applying to every job available, including temp agencies, to no avail. Then I looked at my belongings, and realized that my safety and well-being are far more important than some STUFF. I'm selling it off, and I'm moving out of state. Josh, I don't know how bad your parents are, but if there's any potential for it to escalate as my situation has, get out before any more damage is done.

[Heavenlywind]

I don't take any offense to what anyone said here. I am with you 100% on the moving out thing. I am saving up actually. But about telling my sister and dad how I feel, I've done that already and they know how they make me feel. They just shrug it off. Heck we've even tried counselling and nothing's changed.

I see, thats to bad that they don't listen to you. I guess you could keep trying until they get the message or you can just shrug it off. I remember doing family therapy and I think it actually made things worse.  I got kicked out of the house when I was your age 19 and I lived in my car for a year. I luckily had a job at the time. Just be patient and  you shall be rewarded in time, no sense in rushing out if you can't support your basic needs. As for your family your probably just incompatible with them, just like I am with mine. I haven't spoken or seen any of them in close to five years.

[ToriJo]

The best thing I ever did in my life - the only reason I'm alive today - is that I moved out the first time I got a chance.  I got out of my home town and haven't looked back.

My first suicide attempt was when I was 8 - and it didn't get any better until I finally got out of that town.  Fortunately I'm pretty incompetent when it comes to killing myself.  So I understand the pain - as do many other people here.

If your life is anything like mine was, the fact that you've made it this far says you have tremendous (even supernatural) strength. Tap into it, no matter what you have to do.  Find something - even if it is 'stupid' - to look forward to.  For me, a new Star Trek episode the next week was enough to get me to get through a week.  It doesn't matter what the thing that postpones it is - only that you focus on getting to that next thing before you do anything permanent.  Find something to get you through the hour, the day, the week, etc.

You will get out of there.  You will get a chance to live your life.

[Cody Jensen]

The best thing I ever did in my life - the only reason I'm alive today - is that I moved out the first time I got a chance.  I got out of my home town and haven't looked back.

My first suicide attempt was when I was 8 - and it didn't get any better until I finally got out of that town.  Fortunately I'm pretty incompetent when it comes to killing myself.  So I understand the pain - as do many other people here.

If your life is anything like mine was, the fact that you've made it this far says you have tremendous (even supernatural) strength. Tap into it, no matter what you have to do.  Find something - even if it is 'stupid' - to look forward to.  For me, a new Star Trek episode the next week was enough to get me to get through a week.  It doesn't matter what the thing that postpones it is - only that you focus on getting to that next thing before you do anything permanent.  Find something to get you through the hour, the day, the week, etc.

You will get out of there.  You will get a chance to live your life.

Thank you, this is starting to make me see things a little differently, like looking forward to things. Confusion is part of it too. It only adds to the suicide thoughts. Even if I give myself something to look forward too, not a moment goes by when I don't think about who the heck I am.