Non-Binary Introductions

[soulfairer]

Biologically I don't want to change myself, but mentally I feel out of synch and yet not completely. I thought that maybe I was just a normal woman who had issues with my appearance. Yet the idea of living like a woman no longer appeals to me, it feels as though I would be be lying to myself if I became the stereotypical woman. Especially since I feel as though I've tried all my life to fit the ideal image of a woman. I want to make peace with myself and all these feelings I have accumulated over the years, and tell myself that these emotions are normal, but I don't know if they are or where to go to talk about these feelings. Especially since, in someway and I don't want to offend anyone, but I feel ashamed of being neither male or female, but at the same time. I feel as though by accepting this part of me, I won't be ashamed of being something that is normal. So I am here and hope to learn a great deal from my elders. I hope you do not mind that I call those of you here 'elders' It is out of respect, though perhaps the term 'teachers' sounds more appealing. In conclusion, I am still very new to all of this and want to learn more. So for those of you who read this, thank you. :3

Hi, URse, I am in some ways something like that. At school, many people bullied me (though I am not certain why) and the issues with appearance were common to me, but I didn't realize I wanted to be 'female-looking'. As much as I like shopping, I don't like gossiping and wearing too feminine clothes - I'm just something in between.

My issues weren't classified as gender-related by me until 27, but many of them certainly are, even if they mean minor traits that, summed, will result in at least a strong clue. I don't feel like wearing dresses and skirts (though in the future it may change), nor wearing makeup eeeveryday. I just do it when I see fit.

About being male or female: I'm just something like that. I appreciate many male aspects for me (I'm MAAB) and I also appreciate many female aspects. So as male and female are social constructs, when we have enough aspects from both "sexes", how are we supposed to react? How am I supposed to feel if both male and female or neither are options to me? My own decision was: I am MAAB, but will change my gender presentation to female, even if an androgynous one.

I fortunately know some non-stereotypical males and females. They are settled with their gender construct, but they also aren't that stereotypical. Some men wear makeup, some women wear male jackets and I know people from both genders that look androgynous.

There are no elders of teachers here, we're just sharing our perspectives As everyone is an entire and unique universe, it may happen that we connect in a tortuous way, but we shall always remember that we are diverse in many aspects, more than commonly found, because we just share our innards. And in them there are all the subtleties that make us rich. AFAIK, our difference as a community lies in the fact that we are able to share things between ourselves more freely than in many other communities. We may share our "strange" tastes. And that's why we like so much this place.

Welcome!

[Sierra Dasilva]

Hi all.
Also took the cogniati test.
Androgne but more inclined to the female side.

[suzifrommd]

Hi all.
Also took the cogniati test.
Androgne but more inclined to the female side.

Be advised that a lot of people consider the cogiati and sage tests unreliable. There is no evidence they can predict transgender.

[Jamie D]

Now I've read all your introductions, I suppose it is time to post my own...

Hello everyone.
My name will be Sky, eventually.
Today I am 24 years old. I was born a female, lived through my earliest childhood wondering why I couldn't choose between playing in the boys' or the girls' team during recess, chose for playing with the boys when I got a few years older -- until puberty hit me and I figured I should adapt myself to my new physical presence, with the boobs and all.
It felt as if I were cosplaying all those years, and frankly, I never really minded that because I can enjoy a good dress-up party like any other.
During that time, when I looked into the mirror, I saw a boy in drag. And I loved it. But every time people referred to me as  "she" and "her", I died a little on the inside.

Deep down I have always known I should have been born a boy, though since I started to consider transitioning I more and more realized that I have always been androgynous. It's just that I should have been a male bodied androgyne; I finally realize that now, and it took me a hell of a while to find out.

Now I know this, I am struggling with myself about how to deal with this. For I am a hypocrite. 
I'm pansexual and like to see myself as gender-blind. Gender-based prejudices and sexism anger me to a point where I could kill someone.
The whole concept of gender alone just makes me sick. In my Utopia we would all just be humans. People. Persons. No emphasis on our hormones and private parts.
I've read it before in others' introductions -- Why is everything labeled to be for a specific gender? Clothes, to me, are just a piece of fabric to protect our flesh. Colours are something to beautify our world with. And a job is something anyone with the right skills can do, regardless of gender.

But still. I worry about my own gender. I resent to be perceived as female.
My feelings and beliefs are conflicting.
I wish I could be as gender-blind regarding myself as I am regarding to others.

Anyways, enough with the frustrations. Let's start over.

I'm Sky, a 24 year old rock singer from the Netherlands.
I am a borderline diagnosed vampire, who spends his days sleeping and his nights making music, playing video games, watching movies and drawing. One day I hope to publish an action packed manga.
Also, I want to learn Italian, but it isn't working out too well.

It would be fun to get to know you, yet I am not sure if I'm gonna post much. Fora scare me.

-Sky

There is nothing to be scared about.  Just peek in whenever you are up to it sky.

And by the way, we have several Dutch members on the site.

[Jamie D]

Hello there everyone,

My name is Urse and I am going to be 22 in May. I came here because over the past couple of weeks I found myself pondering the ideas of gender and what role I had in society, since I never really felt like a girl except when I was in 3rd grade. As I grew older I found myself questioning my sexuality and came to the conclusion that I wasn't a lesbian. In Junior High School I was frequently called a lesbian and some people would even call me gay, even though genetically it was impossible for me to be gay.  I remember feeling the most hurt from those times and another time, in which I was going to a Private School and hadn't been able to get the female uniform, so on one particular day. I dressed like the guys and immediately I was called a lesbian by the men there. When I did get my female uniform, I felt shunned by the girls at my school. I am not sure if this effected me in someway or not, but I remember a time where I once saw my cousin and myself in a picture. Immediately I thought of myself as looking like an unattractive man, but not a beautiful woman.

My curiosity peeked much later when my Mother called me 'a beautiful woman' on several occasions this past month, the only thing I could think of was that I was a beautiful man but not a woman. This raised more questions for me and I began questioning whether or not I was trans. I knew I didn't want to change my biology, but at the same time in dresses and skirts I felt like an man. I started to think that it would be easier to live in the world as a man. But my hobbies and interests also made me question if I could do that. I love cooking, drawing, painting, planting, talking to birds, butterfly watching even. All these interests people would call feminine but I don't enjoy many of the hobbies that women are usually associated with such as gossip, shopping, hanging out with their girl friends, slumber parties etc... These questions led me more and more to ponder where my place in society was and through searching I began to research about androgyny and I was led here.

Biologically I don't want to change myself, but mentally I feel out of synch and yet not completely. I thought that maybe I was just a normal woman who had issues with my appearance. Yet the idea of living like a woman no longer appeals to me, it feels as though I would be be lying to myself if I became the stereotypical woman. Especially since I feel as though I've tried all my life to fit the ideal image of a woman. I want to make peace with myself and all these feelings I have accumulated over the years, and tell myself that these emotions are normal, but I don't know if they are or where to go to talk about these feelings. Especially since, in someway and I don't want to offend anyone, but I feel ashamed of being neither male or female, but at the same time. I feel as though by accepting this part of me, I won't be ashamed of being something that is normal. So I am here and hope to learn a great deal from my elders. I hope you do not mind that I call those of you here 'elders' It is out of respect, though perhaps the term 'teachers' sounds more appealing. In conclusion, I am still very new to all of this and want to learn more. So for those of you who read this, thank you. :3

Our non-binary members here come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.  There is no one right way to present, but what is right for you.

I often think to myself, how boring the world would be if I had to be a binary and conform to a gender role and a societal expectation.  Ha!  I tried that for too long and it almost did me in.

[Shantel]

Hi URse and all the rest of you newbys that I have failed to greet! Welcome everyone, who like myself don't fit specifically into any of polite society's standard boxes. You are all in good company here in Susan's big family. 

[sicological]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here (have been hovering for a while), and all of your posts make me feel a bit more normal, so thanks!

I recently turned 18, and having often felt misgendered as a female, came to the realisation that actually I would feel wrong if I identified as male too. I now identify in my head as sort of bi-gender, I'm still working it all out but really I'd rather the whole concept didn't exist...

Anyway, I'll be going to university soon and hopefully will be able to restart my life as I want it to be - so I thought I'd practise by telling the internet

[ativan]

I now identify in my head as sort of bi-gender, I'm still working it all out but really I'd rather the whole concept didn't exist...

Welcome!
I understand how you'd rather the whole concept didn't exist.
I feel the same way, but the world seems to be concerned about it.
I label myself as non-binary. It's as close to ignoring the concept as I can get.
But gender is a part of what this forum runs on, so I also have a point of view about it.
Can't seem to get away from it...
But yah, welcome
Ativan

[dreameragi]

A big hello to all the wonderful people here :-)

I have been lurking around here from a while. Meaning to introduce myself, but did not really know what to say :-)

I am in my 40's, biologically male, identifying somewhere between the genders (androgyne). It's just recently that I have started questioning my gender identity. I guess I spend a great many years either trying to put on a front or letting other (bigger) issues eclipse my gender identity.

Came to a point where I finally realized that I have a non confirming gender identity. Accepting that and allowing myself to identify as a gender non confirming person gave me great peace, but also made me sad about what I could not acknowledge for all these years.

Going ahead something that I really want to be able to do is figure out how I can express myself and experience the universe as I would like to. I was recently watching a music video on the net. I noticed that the men and women were moved by the music in totally different ways, and it made me think: this (like the women) is exactly how I relate to the universe. But at the same time I also realize that I am different from women in many ways. I guess it is impossible for me to put myself in a fixed category. I prefer looking feminine, I am as comfortable playing sports as I am in the kitchen cooking. I generally enjoy healthy conversations which are neither testosterone nor estrogen dominated :-) Though I have to put my foot down and say that I relate really less with business talk :-) (no offense to those who do, please)

For a while I contemplated if I could transition, but I realized that I would be going from a gender non confirming man to a gender non confirming woman. I think there might be other ways of finding my true connection to the universe, and feeling peaceful with myself, than transitioning. I hope to explore these things in coming months. I hope to explore lifestyle changes, appearance, low dose medication, and even carving out a space where I can just be myself.

Thanks to all the wonderful people here for having such a great community.

[Shantel]

Welcome dreameragi!
           

[Jadedflames]

Well, I'm new here, so I guess this is what I am supposed to do...


I am a bio-male who identifies as bi-gender and leans more towards female than male. I am attracted to women. Currently I am going through a really rough patch of dysphoria, which always makes me want to just stay home and sculpt. By profession, however, I am a scenic carpenter and an actor. Best of both worlds.

My presentation changes from day to day, which is something I can still get away with in college, but I am graduating in may and am kind of concerned about what will happen to me then. Out of the closet to all but my family members, which is unfortunate, but necessary, they are VERY southern, and I would be practically guaranteed to be disowned.

I am currently seriously considering hormones, as my face and body are VERY mannish. I can't do anything about being 6' 2", but I can at least do something about my nonexistent hips and my prominent chin. Despite that though, I am not currently planning to transition, as that wouldn't really help the dysphoria (I would feel the same half the time, just from the other side).

Uhm. I like purple. It's a good color.

[soulfairer]

Well, I'm new here, so I guess this is what I am supposed to do...


I am a bio-male who identifies as bi-gender and leans more towards female than male. I am attracted to women exclusively. Currently I am going through a really rough patch of dysphoria, which always makes me want to just stay home and sculpt. By profession, however, I am a scenic carpenter and an actor. Best of both worlds.

My presentation changes from day to day, which is something I can still get away with in college, but I am graduating in may and am kind of concerned about what will happen to me then. Out of the closet to all but my family members, which is unfortunate, but necessary, they are VERY southern, and I would be practically guaranteed to be disowned.

I am currently seriously considering hormones, as my face and body are VERY mannish. I can't do anything about being 6' 2", but I can at least do something about my nonexistent hips and my prominent chin. Despite that though, I am not currently planning to transition, as that wouldn't really help the dysphoria (I would feel the same half the time, just from the other side).

Uhm. I like purple. It's a good color.

Hi, Jadedflames, I am a bio-male who transitioned but really likes the forest - here. I am attracted to female figures (women in the definition can be a extense definition, btw). Went from dysphoria to euphoria (first day out in the work is today), and my presentation also changes a lot.

My body once was 'very' mannish in some aspects (though I always had some androgynous touch here and there). I'm 5'8" and gained hips and have a more curvy face.

Hope you find your place here Welcome!

[ativan]

Went from dysphoria to euphoria (first day out in the work is today), and my presentation also changes a lot.
I'm 5'8" and gained hips and have a more curvy face.

Soulfairer! Congrats! (I found out I'm now 5'8", I'm shrinking...so are my hips, dammit  )

Jadedflames! Welcome to the forest!
Ativan

[Shantel]

Soulfairer! Congrats! (I found out I'm now 5'8", I'm shrinking...so are my hips, dammit  )

Jadedflames! Welcome to the forest!
Ativan

Don't feel bad, I was 6' until I joined the paratroops and was 5' 8" when I got out  Now I've shrunk to 5' 7".

[brainiac]

Throwing in another welcome to you, Jadedflames! I wonder, as an actor, how much do you deal with makeup? I think using makeup to feminize/masculinize faces is really cool (I love drag queens and kings).

...and purple is clearly the best color. Just sayin'. 

[Jadedflames]

Oh lord, Shantel! I had heard that that kind of thing happened, but I had no idea it was that noticable!

Brainiac, I do use makeup quite a bit, but mainly for things like injuries, aging, and basic corrective. Theatre makeup is usually much more opaque than what is worn on the street. I have done some feminization techniques, but have never had a call to use them on stage. I am actually taking an advanced stage makeup class now!

And yes. Purple is clearly the best. It is the color of awesome. If anyone asks what color awesome is, it is purple.

[Pica Pica]

Purple is definitely my favourite colour. It also represents the peacocking stage of alchemy, just before the white, pure phase at the very end.

[soulfairer]

Soulfairer! Congrats! (I found out I'm now 5'8", I'm shrinking...so are my hips, dammit  )

Jadedflames! Welcome to the forest!
Ativan

God! I was originally 5'8", so I'll likely shrink! But well, I can settle with 5'6"

[undeuxtrois]

I'm new here, but have been lurking Susans for many many years. I'm a trans* genderqueer MAAB, have been taking "MtF" hormones for the past 2 years (by lying to my therapist about my intent, which was not to full transition).

My clothing style is alt/sea//cyb0-whatev, so I wear weird meshed sports pants and loose-fitting, cut up shirts, tube top bras without pushup/straps (hate those). I avoid a lot of tight clothing to remain androgynous, but I have been doing laser/electrolysis to get rid of disgusting facial hair. I only wear a small layer of foundation around my eyes once in a while to disort the shadow casted under my brow to look more or less andro/female/male whatev I feel like. Hair's short, and 3 colors.

Anyway, I'm here to try finding similar folks to myself. As a trans* non-binary MAAB, I feel disconnected from the larger LGBTQIA community. There's no "shared identity" I can get behind with others like myself, at least from what I've seen so far, so I feel like I'm floating in an identity-less, gender-less aquarium full of estrogen.

So, I'm here to make myself stronger, more confident in my own body. I want to find a comfortable niché in the trans* / androgyne community...

[brainiac]

I'm new here, but have been lurking Susans for many many years. I'm a trans* genderqueer MAAB, have been taking "MtF" hormones for the past 2 years (by lying to my therapist about my intent, which was not to full transition).

My clothing style is alt/sea//cyb0-whatev, so I wear weird meshed sports pants and loose-fitting, cut up shirts, tube top bras without pushup/straps (hate those). I avoid a lot of tight clothing to remain androgynous, but I have been doing laser/electrolysis to get rid of disgusting facial hair. I only wear a small layer of foundation around my eyes once in a while to disort the shadow casted under my brow to look more or less andro/female/male whatev I feel like. Hair's short, and 3 colors.

Anyway, I'm here to try finding similar folks to myself. As a trans* non-binary MAAB, I feel disconnected from the larger LGBTQIA community. There's no "shared identity" I can get behind with others like myself, at least from what I've seen so far, so I feel like I'm floating in an identity-less, gender-less aquarium full of estrogen.

So, I'm here to make myself stronger, more confident in my own body. I want to find a comfortable niché in the trans* / androgyne community...

Bienvenue!

You're certainly welcome here, and you definitely aren't the only non-binary MAAB person on these forums. I hope you can feel at home here. It sounds like you have an awesome sense of style, too.