Non-Binary Introductions

[Benji]

Hello! My name is Zoe, or Benji. I'm biologically female but have been feeling more... stuck in the middle lately. Not entirely neutral (more of a lean to fem I suppose, though that might just be cause it's what I'm used to), but still not quite one or the other.

I'm hoping to make some friends here. I'd like to adopt a more androgynous look, and see if acting more androgynous would help me feel like I'm better embracing the entirety of how I feel my gender. Still pretty confused about a lot of things, but I suppose everyone is at some point.

[ativan]

I'm hoping to make some friends here.  Still pretty confused about a lot of things, but I suppose everyone is at some point.

Welcome friend! Look through some of the topics here, there's a lot of good information.
New topics are always welcome, just as you are. We specialize in confusion, we've all been there.
Ativan

[Jamie D]

Hello! My name is Zoe, or Benji. I'm biologically female but have been feeling more... stuck in the middle lately. Not entirely neutral (more of a lean to fem I suppose, though that might just be cause it's what I'm used to), but still not quite one or the other.

I'm hoping to make some friends here. I'd like to adopt a more androgynous look, and see if acting more androgynous would help me feel like I'm better embracing the entirety of how I feel my gender. Still pretty confused about a lot of things, but I suppose everyone is at some point.

Hi there, Benji!  Glad you found us 

This board is a meeting place for many of our non-binary members, like Ativan (above) and me.

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We all started by questioning our gender identity.  There is no one right answer for  these things.  Sometimes we just have to feel our way along.  And don't get too hung up on labels.

I know my goal is just to feel comfortable being me.  I identify as "bi-gendered" - but that is just a label, and labels are not always useful.

When you get to 15 posts, new aspects of the site will open to you.

Welcome!

[brainiac]

Hello! My name is Zoe, or Benji. I'm biologically female but have been feeling more... stuck in the middle lately. Not entirely neutral (more of a lean to fem I suppose, though that might just be cause it's what I'm used to), but still not quite one or the other.

I'm hoping to make some friends here. I'd like to adopt a more androgynous look, and see if acting more androgynous would help me feel like I'm better embracing the entirety of how I feel my gender. Still pretty confused about a lot of things, but I suppose everyone is at some point.

Welcome, Benji! I know a lot of us felt that confusion too--I know that once I found out about non-binary identities, it felt a bit overwhelming, since there were so many "options". I'm sure that with experimentation and time you can figure out exactly what makes you happy. We're here to help!

[Shantel]

Hi Benji,
       Welcome to the real world! 

[Padma]

Welcome Zoe/Benji - I suspect that what we experience as confusion is really just us having a different sense of gender from the monochrome, binary, and static one we're led to expect we should have from day one. I hope you enjoy playing with your gender-sense and trying different stuff on (both literally and metaphorically), it can be a lot of fun .

[Benji]

Ahhh thank you everyone for the greetings. This site has been so welcoming so far. Can't wait to poke my nose into some other threads and start chatting. :333

I suppose confusion is a natural part of any change or push against the social norm. If anything I'd be a bit concerned if I /wasn't/ feeling at least a little confused about it all. I agree that labels don't fix much, but they also make us feel safe and give us... hmm, not a goal but a grounding. That said, I'm perfectly fine with not knowing what I am as long as I find a place that makes me happy, and i'm sure this forum and family will help with that.

[pluggy]

Hey all. I've been poking around the various forums on the web and this one seems the best. I put up a post on the Intro thread but after having a peruse of the forum I think that the Androgyn area is where I'm at at the moment.

I think me joining this forum is an act of taking my gender curiosity seriously. (Excuse the repetition from the intro thread) I'm born male but becoming increasingly dissatisfied with being classed as male/man/straight. I enjoy some of my masculine traits but am starting to enjoy and play with my feminine aspects that I've had since teenhood. I enjoy wearing my wife's clothes and recently her make-up which is great because it's somethng we do together and she's taking my experimenting really well.

For the time being all my gender play is securely within the confines of my house and probably will be for a while. I would like to maybe get some 'feminine' clothes for myself and try different ways of expressing myself, even if it is just at home for the moment. If you're aware of Lafayette from True Blood, that's the kind of image/mode of being I'd like to be at but I'm very conscious of not upsetting my wife by making too great a leap - and maybe even shocking myself for that matter.

I don't know if I have a title I'd consider myself - more like what I don't want to be called. There'a lot of words I've picked up these past couple of days! I'm a philosophy graduate and enjoy reading about these issues (I'm totally enjoying Gender Trouble by Judith Butler at the moment) and the language/discourse surrounding gender is something that I'm very interested in.

Look forward to meeting more of you on the forum!

[ativan]

Hey Pluggy!
Welcome to the forest. Sounds like you're having fun.
Many of us defy labels and don't like the boxes that come with them.
Whether you do or not, it's alright. We share something that is broadly defined as Non-binary.
The title here of Andogyne is more of a tradition.
Look through the topics and their threads. Some good information can be found.
Hang around, ask questions, let us know your opinions, your ideas. New topics are always welcome.
Ativan.

[brainiac]

Welcome, Pluggy! It's cool that you're starting to think about all this stuff, and I hope you can feel at home here.

And for the record, I think Lafayette is gorgeous.

[Jamie D]

Hi there, Pluggy.  Glad you found us.  We Androgyne Forest denizen are elusive 

Yeah, about labels ... who needs 'em?  In any case, you are free to be yourself here.  Welcome.

[D0LL]

I've never heard the term "Androgyne" before, but I also haven't looked much into transgender stuff before (although because I am a genetic female with VERY high Testosterone trying to grow breasts, I have spent a lot of time on MtF Natural Breast Enhancement boards before). All-in-all, I guess "Androgyne" would describe me.

I've always wanted to be male, but have also always been jealous of the perfect female form. Since the later is much easier to attain, I've spent the past year feminizing myself. However, I still hate myself, and can't help but feel like that's because now I'm much easier to identify as female, and it would be harder to pass as male (although I still have a very masculine face; my friend even told me she thought I was a guy before when she was far from sober!)

I...don't know how to handle this body...But I can't help but be endlessly jealous for the genetic males. They get all the good functioning parts, and can grow breasts if they so desire. If I were to try to trans, what would I actually have, in all reality?

For that reason, my favourite type of hentai is futanari. ;P

[Jamie D]

Hi, D0LL.  Nice to meet you.  If you look up the page a bit, you will see some of the rules and regs in another post.

Hey listen, no reason to hate yourself.  There is not anything we can't get a grip on, if we put our minds to it.

We don't really "try" transgender stuff, we realize it in time, and find ways to cope.  I am sort of the flipside to you.  Born male-bodied, socialized male, but early on realized I wasn't all male.  I had strong female tendencies, low-T and high-E, developed persistent pubertal gynecomastia at about 13 or so.

I identify as "bi-gendered," but that's just a label.  I feel very female at times, and male other times.  It's confusing and aggravating.  But, for me, the key to inner peace began with self-acceptance.

I'd like to chat more when you have a chance.

[Shantel]

Hi Doll, welcome to the club! Having read your intro I wonder if perhaps you might be born AIS? If this is too intense to discuss you can PM me about it once you get a few more posts under your belt and can do PM's. I am knowledgable and conversant about the variations of androgyne insensitivity syndrome, a very close friend was born with it.

[dentifrice]

Hello everybody 

Well, I'll try to put my life in a nut shell (or 2) and share it with the community. Having external points of view could be a good thing as most of you seem to have experiences much like mine.
I'm a 25yrs old French guy. I didn't really feel ok with posting on the public place with my "still-improving" English but I've been convinced to do so.

I think that I discovered my dysphoria quite early but I lived without mind too much about it.
I've a deep feeling that I would have preferred being a girl. If I could change for being a cis-woman and avoiding the transitional issues, I'll do it.
BUT, being a guy I'm not poise to start a transition because of societal issues : family, work, medical, financial, ... I'm probably not depressed enough to face all that problems ^^
So, sometime I feel bad with my male body and hairs and everything and I just want to be a girl. Some other time I feel like it's too weird and I don't really need it...
I'm still trying to understand :
- is it just a fantasy ? the dream of being a woman, young, beautiful and rock-star (^^ hooo yeah) BUT in fact I don't really need it and if I actually change I'll be as depressed as being a guy.
- is it the real me ? I should have being born XX but unfortunately the weather was too hot or whatever the reason but I born XY... by mistake. THEN, I NEED TO change as quick as possible to fit my body to my mind !
I still don't really know and it seems fluctuating.

The point is that, I'm with a girl and we love each other, she know all what I've told you and she's very supportive but I would like to give her an answer in order to make her able to picture her life. Am I staying a guy ? Am I being her girlfriend within a year ? I would like to put words on my dysphoria.
The other point is that I'm almost finishing my studies and I'll have to find a (real) job next year... If I want to live as a girl it's probably the right time to know it and going on interview in girl mode or at least looking for a job without public contact in order to make the transition as easy as possible if that occurs later.

I NEED to know who I am, now !!
(( I'm living with myself since I'm born and I still don't know who I'm ? what a bad selfmate I'm... ))

So, I've been boy then girl then boy then I don't care then boy then girl then ... but never sure.
||: I conclude that my biggest problem was that I'm not very "passable" in girl mode, It's ok to stay home but not enough to get out of my closet. So I'm not ok with being a full-time guy, I need to be seen a little as a girl but when I do so I just feel ugly and being a dressed-Ken instead of being a Barbie. So I want to have breasts and cut my things down there and be pretty.Then I remember that It's not so bad being a guy and I fear life-time medication and societal issues and I just realize that I'll NEVER be girly enough and the more the time is running the more I'm becoming boyish and the more I'm not fitting dresses and so I put my dresses in a box and accept my fate of being a guy! Then I see this blue lovely pair of shoes and I remember that I would like to be a girl. I get my dresses out of the box until i realize that my biggest problem was that I'm not very "passable" in girl mode.
And you can go back to the beginning of the paragraph and read it again any time you want. :||
(it's a infinite reading paragraph.... MouhAhAhAhA, you'll never end reading this post!)

Ok you probably escape from reading the previous paragraph now... You're lucky, you've the choice to escape it. I haven't!
This endless through. I think it's what is called dysphoria :/
Until now I was thinking that there is no solution : impossible to be the cow-boy and the princess in the same time.

So I used to crossdress, easy to switch back, just removing the pads but It wasn't enough and after some time I was trying to get ride of my body hairs, it could be ok for men to be hairs-less. I've let my hair grown, it could be ok for men to be long haired. I get rid of my beard. I did my eyebrow. Nothing permanent : "just to try".
Then I just came out to my sister and some friends about having gender dysphoria.
Going all these steps is reversible but I feel better. I don't know if it's because I feel more feminine or just relieved of a life-time lie. But it's seems to be the right way. 

But as far as I'm in this path I still don't know if I want to be a girl facing all the problem linked to the transition or to stay a boy and perhaps regret it later...
And even if I change to full-transitioned will I be happy ?
I'm feeling better but the endless through is still here.

And reading the topic about "Androgynes and HRT" found by chance scrolling google I just figured out that it's what I was more or less trying to do :
Changing step by step from boyish boy to girly boy !

I look back with a word : Not MTF but MTA (ok it's not accurately a "word" but anyway.)
Finally, I still don't know where I want to go... But I understand that I'm already in my way to androgyny, kind of, as I'm trying to get as close as possible to the female side without crossing the irreversible line... and the more I get close the more I figure out that there is no "line". It's a fuzzy border and I'm already in the "nogender's land".
I'm still closer to the boy's side, in the "non permanent" zone. (facial hairs removal, long hair, ...) and I don't know if I want to go further (low doses hrt, family coming out, ...).

Right now :
I'm still disphoric but I'm not sure I'm ready to permanently change but I have a better diagnostic of my "trouble".

So, to conclude being polite : "what the fù#*ing hell with that piece of s*!t in my head, huh ?"[Cartman - southpark], "that is the question!" [Shakespeare]. (2 great philosophers aren't they ?)
That's why I'm here scrolling this forum and reading your posts !

Regards,

[Shantel]

Hi Dentifrice!
                    Your English is fine, better than my French to be sure! You are at the right place as your situation as you describe it resonates well with me. Hopefully you will be able to find some solace as well as answers from others as you read their posts. I would recommend that you find someone in the counseling business as well that is well versed in gender dysphoria and have some one on one conversations and pour out your inner feelings to them. I found this to be very useful in my own experience and was very surprised at how easily the tears flowed once I became comfortable sharing my inner thoughts with my counselor. I liken the process to peeling an onion a layer each visit, but the net result has been a sense of relief and inner calmness and so it was worth the expense. Welcome to Susan's extended family!

[Shantel]

Hi Julie,
      You're not too old to be you dear, I'm ten years your senior so you're not alone here kid. Welcome to the family!

[Shantel]

Thanks Shan, You're quickly becoming one of my favorite peeps here.

Thanks Julie, BTW were you in the navy at one time? I'm responding to your sayings about the mast and poop deck of course.

[Shantel]

@ Shan, I was never in the service.  My Dad was in the Navy during WW 2, but I don't recall him using nautical terms a great deal.  Likely I picked them up from watching movies and reading stories.  Were you in the Navy?

No, did a couple of tours in the paratroops during Vietnam. If they could only see me now! 

[Devlyn]

LOL

My talk of masts and decks is pirate talk.  Notice the avatar is of a creole pirate girl.  I play a game that is fashioned after the days of pirates, we sometimes get rolling pretty good on pirate-like chat