Non-Binary Introductions

[Jamie D]

Hi, am new. I have been reading so hard in this Androgyne section that I am afraid my computer chair has permanently fused to my rear. I'm glad to be here.

Still struggling with language. As best I understand, please correct me and I am so sorry if I offend anyone with how I get things wrong: androgyne fits me because I have strongly marked gender characteristics of both "men" and "women." FAAB. My mother didn't take DES, she once told me a little too triumphantly apropos of not much, but I suspect she said it because she did take another one of the medications in play in the late 60s/early 70s. I'm trying to find out while I still can, but she is twitchy as hell about the subject. Maybe high-T female is the best medical description I will ever find.

I have a lifelong stable gender identity, as much as you can have when you don't know what to call it-- I don't swing from feeling male to female to male over time so as I understand it, I am not bigender. Female-only social and work environments don't work, I trainwreck if I don't take a vow of silence. I'm better off functioning even in an otherwise all-male setting, because I can grasp the social logics and participate meaningfully in the group.

SNIP

Hey Reedling, Shan has been doing all the heavy lifting here, but I thought I might toss in my 2-cents worth.

Those with intersex conditions (be they genetic, developmental, or environment) certainly can, and often do identify as "non-binary." 

Let me drop in a definition from the Queer Dictionary

Queers love umbrella terms, because they are flexible and can overlap. Non-binary is another umbrella term and is considered to be under the transgender umbrella. When discussing trans* issues and you want to be clear that you're including non-binary folk, it's typed out as "trans*" (note the asterisk).

"Binary" refers to the western binary gender system of man/woman. People who are non-binary identify, at some point in time, as neither a man nor a woman. It's possible to identify as a woman, for example, and as genderqueer at the same time. It's possible to identify as a woman sometimes and as androgyne other times. Identifying as both binary genders is generally referred to as bigender or genderfluid, depending on that individual's identity. These are both considered non-binary identities.

Some other non-binary identities are genderqueer, genderfluid, bigender, neutrois, androgyne, two-spirit (this is an identity reserved for the indigenous and goes beyond the western understanding of sex and gender, so it's best to ask before making assumptions, as always), etc.

Usage

Non-binary is an adjective but is unlike other identity-related terms in that it's not ever really used an a noun.

Examples:

    "I'm not sure if there is a term for my gender, but I know it's non-binary."
    "This is a space for non-binary folks only, please."

"Androgyne" is another term that has multiple meanings and usages.  If you look at the roots, "andro" (male) plus "gyn" (female), you get the idea that you have a blending or ambiguity of sexes or genders.  I believe the term was originally used in the medical sense as a synonym for "hermaphrodite."

[ritual-object]

Hello everyone! I am brand new to posting here, but I have been reading the forums avidly for some time.

I'm 23. During my life I've lived as a boy and as a girl (man and woman don't seem right since I'm so young), but both eventually felt uncomfortable. These days I present as androgynously as possible. I'm pretty cagey about my assigned gender because I feel like people put a lot of meaning on it that isn't there. (I may not be able to control people's reactions, but I can control the information they get!)

You could say I'm in the middle of transition or maybe at the end of it. I took hormones for several years, then stopped. I may take them again. I have one surgery under my belt and one more to go (this August!) before I feel like I'll be done with them. I've considered others but may never get them. After this next one, I want to work on finding nonsurgical ways to alter my body and come to terms with it. In most ways I like where my body is at now except that I am trying to lose some weight and gain some muscle through kind of a lifestyle change, but that's a whole nother topic!

I have a hard time trying to live in a gender space that doesn't exist in my society. But I think it was harder to try and live as someone I wasn't. I think my biggest problem is feeling very lonely, which I guess is why I finally joined these forums!

Anyway, other than all that, I love to cook, draw, and study religions. I watch a LOT of horror movies. I also volunteer a lot at my local LGBT resource center. (This is one of the main things in my life that helps me feel less lonely!) I also like to sew sometimes and make my own clothes when I can.

I'm very shy but I look forward to chatting with y'all in the future.

[Shantel]

Hello everyone! I am brand new to posting here, but I have been reading the forums avidly for some time.

I'm 23. During my life I've lived as a boy and as a girl (man and woman don't seem right since I'm so young), but both eventually felt uncomfortable. These days I present as androgynously as possible. I'm pretty cagey about my assigned gender because I feel like people put a lot of meaning on it that isn't there. (I may not be able to control people's reactions, but I can control the information they get!)


I'm very shy but I look forward to chatting with y'all in the future.

Welcome "Ritual" you'll notice I highlighted your comment, you get a resounding yes on that one hon, good plan!

[Adreni]

Hey there. My chosen name is Tal (or Tala depending on the day I suppose). I'm born male, psychologically androgynous with some variance, usually male lean, especially in behavior. I'm looking into getting estrogen supplements, but I'm not sure about them if they'll affect my reproduction or sexuality.

My dissonance helps define me, as it highlights who I am versus what I am, but it is certainly not central to me.

First and foremost, I am a Transhumanist and Egoist: I seek melody between man, nature and machine and the enhancement of humankind and the individual self through technology in and around us. I believe that the Ego - the self - is the most important part of a person's existence, as one cannot help or benefit others without the self.

I am looking forward to my coming journey to Redmond, Washington State to attend college at Digipen Institute of Technology. My mate and I are in an open, long-distance relationship.

[Shantel]

Hey there. My chosen name is Tal (or Tala depending on the day I suppose). I'm born male, psychologically androgynous with some variance, usually male lean, especially in behavior.

The hardest part of my dissonance is by far my voice.

Welcome Adreni aka Tal (Tala), you've landed in the right place! Tell us more about yourself and about your voice that seems to bother you so.

[Jamie D]

Hello everyone! I am brand new to posting here, but I have been reading the forums avidly for some time.

I'm 23. During my life I've lived as a boy and as a girl (man and woman don't seem right since I'm so young), but both eventually felt uncomfortable. These days I present as androgynously as possible. I'm pretty cagey about my assigned gender because I feel like people put a lot of meaning on it that isn't there. (I may not be able to control people's reactions, but I can control the information they get!)

You could say I'm in the middle of transition or maybe at the end of it. I took hormones for several years, then stopped. I may take them again. I have one surgery under my belt and one more to go (this August!) before I feel like I'll be done with them. I've considered others but may never get them. After this next one, I want to work on finding nonsurgical ways to alter my body and come to terms with it. In most ways I like where my body is at now except that I am trying to lose some weight and gain some muscle through kind of a lifestyle change, but that's a whole nother topic!

I have a hard time trying to live in a gender space that doesn't exist in my society. But I think it was harder to try and live as someone I wasn't. I think my biggest problem is feeling very lonely, which I guess is why I finally joined these forums!

Anyway, other than all that, I love to cook, draw, and study religions. I watch a LOT of horror movies. I also volunteer a lot at my local LGBT resource center. (This is one of the main things in my life that helps me feel less lonely!) I also like to sew sometimes and make my own clothes when I can.

I'm very shy but I look forward to chatting with y'all in the future.

Welcome, ritual-object!  I too love to cook (much to my waist's discomfort) and like horror movies ... especially the cult classics.

[Jamie D]

Hey there. My chosen name is Tal (or Tala depending on the day I suppose). I'm born male, psychologically androgynous with some variance, usually male lean, especially in behavior.

The hardest part of my dissonance is by far my voice.

Tal/Tala - I go by "Jamie" (a nickname I had as a child).  Like me, it goes both ways.  My "girl inside" struggles to overcome all that male conditioning.

[Adreni]

Tal/Tala - I go by "Jamie" (a nickname I had as a child).  Like me, it goes both ways.  My "girl inside" struggles to overcome all that male conditioning.

Come to think of it, I guess I prefer Tala. I just go with Tal the same way I tell people my legal name... because it's normal.

It wasn't too different for me at first. I kind of personified my feminine side at first, and then that fled when I accepted it as a contiguous part of me. Eventually my gender identity shattered and reformed.

[Adreni]

Welcome Adreni aka Tal (Tala), you've landed in the right place! Tell us more about yourself and about your voice that seems to bother you so.

Thank you~

Well, I kind of edited my original post... has more explanations as to who I am inside. But I accidentally edited out the part about my voice.

Well... my voice is masculine... painfully so... and stack that with my facial hair, you have a nice bit of depression. Thankfully one of my best friends got me some Maybelline lip gloss a few weeks ago. "Luxurious Lilac," a beautiful shade of violet with just the right amount of frill: Enough to make me feel a bit feminine, but not enough to create cognitive dissonance.

[ativan]

Eventually my gender identity shattered and reformed.

Nicely put.

[SciNerdGirl]

Hi Everybody,

I like to go by Janet when I'm in "girl mode" (which is not very often).  I have had questions about my gender since as long as I can remember.  There are times when I strongly associate with my masculine side, but I feel that I like myself better as female.  Unfortunately my life situation limits how much of my feminine side I'm able to express publicly.  For the longest time I have hated my gender confusion, but recently I have learned to accept it at least in private. 

While I would love to transition to something more feminine than I am now (maybe not fully female) through something like HRT or FFS (although not SRS), it is of course impossible to do while I'm still "in the closet" (I'm assuming there is no therapist in the world who would approve anything like HRT as long as I'm keeping my femininity under wraps).  Unfortunately my life circumstances will probably keep me there for ever.  The risks of "coming out" are just to great, there are far to many other people (family etc.) who depend on me (financially etc.) to risk rocking the boat.

Life is so confusing.

[Jamie D]

Actually, you don't really need a therapist's "permission."  Though I think talking about things with a professional is often helpful, there are plenty of "informed consent" opportunities out there.

I believe we know ourselves better than any therapist, even one with a great deal of experience.

[EdekStaszek]

I was lost and a witch made me come here, i'm trapped here.
please help me.

Ahem.

Hello, I am ZaidaZadkiel although lately I'm considering changing the name to a more natural sounding female name, for legal purposes.
I am currently 27 years old, and live somewhere in hell, Mexico.

I like doing watercolors and carvings in avocado seed and doing macrame bracelets and necklaces, for fun and profit.

As far as interesting things goes, that would be the most of it. Other than that, some of my beliefs are that i dont like god, there is no such thing as truth, I can figure everything on my own, asking for help is asking for troube and dogs are very good pets.

I used to like dinosaurs but not anymore since I found they were naked all the time. Not very refined. And they didn't wear top hats either, so I can't like dinosaurs anymore.

I am not random so much as try to spark an interesting reaction from people. I'm like that IRL too, and so far I haven't been punched in the face. Well I Have but that was not for trolling, but we were kinda drunk.

I am a little bundle of issues of which nobody could ever care or bother to help with, and even if somebody did, I fear I would suck this person into a little black hole of despair and mysery. I have learned things about life that I would rather not have learned. But hey, you've gotta make do with what you have, rite ?

I loooove complaining.
Specially I love complaining about the things I am doing.
What I don't like complaining about, is about things that can't be done anything. Because then it's just sad and frustrating.
But the things I can and am doing stuff about, it's fun and I feel that by complaining somebody could learn what I'm doing.
Though, still, theres not many people who would actually care.
And those who do, at least the ones I know they care, are more interested in seeing me naked than in having me do business and take over the world...

I sometimes think I'm not taken seriously online, but IRL im actually a very serious person.
I have a very stern face, like, I could tell you that the sky is red and many people would believe just because i look so sure of it.

...

And I love talking about myself, I could do it days in and days out!
Too bad most of what I say is just pure fabricated lies.

Okay, just wanted to talk about this, because we have a few things in common.
Okay, first, you've gotten punched in the face!? Ow! So have I, unfortunately . I got the police officer at the school to get onto him, and apparently, he pushes his (considerable) weight around. A lot.
Just wanted to point something out, you don't like dinosaurs because they are naked all the time? & Because they don't wear Top hats? and yet you like dogs, who don't do either of those. Tsk Tsk Tsk.
Last thing: I like complaining & talking (typing / writing mostly)
The end.
-[Insert name here]

[Cas]

Hey I'm Cas
27. British. and I'm FAAB fluid (more masculine at the moment though).

...and still struggling to figure out how to express that in my life/inform my loved ones etc. But on the personal side, I don't think I've ever felt happier or more accepting of myself, so that's good. =) Just a little body dysphoria now and then when I really want to be presenting male.

[Shantel]

Hey I'm Cas
27. British. and I'm FAAB fluid (more masculine at the moment though).

...and still struggling to figure out how to express that in my life/inform my loved ones etc. But on the personal side, I don't think I've ever felt happier or more accepting of myself, so that's good. =) Just a little body dysphoria now and then when I really want to be presenting male.

Hey Cas welcome, you've landed in precisely the right place, consider yourself a member of a great family! Hoping to get to know you better as time goes on.

[Cas]

Hey Cas welcome, you've landed in precisely the right place, consider yourself a member of a great family! Hoping to get to know you better as time goes on.

Thank you! Happy to be here. =)

[jacqueline]

Hi everyone,

I'm Jacqueline/Jake.  95% of the time the world sees me as 'Jake' but there are times when I get to be Jacqueline. (Thank god for cross-dressing!)

A little about me and why I'm here: I've felt throughout much of my life that I would have been much happier if I had been born a girl and mostly kept these feelings to myself until 4-5 years ago.  Since then I've divorced and gone through a few relationships, but happily I've slowly been pushing the envelope as to how I present to the world.  Most days now I do wear women's clothing, although they are more gender neutral than dresses (jeans, t-shirts, cowl necks, cardigans, etc.).  Thankfully I get little attention for doing this, even living in the Midwest!  Anyway, I thought I'd join and see if I could find some like-minded souls to talk about these things with as I've been reading the forums on and off for those 4-5 years and see plenty of good people here.  Anyway, I look forward to meeting and getting to know all of you.

[suzifrommd]

Hi Jacqueline/Jake.

I was exactly where you were about a year ago. What you wrote could precisely apply to me. I found these boards amazingly helpful, and the people here have been very accepting and insightful.

I ended up tossing aside the male part and I'm now living full-time as a female, but of course you will need to find your own path. Susan's is an excellent place for discovering who you are and what you need.

Welcome.

[Shantel]

Hi everyone,

I'm Jacqueline/Jake.  95% of the time the world sees me as 'Jake' but there are times when I get to be Jacqueline. (Thank god for cross-dressing!)

A little about me and why I'm here: I've felt throughout much of my life that I would have been much happier if I had been born a girl and mostly kept these feelings to myself until 4-5 years ago.  Since then I've divorced and gone through a few relationships, but happily I've slowly been pushing the envelope as to how I present to the world.  Most days now I do wear women's clothing, although they are more gender neutral than dresses (jeans, t-shirts, cowl necks, cardigans, etc.).  Thankfully I get little attention for doing this, even living in the Midwest!  Anyway, I thought I'd join and see if I could find some like-minded souls to talk about these things with as I've been reading the forums on and off for those 4-5 years and see plenty of good people here.  Anyway, I look forward to meeting and getting to know all of you.

Welcome Jacqueline!
                   You'll fit right in here, you and I are on the same page as far as dress mode goes.

[jacqueline]

Thanks to both of you, Suzi and Shantel.  It's nice to know people are where I'm at now and are also father down the road.  Thank you both for your kind words, I look forward to seeing more of both of you here in the future.

Jacqueline