Non-Binary Introductions

[suzifrommd]

Welcome Sue. I think you'll find a lot of people here with similar experiences.

[Funshine Bear]

Hello,

I'm agender, DFAB.
I would like to have a male chest and started wearing a binder a few weeks ago.
Until now i wore loose clothes. But i'm changing that.
I'd like to be able to pass as male by changing my clothes and hair.
But i don't want to be on T (for now at least)

I accidentally came out at theatersport last week,
I wrote more about that here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,206580.msg1833066.html#msg1833066
Now i probably have to explain it to my improvisation theater group.
any tips on explaining are more than welcome.

- Funshine -

[DogSpirit]

Welcome, Funshine.

I hope that your theater group is understanding and embracing.

-- Sue

[Tessa James]

I have been traveling for a bit and very happy to see new posts on our Non Binary Intro thread.  WELCOME !

Funshine Bear, I imagine an improv group would be a creative and out of the box bunch of people and would likely be cool with you.  I agree with you completely that labels are not as important as being your authentic self.  Our transition is always custom made

[Funshine Bear]

Thank you both

I e-mailed the teacher first, asking if i could explain.
He wanted to talk first.
He did most of the talking,.
He assumed my gender is male, and i didn't correct him because that's fine.
I like being seen as male even though i'm agender.
I liked not having to say much.

He was fine with it and is glad that he knows.
He said that i don't have to tell my teammates because i don't owe an explanation to anyone.
He thought my teammates would be more careful with me, (trying not to emotional hurt me) while playing.
So i ended up not telling my teammates.
I want them to play with me as free as they can.

I think 2 of them know anyway but they didn't ask about it.
I'm gonna wear my binder and a t-shirt next week.
So that might be another clue to them.
I don't think the others will notice, because they won't see what they don't expect.

-Funshine Bear-

[arice]

I define myself as a guy who happens to be female. Another term I like us "masculine of centre". I have always been that way and I generally don't hide it... I'm too lazy to pretend to be something I'm not...
But I also rarely admit the extent of my gender dysphoria. If I had a way to transition to a more androgynous body, I would do it. Unfortunately, due to a previous health problem, hormone therapy of any kind is very risky and so are "unnecessary" surgeries. So I am stuck with my body.
My husband (we've been together 17 years) knows that I am basically a guy (since I've never hid it) but he is uncomfortable when I talk about wishing I could transition. He has always said that being with me was the best of both worlds so I understand his reaction.
I used to work in a male dominated field (forestry) and I was always seen as one of the guys regardless of my body. That made me happy and I was content with that life.
I have now been a stay home parent for 6 years and that is a very female-centered world... I find that I resent being seen as a woman and feel a lot of social dysphoria.
I started lurking on this site a few months ago when my dysphoria had reached a critical point... and I love this site. I love knowing that I'm not alone and that there are other people who feel the same way I do.


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[Tessa James]

I define myself as a guy who happens to be female. Another term I like us "masculine of centre". I have always been that way and I generally don't hide it... I'm too lazy to pretend to be something I'm not...
But I also rarely admit the extent of my gender dysphoria. If I had a way to transition to a more androgynous body, I would do it. Unfortunately, due to a previous health problem, hormone therapy of any kind is very risky and so are "unnecessary" surgeries. So I am stuck with my body.
My husband (we've been together 17 years) knows that I am basically a guy (since I've never hid it) but he is uncomfortable when I talk about wishing I could transition. He has always said that being with me was the best of both worlds so I understand his reaction.
I used to work in a male dominated field (forestry) and I was always seen as one of the guys regardless of my body. That made me happy and I was content with that life.
I have now been a stay home parent for 6 years and that is a very female-centered world... I find that I resent being seen as a woman and feel a lot of social dysphoria.
I started lurking on this site a few months ago when my dysphoria had reached a critical point... and I love this site. I love knowing that I'm not alone and that there are other people who feel the same way I do.


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I live in Oregon where logging was King forever.  I have two female friends that are forestry grads and find it challenging to be working with the guys.  I can just imagine it working well for you.  Congratulations for keeping your marriage intact.  My wife has asked me to look at my transition in the reverse and being Bi really makes that much easier for me   Yes, we are not alone...

[DogSpirit]

Funshine Bear: Glad it worked out so well for you! I hope things are getting more comfortable for you now.

Arice: "a guy who happens to be female": I like that; that's a good way to put it. This is a great group of people, as you know. I understand about your husband's reaction: I'm a female-bodied being married to another woman, and she's not wild about male packages, so my packer isn't her favorite toy 

-- Sue

[Funshine Bear]

 

[Rin-likes-rain]

Not sure if I replied to this already. I don't think so. Anyway, I'm Alex. I'm 18 and I recently discovered being androgyne. For a long time I thought I was a transgender guy, but it didn't fit anymore after a while. I tagged gender qu**r at the end of it and it fit a little bit better, but often times, I forgot I even had a gender, so feeling like being a trans guy I had to dress masculine, act masculine, all the time felt restricting. Sure, those are things I did anyway, but I hated the idea that being male meant I couldn't be feminine. But I watched a video about Rain Dove and some videos explaining androgyny and I feel so much more comfortable. It's been great. But I still have my first binder on the way. (still in the closet).

[devourgalaxies]

Oh, people haven't replied to this thread in over a month, I hope it's not dead.....

Regardless, I'm Rinn! I'm 22 and androgyne, soon moving to the Chicagoland area to pursue my career in theatre as a stage manager. I often switch my expression between femme and masc, depending on the situation and what makes me feel most attractive on any given day. I go by they/them pronouns. I'm closeted to my family (they didn't take the bi thing well, can't imagine how they'd do with the trans bit) but out to my friends. I can fix most of my dysphoria by getting my correct name, wearing a binder on most days, and the occasional small packer, but my voice is a huge problem for me. That and the fact that my face is pretty feminine are why I'm going to try and start low-dose T this summer.

I haven't found such a huge community of people who actually identify as androgyne anywhere else, and seeing that a lot of you do makes me so excited! I've felt an isolation from the rest of the non-binary community because I couldn't find anyone else who really felt gender the same way as I do, and I'm so happy to find this thread. <3

[suzifrommd]

Oh, people haven't replied to this thread in over a month, I hope it's not dead.....

Regardless, I'm Rinn! I'm 22 and androgyne, soon moving to the Chicagoland area to pursue my career in theatre as a stage manager. I often switch my expression between femme and masc, depending on the situation and what makes me feel most attractive on any given day. I go by they/them pronouns. I'm closeted to my family (they didn't take the bi thing well, can't imagine how they'd do with the trans bit) but out to my friends. I can fix most of my dysphoria by getting my correct name, wearing a binder on most days, and the occasional small packer, but my voice is a huge problem for me. That and the fact that my face is pretty feminine are why I'm going to try and start low-dose T this summer.

I haven't found such a huge community of people who actually identify as androgyne anywhere else, and seeing that a lot of you do makes me so excited! I've felt an isolation from the rest of the non-binary community because I couldn't find anyone else who really felt gender the same way as I do, and I'm so happy to find this thread. <3

Welcome Rinn. I see you've explored our little forest a bit already. I look forward to getting to know you.

[Tasha_]

Hi Rinn, I am Taj/Tasha....

I am not sure exactly how close I am to feeling androgyn to you, but I am watching this thread because I am, although I identify as mtf..... I am Tasha when I wear forms... and Taj when I don't.... my pronouns switch according to that at this point. I am masculine when it comes to work, and feminine all other times (other than the rare occasion). Only my very immediate (wife and kids... a FEW family members) know. I go out, and even to stores in a small town now, and even though Taj is known, Tasha is still not.... weird situation.... and wow I never thought I would end up here... anyways, not totally dead, and it's good to hear from you!!! I'm here to talk if you want to!!

Nice to meet you,
Tasha

[Sparky]

Hi, I've been floundering around the last few years working out how to express the strong (~equal, maybe dominant) feminine side of me without screwing my life over completely, and ending up in another gender I don't really identify with. It's so great to discover a whole non-binary community! I've never really meshed with boys, or girls, never had a team. I want to wear clothes from either gender, makeup, let my mannerisms flourish. Baby steps at the moment, my dress and look and behaviour is increasingly andro. Getting away with it so far Looking forward to chatting on here x 

[Tessa James]

Hi, I've been floundering around the last few years working out how to express the strong (~equal, maybe dominant) feminine side of me without screwing my life over completely, and ending up in another gender I don't really identify with. It's so great to discover a whole non-binary community! I've never really meshed with boys, or girls, never had a team. I want to wear clothes from either gender, makeup, let my mannerisms flourish. Baby steps at the moment, my dress and look and behaviour is increasingly andro. Getting away with it so far Looking forward to chatting on here x

Thank you for being aware and knowing there are more than two genders!  Why not be uniquely ourselves?  Fitting in, blending, being one of the masses.  Tried that, not me, and very happy to be going a different route now.  We really cannot know until we are there but it hardly seems to be black or white.  I bet you will/are finding liberation far more than screwing over your life   Welcome to the Place!

[AxelM07]

Hi hi~ I'm Axel/Accel, and I'm a little new to the NB community. I used to identify as trans-male, but after much confusion, I've come to realize that I am, in fact, bigender. Sometimes, it's still a little hard to get through the day, knowing what I am and that what I am isn't widely accepted in my small, southern town. At the end of the day, though, I know that I'm being true to myself, and that's all that matters.

I'm looking forward to being an active member of this community, and I'm always here if anyone needs someone to talk to!

[Tessa James]

Hey AxelM07,

Welcome to this shared place.  So important that you are working this out with a priority to be true to yourself.  That is an admirable and sometimes challenging part of having integrity.  Good for you!  Thank you for joining the conversation.

[AgentSmash]

Hey. I'm Amanda, I'm 26, I'm not really sure how to identify ... I started transitioning from f2m when I was 20/21, found presenting as a man didn't define me any better than presenting as a woman. Ever since I've kind of floated around, not really sure what my gender identity is. I'm read as female, people apply she/her pronouns and it doesn't bother me but they're just words to me ... sometimes it feels a little weird that they're referring to me when they say "she" or "her" you know? In terms of expression, I express myself on a wide range from a heavy use of cosmetics and skirts and dresses to masculine-cut suits and casual men's clothes. My natural behavior and instincts sort of blend what most cishet people consider "masculine" and "feminine". Like, I look up to, compete with and emulate other men, I tend to have a more "fatherly" or protective instinct, but I'm comfortable with my genetically female body, and I don't mind being read as female. There's more to it than that, obviously... I think I'm basically someone who naturally breaks down the binary social construct of gender that people have created. I don't make a conscious effort to do it, I just exist the way that I am you know? Like there's a spectrum of gender and I'm sliding along somewhere in the middle.

I guess "genderqueer" is the best word I could use to describe myself but I know it's considered offensive to a lot of people so I don't really bother with finding a word to describe myself ... I'm just me I guess.

[arice]

There was a meme going around in biology circles a while back. It was a flow chart that purported to show what organisms you should study based on your personality. Tucked at the bottom was a line "I don't have to follow your rules" --> fungi.
I am a mycologist (study fungi) and I don't like following other people's rules... it is also my approach to gender. I don't feel completely comfortable picking either binary and I gate gender stereotyping... but I also don't feel comfortable with the "established" non-binaries either.

So I am calling my gender "I don't have to follow your rules"

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[Tessa James]

It feels rather refreshing and validating to read posts like those above.  Welcome AgentSmash and arice it's good to know a bit more about how fungi and rules apply

There is so much more to gender identity than our current vocabulary and social understanding seem to reveal.  I wandered around the queer world a long time and found little that suggested to me that I was like other transgender people I met.  I knew it wasn't just about clothes, expression, body parts or what is stereotypically labeled feminine or masculine.  The deeper understanding I searched for inhibited my transition and self acceptance as i did not seem to fit any usual trans narrative....till now.

We may not be a big club but I am extremely grateful to the people who continue to pursue their very personal identity and expression.  Rather than being told we are "not doing it right" there seems a multitude of ways to be a singular and authentic standout as ourselves.  Thanks for telling your truth.