Non-Binary Introductions

[Phoeniks]

Hi you all

I'm 23 and gender-confused. I'm also quite new with these things, I only started questioning my gender identity for real during the last year. I look female, though I have some masculine features like broad shoulders and quite sharp and strong face features. I'd like to look more androgynous, but I'm not sure what I want to do about it yet. I identify as a fluid mixture between a masculine female and a feminine male.

People irl call me phoenix a lot - I have this long and fiery orange, curly hair and maybe I look somewhat birdy. Dunno Apart from gender thingies I spend my life doing all things nerdy. I write and read lots of fantasy and scifi and play different kinds of RPGs - live, computer etc. I love drawing and singing, too.

This looks like a good place, I'm happy I found my way here

[GreenTea]

I'm 22, gender-fluid/androgynous/whatever. Born female, tried transitioning to male for a while and now I've just settled with making my family happy and living life as gender-neutral as I can. People mix me up on the street a lot, I'll get called sir or bro now and then but usually people just see me as a big lesbian lol. I have no issues with either, really. I'm not finicky about pronouns.

I like getting outside, hiking, biking, working out, reading, writing, reading (lately I'v been reading a lot of scifi and fantasy)

[Jamie D]

Hi Phoeniks and Green Tea

Sorry I haven't been on top of this thread.

Just some housekeeping for new members

Please be sure to review

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

Phoeniks - Every single person on this website started with a question - "If wonder if I ..."?
Questioning is the first step to understanding.

Green Tea - Sometimes it is difficult to resolve the dilemma of "competing interests."  Family, job, significant others, self.

Keep up that healthy lifestyle!

[Winter(howl)]

Since I am SUPER brilliant and already posted an introduction in the general area of the forums, I was conflicted on what to post here when I realized I could link it!   

Yes, it's true, I AM amazing!   

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,124726.0.html

So, anyway, brand new to all of this though I've really been this way forever.  I really, really liked I think it was Erik's? use of the word ambigendered.    I REALLY like that.  It makes a lot of sense to me.

In any case, I won't bore you with other details but will instead leave that for later!  Please feel welcome to read the intro I already linked to above.

Thanks.    Very glad to be here.

[Winter(howl)]

Hi Ariel!

I really identify with so much of what you posted, I hope we're able to chat more at some point.  I am really recently exploring myself more recently instead of simply being content with the status-quo.  Well, let me say I've never felt content but I've never really researched much or given myself enough credit to actually find out more about myself, who I am, seek out others who felt the same/shared the same conflicts.

I am very excited to be here and look forward to communication with all of you! 

*Anyone else pause at some of the verifications and have to think a minute?    LOL, it's making me feel like a moron!  To my credit, it's about 5am here.*

[Winter(howl)]

I don't know if anyone else did or is doing this, but I wanted to invite you to view my responses if you have anything to share:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,121205.new.html#new

I hope this isn't too forward or...I dunno, whatever?   

I want to get to know more of you guys but I'll admit I'm a little shy about reaching out to specific people I've found interesting.  I am NOT like this in person honestly but this is very new territory for me.

Thanks. 

[suzifrommd]

Welcome Jules. I hope our forum helps you find your answers.

As you can see, I definitely don't have a traditional "trans* narrative"

Actually, you'll read a lot of similar stories here.

is 25-26 too "late" to discover my transness?

Hope not. Didn't dawn on me until my 50's!

[ativan]

Sounds like your on the right track for yourself.
It does take time to absorb it all, to be able to make it comprehensible for yourself.
Don't worry about labels and definitions, they tend to overlap quite a bit.
It can be worth the time and effort to use the search function, to find threads of interest.
While it is fun to explore different aspects of non-binary, be careful that you don't become what you read.
Everyone is different, just as you might suspect. Be true to yourself.
Welcome to the Forest, it's a great place to hang around.
Maybe even build yourself a tree fort (or more), to write your post's from...

Ativan

[Jamie D]

I was reading through this topic just now, and though I have many times posted in it, I have never said much about me.

I'm complex.  I'm complicated.  We all are.  It is not easy being us.

Some of us have a rock-solid certainty of who we are, and where they are headed.  Others of us just stumble through life, day by day, hoping to keep one foot in front of the other.  I think I am in the latter group.  From time to time I get thrown off balance.

Right now, I'm trying to regain my equilibrium.  Bear with me.  I find reading in a quiet nook calms my troubled soul.  One of my favorite passages  comes from a poem entitled "Desiderata":

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

I try to keep the peace.

[Joann]

Just joined, this site is very inspirational. Without going into detail all the evidence suggests that I am psychologically androgynous or an androgyne, a term I learned from this site which I like a lot, and there is a link between this and over a decade of depression and I need to accept this. I am doing a few simple things to look not quite as masculine so I will feel comfortable with my appearance matching the way I feel and act again, really nothing drastic, and getting over terrible fears such as embarrassment that people will notice displays of femininity at times. While a heterosexual male, there are countless clues that I am psychologically an androgyne, and I actually don't have a choice about this if I want to be happy.
I enjoy reading peoples' posts on here, it is very encouraging.

Welcome torn,
I identify as androgen too. I feel androgyny (for me ) is the blending of masculine and feminin traits to be a better, happier person. I can turn off the  gay, man, gender filters and live according to my feelings.
If i like makeup, ill use it. Woman's close fit me better so i will ware them. i feel cleaner when i shave my body so i will. But i do these things not so much to impress others but for me. That's what feels good about androgyny (for me).

[suzifrommd]

Still finding myself after about a year and a bit into my RLE am finding that the FtM route isn't totally for me.

Certainly a lot of other people looking for the route that is right for them. Other people completing their transition, but deciding the type of man/woman that they have become has strong elements of the other gender (that's OK too).

Welcome Spike. We don't take points off for spelling 

[Shantel]

Spike/23/Biologicly Female and looking to change some of that part of me.

Still finding myself after about a year and a bit into my RLE am finding that the FtM route isn't totally for me.

So I found myself here I am Still learning all the terms and phraseas for who I am and how I feel

Also rather dyslexic so please bear with my spellings   

Yeah Hi ")

Welcome to our world, a spite on the binary world view that dictates that we identify internally and externally as either male or female for the sake of fitting into their perception of what makes up an acceptable comfort zone.

[stb820]

I'm DFaB, still comfortable with female pronouns for now, trans*, androgyn, non-binary, pansexual, WTF person. I'm 33 and have failed dramatically at being a girl all my life lol. Never really wanted to be a boy though until some fleeting thoughts in my late teens. I've gradually become more androgynous over the years even without realizing it. I want to be more masculine so I am pursing HRT. Part of me wonders and daydreams about committing to being FtM completely but for now I'm comfortable embracing the middle. I'm both terrified and ecstatic about changing my life and my body to be more ME. 

[suzifrommd]

I'm DFaB, still comfortable with female pronouns for now, trans*, androgyn, non-binary, pansexual, WTF person. I'm 33 and have failed dramatically at being a girl all my life lol. Never really wanted to be a boy though until some fleeting thoughts in my late teens. I've gradually become more androgynous over the years even without realizing it. I want to be more masculine so I am pursing HRT. Part of me wonders and daydreams about committing to being FtM completely but for now I'm comfortable embracing the middle. I'm both terrified and ecstatic about changing my life and my body to be more ME. 

Welcome STB to the Androgyne forest.

Being here sure has helped me get much closer to my daydreams than I ever imagined. I hope it works for you to. There's nothing like finally being you.

[ativan]

Welcome to the Unicorn Forest. 

Ativan

[Shantel]

but for now I'm comfortable embracing the middle. I'm both terrified and ecstatic about changing my life and my body to be more ME. 

Welcome, you've come to the right place then, middle is more comfortable for many. You're free to flow back and forth where your own whims carry you from day to day.

[Jamie D]

Hi, welcome. I am still fairly new here myself but I can say everyone's been warm and welcoming to me so I'm sure you'll receive the same treatment ")

I hope you stick around, Spike, I'd like to get to know you.

[Shantel]

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

I like that, it is as I am always!

[Chrys Alys]

Hello All

I am Chrys Alys. I chose this username because I feel like I am at a changing point in my life; thus chrysalis. I am married to a wonderful man, Curl, and have 3 wonderful dogs, Kisses, Cuddles, and the eldest, Harry! If you wish to please ask me about them! I have had a lot of difficulties during my life thus far. For starters, when I was young I was criticized constantly by my mother on things like breast size, dressing feminine or masculine, playing with boy toys, cutting my barbies, and not being naked in front of her. She would say things like, "Little bitty titty committee", and "It's okay, I gave birth to you so I've seen it all before."

Then, when I was 13, I had horrible headaches, which the doctors found to be caused by a tumor growing on my pituitary gland. I don't know if many of you know, but that is what controls most of the hormones in the human body. The tumor was cancerous and was growing rapidly when removed just a few days after the doctors found it. I was treated with a dose of chemo after it was removed and watched carefully for several months afterward. Thankfully it has not returned and I have not had much problems with that area inside my skull.

However, there were many aftereffects. Because the tumor had completely surrounded my pituitary gland, they had to remove it as well. My hormones then drastically left my system at an exponential rate. I felt drained and had many hallucinations and dreams. I do not think that my mind has ever been the same since the surgery. I had no hormones in my system, so I believe this is when my body and my mind first began to separate.

I did not completely hit puberty until I was 21. Then I was still way underdeveloped. I am now 28 and I feel lost. I have always wanted to give birth to a child or more, and I have found out that that my not ever happen. It pains me to my core, and even now while I am typing feel empty and cry. For this, and many other reasons, I am on anti-depressants.

I also feel like I am missing another part to me; my penis. I have a rather large vaginal mound(?) and feel that my penis should be there. Sometimes I subconsciously reach down to grab it, and realize seconds later that it is not there. I would like to find options on getting a surgically attached penis and HRT.

Lastly, because I am currently fighting SS for Disability, I have no income and no insurance, so I am having trouble finding a therapist. I have tried to talk to my current doctor about all of this but she doesn't seem to want to listen. I think it may be differences in faith, but any cause could be the answer. In any occasion, I am stuck to writing on forums such as this one for my release of tension and comfort. I hope all of you finding your way through this world, stuck in the body you are given through birth, find the best this place has to offer! Blessed Be!

Chrys

[Shantel]

Hi Chrys,
        The physical and mental conditions that you describe sound so much like a former friend who was born with AIS (Androgyne Insensitivity Syndrome) although your's is different in that you had a problem involving your pituitary gland which would be different causation with a similar result. So having known her, I can understand what you are going through and sympathize with you. I am assuming that you are predominantly physically female, but your inner being is screaming I'm a male, is that correct? If so, you have come to the right place, we welcome you dear Chrys Alys with open arms and hearts!