Stagnation

[Mahsa Tezani]

I love my boyfriend. Yes, he is 23 yrs older than me. Yeah, he's a married man. But I enjoy the time I spend with him. Yesterday, he came to see me. We went out to Fresh Choice, went to Target, out to a nature walk, and back home to make love. I felt bored, and I kept wondering, "why am I doing this?" I wasn't in the mood for sex and lately I haven't been in the mood for him. He kept trying to force me to have sex and was kissing me the entire time... I told him, 'stop" and he got pissed off.

My boyfriend has been married for 23 yrs. His wife is suffering from onset Alzheimers and they both live with his 98 yr old mother in her house. He is the polar opposite of me. He is a film show organizer and an A/V installer. He has a 23 yr old daughter.

But I felt the term that signified what I am going through is "stagnation". The last two years of my transition have been that. I can't go out to the City or San Jo without my boyfriend questioning me and having drama created. So as a result, I've became very lazy. I can't ever go out with friends, because he'll text me and ask me why I am not on AIM.

It is somewhat disappointing to transition and then spend the next 2 years at home on the computer. I hate it. I hate being on the computer talking to him when I should be doing stuff around the house, meeting my friends, etc.

My boyfriend is also jealous of any man who is attracted to me on fb. I meet a ton of guys IRL and on fb. Guys who I've dated, who are now on my fb. My boyfriend has issues with my gay guy friends paying attention to me, much less straight guys. It's caused a lot of drama as he's told me he will beat the crap out of my friends if they come over to my house.

Yesterday I showed him a Chris Crocker(One of the new ones, when he is looking/acting like a boy) video and he told me, "If that kid was my son, I'd disown him" and I was like why, then he said "He's a gay sissy". This kind of stuff bothers me, since he knew me transition when I was the gayest boy ever... That combined with his controlling behavior is driving me ->-bleeped-<-ing insane. His homophobia is the worst.

I don't know what to do. I miss being social, but I love him.

[Renate]

You've been to his house and met his wife?

[Mahsa Tezani]

You've been to his house and met his wife?

Uhhh no. His wife does not know about us. I am his little secret.

[Renate]

So you're taking the word of an adulterous, homophobic, jealous control freak about the status of his wife?

[MeghanAndrews]

Hmm. Maybe you should break it off with him for a number of reasons and start fresh with a guy that's more...a lot of things that seem maybe better suited for you...or something?

[AmySmiles]

I think I have to agree with Meghan... he sounds like the very bad kind of controlling person.  I'd break up with someone like that in a heartbeat because I prefer not to feel like I'm in prison when I'm in a relationship.

[Michelle.]

All the above and into therapy for co-dependency issues.

Mahsa, you deserve way better than this sack of .....

[Forever21Chic]

  Girl you and I should go hit the club scene sometime. There are plenty of cute guys out there to buy us drinks & w/e else we so desire. Hehe 

[Mahsa Tezani]

  Girl you and I should go hit the club scene sometime. There are plenty of cute guys out there to buy us drinks & w/e else we so desire. Hehe 

I know, the last straight bar I went to this cute hipster guy bought me drinks. When ya gonna be in sf?

[Mahsa Tezani]

So you're taking the word of an adulterous, homophobic, jealous control freak about the status of his wife?

He says he loves me more than her. But my gay friends(and theres a lot of them) are like, "He needs to get himself a boyfriend"

None of them consider him "straight"...the homophobia kinda killed that idea. There are straight guys who are open to relationships with trans... But they usually have no issue with her gay friends.

But his wife has no friends and he basically kept her locked up inside all day.

[Colleen Ireland]

But his wife has no friends and he basically kept her locked up inside all day.

Well, far be it from me, since I've sworn off all relationships other than the FWB variety till I'm complete, however...

Of course there's NO chance what I quoted could be in YOUR future with him??? Just asking...  (sounds kinda like your present, actually)

[Mahsa Tezani]

Well, far be it from me, since I've sworn off all relationships other than the FWB variety till I'm complete, however...

Of course there's NO chance what I quoted could be in YOUR future with him??? Just asking...  (sounds kinda like your present, actually)

Fwb?

[Plague]

Mahsa take a good long look at that pic... You are beautiful however any i mean any one who treatens you or someone else ..... come on fill in the blank? Love is blind go get a kitty or dogie u don't have listen to it bitch just feed it and love it hehehe  joke (although this is not a joke)
Please be careful. love u

[tekla]

Normally the up-side of being 'the other woman' is that you get stuff lavished on you (like say an apartment, or a car) and you still have your freedom.  Sounds like he didn't read the rule book.

[AndromedaVox]

I think since you posted this thread, you already know what you want/have to do. You are just afraid to do it.

I know because I've been there. Be strong, girl.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Normally the up-side of being 'the other woman' is that you get stuff lavished on you (like say an apartment, or a car) and you still have your freedom.  Sounds like he didn't read the rule book.

He can't afford any of that. Sometimes we go to Target or the comic shop/

[Robyn]

Red flag; red flag.

You realize you are being used by an old man, don't you?

Robyn

[Meshi]

I could never go out with a man that is married, especially to a wife that has this disease.  Im not the judgmental type, but there are soo many single guys out there..Why go for this one?  It is obvious what he wants from you. 

[Jen61]

This is him and I... Every young guy I've showed his photo to is like, "Is that your dad?"

Yo me it looks like a 40 something woman with a 50 something guy. I think yous should re-calibrate your moral compass.

Jen61

[Mahsa Tezani]

Yo me it looks like a 40 something woman with a 50 something guy.
Jen61

You're saying I look 40 something?

Way to be insulting... I didn't even read the rest of what you had to say.