experiences as a college student

[caleb91]

I'm posting this to see if how other transguys were received on their college campus.

I recently spoke with someone who said people were generally supportive. It really sucks for me I guess because I'm not seeing that lately. I live in a single dorm in an all women's dorm. 

Tonight I was coming back from this little cafe place on campus to my dorm. I felt my stupid packer slipping but though I could make it back to my room. Unfortunately, upon arriving to the front of the residence hall, I see a guy. He says hello and I act as if I too am waiting for a girl who is in the building. I will walk around aimlessly or remain outside if there is anyone nearby. I CANNOT go in with people watching. The girl he was waiting for came out and he went in. At that point I had crouched down and pulled my packer which was sliding down my leg (wearing shorts). I gave them sufficient time to leave the entry way so then entered the building. They were standing there and stopped talking as I passed. I couldn't believe it - it was ridiculous. I turned and they were still looking, I automatically said "what? you've never seen a transguy?" A bit after the girl came to my dorm and told me how she was sorry, how she didn't mean to be rude. I felt like slamming my door on her; I'm actually surprised I didn't. I'm very irritated at this point...at myself as well as I tell myself to stop being so angry with people who stare, maybe they just aren't familiar with transpeople.  Maybe she's never met anyone like me, she's just a freshman. This isn't the first incident like this and I'm well aware it won't be the last. Housing says there's no other place for me right now. It's so damn depressing. I hate hiding always in my single room in the freakin women's hall. I hate coming and going even more so.

sorry this went on for so long.  I'm curious to hear about other people's experience and how you handled it.

[Annah]

i know for some people they stare because they are genuinely curious and I know it must look rude or that the stare must mean they are looking at a "freak" but there are times when it is just innocent curiosity and it is something they never really seen before in real life that they never take time to think that staring isn't good.

I am just as guilty...and i am trans! When I moved onto campus last year, it was my first year at Seminary. To begin with, being a trans in a Seminary (a place that trains Priests and Pastors) was pretty nerve wrecking at first.

Then I saw a guy walk across campus and then started to talk with another guy next to me.  I was staring at him because I had an idea that he was trans. Then I caught myself before he started to notice. I was thinking "oh my God. This is my second week full time as Annah and my second week at Seminary and here I am staring at another trans guy." I was pretty embarrassed over my actions.

It took us over two months to tell each other that we were trans. Trans had an uncanny sense of clocking and we clocked each other but didnt have the guts to approach each other as we were both "stealth."

But one thing I can say is, I am glad you did not slam the door in the girl's face. The fact that she approach you and apologize is more than most people would do...even adults. She seems to be very wise.

I would take an opportunity to get to know her. Tell her about us. Not only will you teach her about us but you may get a new friend out of it

[caleb91]

yeah, maybe - you have a point. Should I just say "hey" or something next time I see her?
I feel somewhat bad for reacting the way I did...seeing she's a freshman and all.
All I know is this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't put in there.

[Robert Scott]

Have you talked to student housing?  My son talked to his student housing and told them of his situation and they offered him a single room in the guys dorm.  That might help some with the awkwardness of living in a female dorm -- my son was too at the time.

[caleb91]

Yes, I spoke to them before this semester even began. They made me submit a note from a therapist in order to be given a single in the women's hall...that's it.  A big note for a single in the dang woman's hall!?

I spoke with them again within this past week about how my doctor's appointment is coming up, so that means I'll be starting T soon - they told me to stay put. I honestly couldn't believe it; however, I just let it be as I didn't want to react in a confrontational way or anything..which is how I knew I would have acted if I let this conversation continue. I guess this is where I will stay. I can't stand it but I guess it's my only option for now.

[JohnAlex]

Yes, I spoke to them before this semester even began. They made me submit a note from a therapist in order to be given a single in the women's hall...that's it.  A big note for a single in the dang woman's hall!?

I spoke with them again within this past week about how my doctor's appointment is coming up, so that means I'll be starting T soon - they told me to stay put. I honestly couldn't believe it; however, I just let it be as I didn't want to react in a confrontational way or anything..which is how I knew I would have acted if I let this conversation continue. I guess this is where I will stay. I can't stand it but I guess it's my only option for now.

maybe after a few months on T and your voices lowers and you start to look even more like a guy, maybe then they will realize that you got to be in the men's dorms.

Or another thing I would do (if I had the guts for it), maybe instead of keeping quiet and not letting others know that you use the women's dorms, maybe instead let everyone know.  Let everyone know that the administration is making a MAN use the women's dorms. Especially let the women on your floor know.  maybe even use the women's bathrooms in there at a time when a lot of women are in there.
This could lead to the women being very uncomfortable and complaining about you being in the women's dorms.  and the more complaints the administration gets, is the more likely they will finally give in.

But if you just keep quiet, then they're going to leave things the way they are.  You got to cause a problem for them and make it so they give in to your demands because it's easier for them to deal with that way.

[Lee]

If there's an LGBT center I would contact them about the issue.  They may be able to submit a request on your behalf.

[Superrad]

Generally wonderful, but that's because I'm living in a male dorm and am stealth. It's just more comfortable because I can just be, I suppose. I make friends who immediately see me as male and I can begin to spot the social differences in the genders and feel myself doing some of these things because of habit just by being around so many guys. Naturally, it's a little uncomfortable because I didn't figure out a way to come out to my roommate (a sportsy, bro jock type) so I have to wear a binder at night but I'm pretty comfortable.
It's better than high school too because I was still at the 70% passing mark and people were a lot more catty and attentive. Still, people didn't say much about it in high school either. I suppose everything's just going well and it's a nice fresh start. c:

[Jeh]

My university has been very accepting so far. I'm not really stealth, anyone who becomes good enough friends to make it onto my facebook end up reading about trans stuff, so all my friends know I'm trans. I'm in the music program, so everyone in my year knew me before T so they know I'm trans.

I never did the dorm thing, but I did have to suffer through singing with the women in choir because my voice hadn't changed yet. This year I'm in the bass section and it's awesome.

It helps that this school year, I pass. Last year I didn't pass most of the time, and I didn't have the courage to correct anyone when I got "miss" or "she".

I'm generally out on campus though. I auditioned for several musical and theatre things, and for the musicals I came out to them as trans because they needed to know my voice was changing. I volunteer with the LGBT centre on campus, and proudly sport "ally" pins and another one that says "challenge trans phobia" on my backpack. I'm tempted to wear the transphobia button pinned to my shirt - I don't feel like I'd get a bad reaction, but I'm not sure I want to be completely, constantly out.

Does your school have an LGBT centre? Maybe getting involved with them will help you feel less alone and awkward. That's what it did for me.

[mm]

Great to hear about everyone experiences in college.  I started as a girl on the records and am now at the point that the new students this year see me only as a guy.  I live off campus so dorm life is not a problem.  I use the men;s restrooms mostly.  I go to a building near my main classroom building where it is very unlikely that I will see anyone I know.  I am pre so have to deal with monthly leakage of blood.  The students I started with know my history but usually now only use him/he around me.

[Eli_]

I'm lucky enough to be at a school where all the dorms are co-ed, and I'm mostly stealth.  There are a handful of people that I've told, and they've all been really great about it.  Aside from those few close friends, though, other people just know me as a regular guy, which is awesome.  My school has been really helpful.  In the spring, after acceptances were sent out, they had a weekend where a ton of kids considering the school went for two days and a night, and this was before I had gotten my legal name change.  They contacted me ahead of time and asked if I would like them to put "Eli" on all my information, and put me in a male group for the overnight part.   A lady from the health center also contacted me towards the end of the summer to let me know about all the things they could do to help out medically and emotionally for me.
All of that has been really helpful for me in transitioning (no pun intended) to college life, especially since I came from a situation where everyone knew, so figuring out how to handle a new place where no one knew and I could be stealth was a bit stressful at first.  I've only been here for a few months, but it's been an overwhelmingly positive experience so far.

[mm]

Eli, your college has done a great job on working with you in transistioning to college.  Do you have a roommate? If you do how is that working out for you?

[GnomeKid]

If anything I became cooler after people in my department figured out I was a ->-bleeped-<-.
It certainly hasn't seemed to have hurt anything. [then again I was out of the dorms upon transitioning]

I think it had a lot to do with confidence and my willingness to explain anything to anyone who was interested.  Why make it some big ole thing you're uncomfortable about.  People fear/hate what they don't understand, and are naturally curious.  You can either take that curiousity and get offended [as in oo look at the freak] or you can let them get to know you and realize that you're not really a freak at all.  Most people have had no experience with trans people, so what can you expect.  I haven't had much experience with 9 foot tall humans, so if a 9 foot tall person walked by me I'd probably be like DAMN they're tall[not that we stand out that much.]  If someone is walking down the road doing something out of the ordinary [singing, carrying odd objects, walking oddly, wearing something strange.. ect.] it catches our eye and we're bound to wonder and perhaps comment upon it.  Things you're never experienced before can really throw you off in one way or another despite not intending them too.

[Eli_]

Eli, your college has done a great job on working with you in transistioning to college.  Do you have a roommate? If you do how is that working out for you?

They really have.  They gave me a single (which I requested).  The majority of the rooms here are singles anyway, so it doesn't raise any red flags to other people, and it's nice to be able to sleep shirtless without any worries.

[caleb91]

I have my appointment in 26 days so I'm requesting a form for the DMV which I will also present to the housing office.
I finally made a friend here in one of my courses. The thing is he's assuming I'm a bio male which is FANTASTIC; HOWEVER, he was only feet away when I was about to scan my security card to the women's hall

It was AWFUL.

I'm in a single room but that's not enough when it's in this hall; also, I don't find the LGBT group on my campus particular helpful. I guess I'll just wait it out as I've been doing.

[wheat thins are delicious]

In your situation I would come out as trans to any friends so that it's not awkward if they see you go into the women's hall.