I've had days like this. There is so much that I want to do, but I can't bring myself to actually do it. Usually I just end up sitting/lying in one spot accomplishing nothing, or just sleeping. A lot of the time, I can't even find the will to get myself something to eat. Some times are worse than others, and I do eventually get out of it. A couple weeks ago, I went through a pretty mentally rough weekend. It felt like I was about to burst into tears at any moment. By the end of that weekend though, I realized the seeming depression was my mind's way of processing something that really needed to be processed.
Basically, I've been having mental fistfights with myself about what I want/need for myself. That weekend, I realized that my mental drama was because even though I want T, I don't want to want it, as confusing as that may sound. The ultimate conclusion that has helped me from that weekend is that I finally realized that I DO want T, and had been in denial before that. It is kind of like a situation in which a person is in an abusive relationship: deep down, they want to end the relationship, but in their more conscious mind, they don't want to want to end the relationship, because of the difficulties that may lie ahead. However, their situation will never improve until they realize they really do want to end the relationship.
Now, I didn't know what was wrong all weekend until the revelation I came to at the very end. My mind has strange ways of processing stuff. In the end, I came to a slightly clearer understanding of myself, which has both eased my mind in some ways, as well as cause other problems that I know I will have to process as well. I hope my rambling has at least made some sense. My brain works in strange ways at times.
