Let's start some controversy.

[Stephe]

I actually am a pretty supportive person – though not supportive of BS.......

This ^

[Devlyn]

Stephe, what's HO? I've only heard of "N" scale. Hugs, Devlyn

[veritatemfurto]

Stephe, what's HO? I've only heard of "N" scale. Hugs, Devlyn

its about 1/87th scale of the real thing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HO_scale

[Tori]

@ verita

I think you missed my main point.

This thread had been stalled for quite some time, and it was bumped back to the top of the list in referance to the posts made by a young member here and the responses she received.

This is a support site, but what are we supposed to support? A person who is fishing for compliments and perhaps a relationship? A member who is so thin her therapist is afraid to issue the HRT letter?

This girl was a tough case, and was not treated with the sensitivity she expected or felt she deserved.

When I engaged her, I was met with adversary from the start. She even hinted that I was overweight because I am not a size zero like her (although she quickly edited her post).

I certainly see why other members her did not treat her with kid gloves. But the advice she was given by the community was spot on. The tone at times was a bit harsh.

I mention all this because it is worth discussing.

This is a support site. In a perfect world, support would always come in the form of group hugs. Sadly, sometimes support needs to be administered in the form of a harsh dose of truth.

When the health of another member is on the line, I can not blame people for addressing the problem... even if the OP may not feel supported by the responses.

This is a tricky place, and support is a blanket term. The best of us can have our dysphoric tendancies flare up for the slightest of reasons. We can't be successfully supportive 100% of the time... but it doesn't hurt to try.

Support includes supporting the people who tried to help this young girl (and other tough cases), even when they fall short.

Yes, our community has a high suicide rate, I don't think anybody wants to raise that count by offending a young poster. To suggest otherwise is not being supportive.

We are a community of individuals. We share things in common but we also differ from each other in a variety of ways.  I can not expect others to handle issues the way I would handle them and they should not expect me to handle issues the way they would handle them.

I really appreciate this discussion and I feel it is important to think about this stuff from time to time. Trust me, I am not angry at anyone... I just like good conversations about important issues.

Aloha,
Tori

[Sophie]

Start? It's been going on for how long now? And it's really stupid. Unfortunately, just because you put "stop it" in caps and big letters, won't make people stop. Peope have their views and opinions and no one can change them. It's best to just leave it alone, ignore, and move along.

That pretty much sums it up for me too. The only thing I would add is that elitism is just a part of life. True it's a terrible thing but name me one aspect of life that you won't find such individuals. Elitist are in church, schools, sports, work, governments, our own families...they are everywhere. I would guess most of us have been guilty of it ourselves at some point. It's wrong and we should try to be better than that to others. Outside of that you just need to, " just leave it alone, ignore, and move along."

[veritatemfurto]

yea ok... enough on the topic then. A couple other member know what has been going on in full and I've been keeping them informed as to her off-site well-being. I'll just say that regardless of what all happened, it was a damn good thing that I decided to intervene with her directly and that's all I'll say about that for the sake of her privacy as a minor... there's enough hints in my other posts elsewhere... I've pretty much taken on the responsibility of becoming her translator/liaison/ big sister and will be handling any questions she may have for the time being. Like I told her, if she had come on here and started out like everyone else with a "hi! I'm soandso from nowhereville and I could really use some help on getting my transition going...I've had problems and I've developed disorders from when I was outed pretty badly on a game and etc..." type of intro, then things might have went differently than how they did since we didn't know where she was coming from or what her background was... She can still come back on here and do so and if she wants to restart her account, then I will be there for her to assist in the process. She has the opportunity to graduate in her true gender next year, but only if her situation can improve with her parents... she will need advice on being able to do so (in another thread at another time), for right now, she needs to focus on finishing this year's class first... I believe that if I can help make happen for her what I wished was available for me, and help her avoid the setbacks and frack-ups that got me off track so that she can realize her dreams, then all the ->-bleeped-<- that I went through in my past was worth it.

So with that, lets get back to how things were before all this mess. lets just clean off that slate. When shes ready, she can start over (with big sis helping her).
If you want to talk or know more about it, send me a private message.

Mel

[Tori]

Well said Mel. Thank you for your thoughtful reply and your helpful actions.

[veritatemfurto]

Well said Mel. Thank you for your thoughtful reply and your helpful actions.

thanks, u too Tori! Mahalo 

And thanks also to V M, Cindy, and the rest of the staff and users that were concerned for her too and helped me with advice privately about how to address the situation.

now, back2^ find z sleeper trolls...

[V M]

thanks, u too Tori! Mahalo 

And thanks also to V M, Cindy, and the rest of the staff and users that were concerned for her too and helped me with advice privately about how to address the situation.

Admittedly, I suggested the 'Big Sister' mentoring thing     But truly, you made the time and effort to take action and support our young sister and I applaud you 

You understand that it is not about placing blame or cheer leading or politics, It is about being a friend and being supportive of each other

[Tori]

The infighting here is human nature. It IS annoying but we are a sort of family and everybody knows you fight with those you are close to. As long as there are forums, there will be people debating and trying to "win" that is the very definition of a forum.

The problem comes from the nature of our discussions and this community's tendency to feel dysphoric over any number of things. People come here to share their vulnerabilities. Stay here long enough, and you will step on someone's toes (intentional or no).

It is a sad truth that most people would rather be told they are right than just listen to the needs of another. I often fit into this category. That must make me an elitist of some sort... no?

We have SO many sub-categories in this community. More types of trans than LGB combined I'd wager because we include all of the LGBT sub-categories as well. Yet trans-folk are relatively rare.


... ans so on...

[Amazon D]

I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT ANYONE HAVING A PROBLEM HERE IN THE LAST WEEK. I pray they are ok!

[JoanneB]

I have a difficult time understanding the infighting. As many other have said, it is human nature. Yet, as a group, we do have the unique ability to view and experience the world from at least perspectives. We know, or at least I sure hope we do, that as much as gender is not binary, neither is "The" solution to the multi-variable multi-order equation. Each of ours is unique. Many have searched for and found tools and answers to resolve their unique life problems. Unfortunately, since it was such a deeply emotional experience, it tends to lead to dogma.

I think the only "One size fits all" solution for all of us is outreach. Knowing you are not alone, not an anomaly, and that there others that have lived through or are living through many of the same issues as you are and are willing to share that knowledge to help with your personal pain. Be it Susan's, other forums, friends, family, lovers, or a good therapist.