friends

[anibioman]

i find i cant talk to my friends about trans issues or about my emotions in general. im a teenager, we are all really flakey i cant quite put my emotional wellbeing into the hands of another person, let alone a flaky teen. so im stuck with a lot of bottled up emotions. its horrible. i cant talk to my parents because they dont understand at all. mostly im afraid of putting all my eggs in one basket. does anyone else have this problem?

[King Malachite]

I was just thinking about the same thing.  I don't have any friends outside of the internet to talk to about my trans issues and my family doesn't/refuses to understand what I'm going through.  I actually cried earlier because of that so I can understand your pain man.  I keep a lot of my stuff bottled in because if I do talk about my issues with my family, I will get a lot of religious crap from them.

[Simon]

At 31 years of age I'm probably considered an old fart by some of you, but we have this in common. I have nobody outside of the internet to talk with about trans stuff. Even people who are comfortable with it don't know what to say or even how to react really. I think being trans is one of those "if you haven't been there you won't understand it sorta things". Kinda like being a different culture. I can meet someone from India, study their culture, and understand a lot about them, but I would never know what it was like to be Indian.

My gf of almost a decade doesn't even really know what to say. She listens but she isn't any use at giving me advice about anything. She doesn't understand how to relate. So far my mom has been the only one to actually tell me that she doesn't know what to say. My mom said, "It's weird to me and I don't know what to say about it, except I love you". I think most people in our lives, who choose to stay, are supportive but dumbfounded.

[AdamMLP]

I'm not even out to anyone in real life except my girlfriend, and I want to go stealth when I get the chance to live as male. The only person I really talk to about trans things is my ex because they're trans and their boyfriend is too, but sometimes I just keep it all to myself because slightly awkward. I'm starting to talk to my girlfriend more because she's getting used to the whole thing - yesterday night she had a dream where we were in our 30s with a kid and I'd "obviously finished transitioning" and I started crying when she said that. I never knew she knew the word transitioning or had thought about the future and medical stuff and accepted that too.

[FTMDiaries]

Yup, I had the exact same experience as a teen, and I have a similar experience now that I'm in my 40s.

I'd been telling my parents, teachers etc. that I'm a boy since age 5 but they would ridicule & punish me, so I had nobody that I could talk to. My friends, of course, couldn't understand either so I just had to keep all my trans issues bottled up. The thing that helped me was therapy: I needed an impartial third party to talk to who wouldn't judge me based on their own prejudices about who I should be.

Now I'm in my 40s and transitioning whilst married with two teenage kids... and I can't talk to anyone either. I can't talk to Hubby because it hurts him to hear about the things I'm doing to transition; I obviously can't discuss it with my kids; and my friends haven't got a clue how to help me because I'm the only trans person they know... so I'm stuck with discussing these issues here and with my brothers via Facebook. My sister isn't an option because she's the only religious person in our family and I don't need that in my life.

So yeah... for me, the answer was to speak to a therapist because everyone else had a vested interest in me and either they'd cause me more pain, or I'd cause them more pain. But keeping things bottled up only makes them worse.

[Natkat]

I think its rather normal for anyone who stands out abit, but I think it helps to know we are alot of folks who do so even when its not about being trans but for other facts..
something as simple as comming from another town can make you stand out and feel out of place.

I personally also find it hard to speak emotions to my friends, this is not cause I dont trust thend to hold bond on myself that I dont like to worry others too much with my problems.

[ford]

Same same. I'm in my late twenties going back to college with a bunch of young uns, so I don't really have friends, just class acquaintances. I've even found it impossible to ask them to call me by a different name, not sure why. Maybe because if I have to explain I have no idea how they'll react since I don't know them well.

The best thing I've done so far is find a little trans support group that meets every two weeks. I've only been once so far, but it was promising. The people ranged in age from HS to 70+, and they were incredibly open and friendly. I feel pretty fortunate to have found this resource in my little town, and I'm hoping it will be a place to let out some of this emotion and anxiety I keep bottled up.

[supremecatoverlord]

I have one friend who I incidentally dated a long time ago (before they were out) who I can talk to it about, but that's next to no one - they are also unable to transition at this time, so I feel bad discussing my medical details with them in much depth, because they have admitted to feeling envious of me. I really don't expect most people to understand my situation, to feel like you have the mind of the natal male but have felt horribly misrepresented by your body, unless they have gone through that before. Honestly, I'd rather remain stealth in my life among most and one of the reasons is that I just want to exist as a guy. It's nice not feeling like you have to prove yourself to hoards of people for once.

[Sarah Blomsterhatt]

When I decided to go fulltime I told my closest friends at the time. And living in a very small town, I didn't have to say it to another person, the rest of the people in town that knows me knows me as Sarah. So that went amazing for me.

But all these people are cis, so they can't relate. Several of them got a genuine intrest and ask me alot of questions which I happily answer, but as for someone to talk to about trans things they're not really that good. They have all been amazing, giving me nice compliments how I dress, my legs, one of my favourit comments by a girl was "you look like a Sarah".

I do got people I can talk to about trans things, mainly my ex girlfriend, who is sort of my mentor and idol. I can ask her anything, no matter how intimate and I'll get the answers. I also got my current girlfriend, although she is not quite as informative, she is increadibly supportive and she is someone I can talk with, about my thoughts, fears, etc. And just having someone I can say "I'm scared of the upcoming SRS" is nice. And I don't see myself talking about that level of intimacy with my friends.

[FullThrottleMalehem]

Teenage years are an awkward time. Do you see a counselor at all? If you have access to one that is non binary gender friendly, that might give you a good outlet for your emotions.

With my friends and family it has been really hit or miss. I have some friends and family that say they are ok with it, but won't use my chosen name only my birth name, or use male prounouns. Some say because it's just easier to not do so. Other family I don't dare come out to, they are very phobic or and against anything that doesn't involve cis gender and heterosexuality. Most of my friends are just in the "I don't get it" camp and don't care to try to educate themselves or change that, even the more open minded ones.

[aleon515]

Oh gosh, I even remember being a teenager. It's different as an adult for me anyway. I have friends I can talk to about it and my best friend actually seems to like talking about it. But I don't think I am quite as good a friend as I was, as I seem to only *really* want to talk about trans stuff.

--Jay

[insideontheoutside]

Even some old people, like me, really have no one to talk to. I have a few people, but they don't really "get it" fully. I liken it to how it must be to describe what milk tastes like to someone who has never drank it before. People who aren't trans or don't have the particular issues that come with that can't really know what it's like and therefore they often have a hard time trying to understand it, no matter how you explain it. Yet another reason why I keep coming back here, because at least I can converse with people who definitely do understand it. Not that I don't appreciate the very small number of my friends who do know my issues, because I do, but still it's just really hard to talk to them sometimes when they'll never know exactly what I've been through/am going through.