Would you date a M2F...

[judithlynn]

As a Pre-Op MTF I have found this thread very interesting. I have for many years only been interested in Women and in transition identify as a Lesbian, but my Australian therapist asked me this very question a couple of sessions ago , just as I was starting again on HRT about whether I could be interested in a relationship with a FTM Transman. I am best probably described as a Lipstick Femme, but as the HRT has started to get hold, I find myself being more and more attracted to Soft Butch women or Boi lesbians. I am not interested in a CIS Male relationship at all, but certainly I could date and have a relationship  with a FTM as I believe they would want me to be the feminine partner and I would want them to be the more masculine partner (but without the agressiveness of cis males).

As my body changes and as I am mentally and emotionally change, I find that being close to women or even FTM transitioning can be a tremendously supportive partnership.
Hugs

[ajayjo]

im staight ftm. my girlfriend is cisgender woman. she support me for who i am. she always been there when i need her. she stay by my side all the time. we been together almost 2 years on march this year.

[Rita]

A guy is a guy, a girl is a girl.  Just as many have already said. 

Then the normal rules of attraction come into play(well your specific)

[aleon515]

Well my mtf girl friend is WAY taller than me. She's 5'9" and I am 5'1". It causes some inconvenience, I have to admit. But if there's a will there's a way, as they say. So we get around it. I don't have a problem seeing her as female, but being pre-T (grrrr), I believe she might not always see me as male. (Not sure she sees me as female exactly either.)

--Jay

[Ryan B.]

I'm in a relationship with a mtf right now actually.

[Bosch]

As a Pre-Op MTF I have found this thread very interesting. I have for many years only been interested in Women and in transition identify as a Lesbian, but my Australian therapist asked me this very question a couple of sessions ago , just as I was starting again on HRT about whether I could be interested in a relationship with a FTM Transman. I am best probably described as a Lipstick Femme, but as the HRT has started to get hold, I find myself being more and more attracted to Soft Butch women or Boi lesbians. I am not interested in a CIS Male relationship at all, but certainly I could date and have a relationship  with a FTM as I believe they would want me to be the feminine partner and I would want them to be the more masculine partner (but without the agressiveness of cis males).

As my body changes and as I am mentally and emotionally change, I find that being close to women or even FTM transitioning can be a tremendously supportive partnership.
Hugs

Ftms aren't Soft Butch women or "Bois". They're men. Also, you seem to be projecting a lot on a large group of men in assuming trans guys have some intrinsic difference from cis guys in their personalities. Hell, I don't even expect cis women to be intrinsically different from men in personality, particularly in aggression, considering some stuff I've seen. But regardless of alleged "personality differences" I'm still a man. You wanna see me as a "boi" I'll start calling you a "lifestyle queen" 'cause the whole "ftms are lesbiannsss and special-different from cis men" thing has gotten way too old for me.

To answer the thread topic: I like peen too much to be with a fellow ftm. I can sympathise if I dude's not into me. For some people that's no big deal for others not so. If we could get decent penises then yeah absolutely. With what we've got, I've seen it, I'm just not into it.

[aleon515]

Ftms aren't Soft Butch women or "Bois". They're men. Also, you seem to be projecting a lot on a large group of men in assuming trans guys have some intrinsic difference from cis guys in their personalities. Hell, I don't even expect cis women to be intrinsically different from men in personality, particularly in aggression, considering some stuff I've seen. But regardless of alleged "personality differences" I'm still a man.

I agree with this. I am not a big fan of the boi thing anyways, unless you are talking about some kind of lesbian. Some people might prefer a ftm, because not a typical man (though what exactly is typical anyhow??). I think for some more queer people the other thing that might be appealing is not having typical male "equipment".

But saying we are like bois or soft butch (Huh, thought some used to be stone butch types)  is not going to get you too far.

Though I am pre-T (grrr), my girl friend makes of calling me "him" and using male terms. I don't think I'd stick around if I got the idea I was being treated like some "boi". UGH,

--Jay

[Jared]

Though I am pre-T (grrr), my girl friend makes of calling me "him" and using male terms. I don't think I'd stick around if I got the idea I was being treated like some "boi". UGH,

--Jay

I always respect these kind of people. I don't know how they do, cause it seems like I can't be that open minded or how to say this. I was in a similar relationship than you Jay, and even when I was pre-T my girlfriend treated me male. So yeah I would date an Mtf, but just post-op. Sorry if it's offensive for anyone, I can't be genderfluid.

[MyKa]

Great thread!!! Very interesting comments!

[AdamMLP]

I don't know if I could.  I was going out with someone who at the time thought that they were a cis male, and they knew that I really struggled that part of it as I'm not attracted to males at all, and often commented that they'd become a girl if it meant that I would be happier with them.  As trans I refused point blank to even consider it thinking that it would have made them really dysphoric, but now they've got over their internalised transphobia (they were accepting of trans people and did activism and stuff, just not themselves) they've realised that they're andro/genderqueer/MTF (something a lot nearer to female than male anyway).  I'm in a relationship with a ciswoman now, but I've wondered occasionally, hypothetically of course, if I would be able to go back out with them knowing that they weren't male now.  I think the answer would still be no, but as someone who's probably demisexual it's not something I can easily answer.  If I really like someone I'll give it a go with them I suppose, but for now it's irrelevant and difficult to think about.

[Simon]

I'm in a long term relationship with a cis female but if circumstances were altered I would prefer a relationship with a transwoman. I think there would be something nice about having someone who totally understands what you're going through without you having to explain everything.

[Adam (birkin)]

I checked this thread to see if I had answered before, but couldn't find it...anyway, the answer is yes. I've been attracted to both cis women and trans women, and to me, it all feels the same. As I see it, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.

Since a few other people brought up pre-op/non-op versus post-op, I'll also say that isn't a factor for me. It's just a small part of the whole woman, for one, and for another, after a period of time on HRT, it seems that most of the time a girl penis reacts and responds a lot different from a boy penis.

[aleon515]

I always respect these kind of people. I don't know how they do, cause it seems like I can't be that open minded or how to say this. I was in a similar relationship than you Jay, and even when I was pre-T my girlfriend treated me male. So yeah I would date an Mtf, but just post-op. Sorry if it's offensive for anyone, I can't be genderfluid.

Jared, I am non-binary in my brain. I want my body more male, as I feel that's what it should be. But as for my thoughts, feelings, heart, whatever-- I am not really male nor female.
But I don't want to be addressed as female. I hope this makes sense to someone.

--Jay

[Tejas]

I'm attracted to neutral to masculine energy so if the fellow FTM (or MTF* even) falls into this category then sure.
*As in, the rugged, sporty, athletic, outdoorsy type.  I used to say unlikely I'd date an MTF because they're heading towards the feminine end of the spectrum, but after thinking about it, that's a generalization.

For sure, I can't date anyone with a cat as I am quite allergic and I will never make them choose me over the cat.

[Elspeth]

I am not interested in a CIS Male relationship at all, but certainly I could date and have a relationship  with a FTM as I believe they would want me to be the feminine partner and I would want them to be the more masculine partner (but without the agressiveness of cis males).

Not meaning this as a challenge, but neither of the two cis guys I've had sex with were especially aggressive, unless you count as aggressive the fact that they pursued me and made their desires clear to me. Granted, the second one may have been partially interested because he wanted someone who would accept his desire to crossdress. He claimed (and I definitely believed, considering his presentation and what I know of his interests (which is a lot, since I'd known him socially for about 12 years or more before he started coming onto me) that he is NOT a transwoman. He may be overcompensating a bit -- he does ironman competitions -- but he seemed all man to me, even in a blouse, short shorts and mismatched pantyhose.

I could definitely be attracted to a transman (have admired them for years) but I would be a little concerned that he might have doubts about my intentions, and the fact that I have been lesbian-identified for decades, and regarded my ex from early on as something of a soft butch, might well trigger insecurities for someone who wants above all to be considered a man and nothing else, much as I wish I believed I could be treated as a woman and not fetishized for my trans-ness?

I appreciated that the guys who came onto me were relatively able to ask for what they wanted, and were careful to ask me what I wanted, rather than assume they already knew. I have and had a lot of prejudices about men in general, most of which extend to transmen as much as cis men -- sometimes perhaps even more, since "being man enough" can be a concern and source of insecurity for any man.

I do want to echo what I've read many times in this thread, that some of the attraction would be grounded in knowing that in many ways we are likely to speak the same language, in terms of having both dealt with living as someone transgendered in this world.

[Shang]

Definitely.   I have no issue dating a MtF or FtM.  I just would like for them to be asexual and into cuddling and have a great personality.  I don't care what's in the pants or under the skirt.  It's pretty much about personality to me.

[Angélique LaCava]

I wonder if theres more ftm who would date a mtf than opposite,
or if its just me?

i wouldnt date another MTF but id prolly date a FTM if hes nice and looks good enough. i have pretty high standards like he has to have dark hair, arm  muscles, 6 pack, tall, super manly,  must be part italian, must have tattoos,  must have piercings, and it wouldnt hurt to have spiked hair lol

[Jared]

Jared, I am non-binary in my brain. I want my body more male, as I feel that's what it should be. But as for my thoughts, feelings, heart, whatever-- I am not really male nor female.
But I don't want to be addressed as female. I hope this makes sense to someone.

--Jay

I guess many of us can relate to this 

[Jared]

i wouldnt date another MTF but id prolly date a FTM if hes nice and looks good enough. i have pretty high standards like he has to have dark hair, arm  muscles, 6 pack, tall, super manly,  must be part italian, must have tattoos,  must have piercings, and it wouldnt hurt to have spiked hair lol

Good luck to find this man 

[Elspeth]

Good luck to find this man 

She should also watch her back. If she finds him, my ex might run her down with her Subaru, in a desperate rage, seeking the same guy.