I'm going to paint a big ol' target on my back here because I'm sickened by what I'm seeing. I wrote this elsewhere and think it's time for me to air it publicly. Please note that this is about the definition of transsexual, not about anything else.
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The view being espoused by some post-op women of late does not, for the most part, define penis=man and vagina=woman so simplistically. It has to do with desire: if you desire to surgically alter your physical organs, you're transsexual, but if you do not desire to alter your physical organs, you're simply not transsexual. It has nothing to do with whether you're a man or a woman because, as we all know, sex does not equal gender.
So if sex does not equal gender, then why are we forced to accept transsexual and transgender as synonymous? The way we see the transsexual condition is that our desire to alter our bodies to match how we feel inside burns to the point of having to choose either death or surgery. And since, at least in America, surgery is financially out of the question for many transsexuals, too many of us choose death since we see it as the only option. We'd LOVE to drive the point home to the populous, to bureaucrats, to insurance companies, that our condition is not a choice or a lifestyle option. Surgery is NOT optional when the only alternative is death.
But our voice is drowned out as we're told to conform to the TG umbrella and say that we're no different than people for whom death isn't a viable alternative to total physical transition. That's where our passion comes from. And yes, we have compassion. Yes, we have hearts. Yes, we have feelings. We're human beings and imperfect as a result. You want to know why transsexual men aren't included in what appears to be a rigid demarcation of surgical-based terminology? Because if a transsexual man desires surgery, then he is transsexual. If he chooses not to accept the current methods because of functional or aesthetic reasons, that's okay. Trust me: your transsexual sisters' hearts bleed for you because we don't know what it's like to have these passions for physical change and no option that produces a result where nobody could tell the difference between you and someone born with the right genetics. Not to mention the cost, which is exorbitant compared to our surgeries! To us, that's unthinkable pain.
Likewise, we have deep compassion for those who desire a surgical option but are unable to go under the knife due to health reasons. It once again comes down to the desire to surgically change one's sex organs.
So what about those who don't desire a full change or for whom their thoughts don't scream "surgery or die" on an hourly basis? Sorry, but we don't see how that can be called transsexual, because sex does not equal gender and so not wanting to change sex organs doesn't really fit our terminology. And here's the point of contention: everyone under the transgender umbrella gets to call themselves what they are. Crossdressers can call themselves crossdressers. TVs are TVs. Androgynes are androgynes. They even get to discuss why other groups aren't like them. But woe to the transsexual who stands up and says "I am transsexual and here is why." No, we're forced to call ourselves the umbrella term, thus forcibly being told that we're no different than anyone else. Our need to choose surgery or suicide is completely negated by people who blissfully continue life with the body parts they're born with. When's the last time you told a suicidal person that their feelings simply didn't matter and that they don't need specialized care or an extra lifeline? Well, we're fighting for that care and those lifelines for all who wish to reach for them, regardless of income.
But without a clear and defining public message, we'll NEVER see those lifelines materialize. Our stance isn't one of saying "screw the rest of you" but instead is fighting for what we need for our survival. If we muddy the message with the agendas of people who don't have the suicide rate of transsexuals, then we won't see results that cause those rates to dip. It's like saying people with major depressive disorder are no different than people with narcissistic personality disorder simply because both disorders are in the DSM.
Is this making any more sense? It goes way beyond penis=man and vagina=woman. That's both an oversimplification and demonization of our message and our goals. We have no intention of telling anyone how to transition or who they are, just please don't say you're one of us if you're not because what good is terminology otherwise? If you have blonde hair, blue eyes, and pale skin, do you call yourself black? See? It doesn't work that way.
