Do You Ever Feel An Inch Tall?

[Kreuzfidel]

A lot of the FTMs that I know give the impression that they are outgoing, gregarious and able to easily be assimilated into any group, especially cisguys.  I know that I am that kind of guy inside, but the minute I find myself in social situations, especially amongst other blokes, I clam up because I start thinking about how I look and sound as my dysphoria surges, especially with my voice.  How do you guys let go of the feelings of embarrassment and inadequacy if you even have those feelings?  Am I the only one who feels an inch tall and a complete social failure?

[MaxAloysius]

Definitely not the only one.

I'm loud and outgoing, and often quite rude simply because I'll say what I think and screw the consequences, but I'm also very socially awkward. I've recently come to realise that this problem is due to my crushing lack of self-confidence. I can fake it quite well and roll on through, and most people don't think I have any such issues, but I spend most of my time worrying about what everyone thinks of me, if they like me or not, do I look too girly today? Why would anyone even want to be my friend? etc.

I haven't found a way around it yet, but I think I'm slowly getting better now that I'm transitioning and becoming more comfortable with myself. The best strategy I've found to date is to just push through and fake it like you own it.

[Dane]

I never used to be really self conscious, but it's getting to the point where if I'm just talking to someone, and if I strike a certain topic (usually something like anime or computer culture, but sometimes it's random) I blush like crazy, and end the conversation right there. It usually happens while I'm talking to a guy.

I also care a lot about how I look, and adjust myself all the time. Even though I'm not out or anything, I have this constant fear that someone will either say "Danielle why do your boobs look so small?" or something like that, which I'm not so sure I could handle. Social situations have been becoming hellish.

[Nathan90]

At my last school I was told I was the most social person in the group, and therefor everybody was really surprised when I told them about my social awkwardness and insecurity. (it was a sort of special one year thing, I wouldn't share something like that with a random group)

And I've noticed it's becoming worse now that I'm trying to pass and present as male. Since T is a long way off and I'm still a female at school, my 'male' moments when I'm randomly out of the door are very creepy..

[Squirrel698]

For me, getting in with guys is relatively easy.  Basically sitting down and discussing popular television shows or current events is not to difficult.  At times it's hard to get my confidence up to give an alternative opinion but overall it goes okay.  My problem is getting beyond that level.  Getting to the level where I would see a friendship developing. 

I see a few guys who I might be able to see an eventual friendship with but I don't know how to make that leap.  This is how guys role, they tease and insult and challenge each other.  That's fine really but I am very sensitive.  I tend to react to that kind of teasing with hostility so that basically blocks the relationship from growing.  I try to demand respect because I know that's what guys except but it comes out aggressive.

A friend told me that he likes that I'm being assertive and all but I can't expect respect from that.  Then he backtracked and said that wasn't exactly true ....  Another guy pointed out that what I need to do is be respectful to get respect.  If I offend someone I should sincerely apologize and mean it but that sounds like bending to me.  So how does one be respectful without being a doormat?  I really have no idea.   

So I wouldn't call myself a failure but I have a long time to go before I get all the male on male relationship subtleties and body language.  I also get uncomfortable sometimes with my packer and that.  I feel like everyone is looking right at it and seeing that it's not quite right.  Like it's to big or whatever even though I'm wearing the smallest I can find.  I'm sure it's all in my head.  I actually feel more comfortable when I'm not wearing it but that would be obvious in dress trousers or the tight pants I like to wear.

I'm not sure how to let go of all of that.  I know everything does run smoother when I'm confidence is up.  If you believe in what you are then that's what you are.  Right now my confidence in the gutter so it's getting awkward unfortunately.   

[tvc15]

All the time. I do just fine on my own but the minute I go out in public I compare myself to other guys and feel like all my changes still amount to nothing. I also didn't socialize with anyone when I was in school so now I am oblivious to social cues, be they from guys or girls. My few friends were girls, so I'm automatically more comfortable around them, and I freak out around guys. I feel like if I even just tried to interact with them they would laugh at me for not being authentic or masculine enough or whatever and that would kill me.

I'm trying to just find confidence in my own personality. My brother is like me; not macho, has no interest in stereotypical male activities like watching sports, has mostly female friends, has a lot of hobbies guys would probably make fun of... but he doesn't care and always acts like himself no matter what, so nobody makes fun of him, and he makes a lot of friends of both sexes. I'm afraid to try the same thing, though, because I guess I worry more about fitting in than he does. The irony here is that since he doesn't care about fitting in, he does, and I try to put on a mask that everyone can see through. I still just haven't got the hang of being myself quite yet.

[Natkat]

A lot of the FTMs that I know give the impression that they are outgoing, gregarious and able to easily be assimilated into any group, especially cisguys.  I know that I am that kind of guy inside, but the minute I find myself in social situations, especially amongst other blokes, I clam up because I start thinking about how I look and sound as my dysphoria surges, especially with my voice.  How do you guys let go of the feelings of embarrassment and inadequacy if you even have those feelings?  Am I the only one who feels an inch tall and a complete social failure?

I think its pretty normal, some people are just good at hidding it better than others.
for me it depends alot on who I am with and so.

I wont say I got trouble being social, but in some groups of people I feel diffrent from I can.

[GnomeKid]

eh... I never feel so small.... In fact walking to class today I had a trippy moment where I felt I was growing out of my clothes as I walked....[it was an early class and I was probably rather stoned]

I do recall the feeling of not wanting to talk though because that is what always gave me away in the past [before hormones]
I think it still resonates with my personality today despite my low voice, and its a damn pain in the ass.  Social anxiety of any sort really is.  Cisguys are relatively easy to get on with because for the most part they aren't interested in the details of your life.  For the most part you're sole purpose in their life is whatever activity you happen to do together. 

[Kreuzfidel]

Thanks, guys.  While I'm feeling for what you all have gone through, at the same time it's nice to know that I'm not alone or some kind of screwup.  I isolated myself out in the country with my grandparents for ten years with nearly zero contact with strangers.  Now, at 32, I'm having to learn social cues that most my age would have picked up in their teens.  That and having left my entire family and security in America to come live in Australia where I only knew one person, my wife.  It's tough being this age and not knowing more about life

[Felix]

I'm really outgoing but also frequently socially inept. I waited to comment because I wanted to say more about this, but I don't know how to wrap my words around it.

I've spent parts of my life pretty isolated, too, and I've moved from one situation to another enough that I often deal with some pretty weird culture shock. I've been through a lot, but there are some basic understandings (how to drive, what's on tv, how I'm supposed to act in a lot of "normal" situations) that I don't have. I'm 30.

You're not alone. Be aware too that your discomfort is often not even noticed, so it can be worth it to socialize in spite of any crappy feelings about yourself it brings up.

[N.Chaos]

I generally get along good with any guy who isn't like a walking stereotype (obsessed with all things boob-related, sports fanatic, etc) but even then there's exceptions. I can relate to the awkwardness, I've always been pretty antisocial and just not a fan of being around many people (except concerts, oddly enough, but that's a whole separate rant). I think the worst thing, though, is when you see/come into contact with someone and just keep thinking "God, I would get along with them perfectly" and can't even manage to say hi.

My boyfriend has a friend who works at a store near his he's constantly talking about introducing me to, and I freak out every time it comes up. It started as a joke because I had a bad habit of ogling him anytime I saw him (this might sound creepy, but he looks so much like Squirrel its uncanny) and then turned into a serious "You guys should meet, he's incredibly nice and transfriendly and I know how bad you want another gay guy to talk to" that just made me stutter like a moron. And the sad part is I [i[do[/i] wanna be friends with him, hell, I want to be friends with ANYONE who I can relate to around here, but I just...gah. Can't get past that, the nervousness, the awkwardness, the "Oh god they can see my binder and know I'm not normal".

[bojangles]

The best strategy I've found to date is to just push through and fake it like you own it.

Same here. We build ourselves up by doing that. It takes practice. Awkwardness, physical pain, feelings getting hurt or whatever...we can learn to grin (or frown) and bear it. It also helps to learn to do things that boost your confidence. Pick something you wish you knew how to do and make it happen.

I have always been kind of a loner, not very outgoing. That could lead to sabotage with transition. All those little victories from doing uncomfortable stuff in front of others (name and gender changes, coming out, etc.) have been anxiety inducing stepping stones. Then just keep on finding things to add more muscle.

Cisguys are relatively easy to get on with because for the most part they aren't interested in the details of your life.  For the most part you're sole purpose in their life is whatever activity you happen to do together.

True, and one of the best things about hanging out with guys.  You don't have to talk much.