opinions plz?

[Elsa.G]

i have a aunt who has about 60% of her body depigmented by a condition called vitiligo, a condition where ur skin loses pigment and becomes sun sensitive. She is my aunt by marriage meaning she married my uncle (dad's brother). Anyway she is a black woman and her natural skin is dark complected. I was talking to her today and she was telling me that she wants to depigment her skin color to be totally pale like the vitiligo skin, she is at a point where she cannot revert back to her natural skin color and she wants to have even skin tone so she is thinking about this treatment to remove her remaining pigmentation. She is sad that she will have to lose her skin color but at the same time excited that she can be even. Anyway she came to talk to me distressed because her family is shunning her for wanting to remove the remainder of her color, so much so that they are threatening to stop talking to her. They prefer for her to have patchy skin than to be even, even though it will make her feel comfortable again to not have patchy skin. They dont want her to be completely pale and would rather her have some of her skin color than none at all. Her family is from Africa and i think that can be part of the reason they feel that way, that she will lose her identity. It made me think of myself and my family, especially when i first came out, they could not accept me and it seemed like my happiness wasnt important, just what they wanted. Nobody asks for GID or vitiligo it just happens and its beyond our control, but it just disgusts me how people that arent in other's shoes think that they should dictate how we live. She is sad but for her own happiness she is going to depigment. Anyway, this just reminded me of some of us with GID not the same thing but the reactions seem the same.

[stldrmgrl]

It is unfortunate but it is also inevitable; others will not change their views despite happiness for someone else.  In that aspect, we either choose to make ourselves happy or choose not to for the sake of others.  Nonetheless, it is a choice.  Your aunt must decide which is for her.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Why can't she just go black more? I don't exactly approve, but her family are ->-bleeped-<-s.

[supremecatoverlord]

Why can't she just go black more? I don't exactly approve, but her family are ->-bleeped-<-s.

As for your question, I believe this is because her skin is losing its ability to retain any pigment, but someone should correct me if I'm wrong.

[spacial]

I can understand this attitude. My wife's family, who, by co-incidence are also from Africa, wouldn't approve.

I think though, you need to look at this from a different perspective. Are you ready to accept them as they are? They clearly would react in a particular way. To alter that would make them unhappy.

I don't think this is an African trait, particularly, though African extended families are quite unique. Like people in all cultures, they react to events in a reasonably predictable manner.

I will add, for your aunt, that given the loss of pigmentation is making it difficult for her to tolerate the sun, then losing the remainder of her pigment will mean she is stuck indoors. It would be more sensible for her to wear a decent sun screen. Though this is a matter for her of course.

[Heavenlywind]

Hmm,  thats interesting that the family doesn't agree with it. Although in the end it is her decision.  Michael Jackson had vitiligo also and I guess you can ask what they think about that. Skin color is something I personally think should not matter, nor does race or how you look. As for her family, they are just being jerks. I don't think she would lose her identity at all.  After all she is who she is and thats enough.

[Elsa.G]

Why can't she just go black more? I don't exactly approve, but her family are ->-bleeped-<-s.

She cannot go back because 60 to 65% of her skin color is gone, therefore her skin is very noticeably patchy especially since she is very dark. She wants to just depigment so she doesnt have patchy skin anymore and therefore she will feel more comfortable with herself. Doctor's suggested this since it will likely be more successful than trying to get her old color back

[Elsa.G]

I can understand this attitude. My wife's family, who, by co-incidence are also from Africa, wouldn't approve.

I think though, you need to look at this from a different perspective. Are you ready to accept them as they are? They clearly would react in a particular way. To alter that would make them unhappy.

I don't think this is an African trait, particularly, though African extended families are quite unique. Like people in all cultures, they react to events in a reasonably predictable manner.

I will add, for your aunt, that given the loss of pigmentation is making it difficult for her to tolerate the sun, then losing the remainder of her pigment will mean she is stuck indoors. It would be more sensible for her to wear a decent sun screen. Though this is a matter for her of course.

My aunt does know about the sun sensitivity and she is willing to accept it, she plans on doing it for her own self esteem even though she would prefer to be her own color she is willing to be white so she doesnt have patchy skin anymore. As far as acceptance i think she should do it, especially if it will help her feel better to not have skin like that anymore. Her family of course is not experiencing the feeling of wanting to just be one color again.

[Felix]

I've known black people with this syndrome. It's really difficult to live with.

I have no help or advice, just want to say that the question itself is helpful to me. Thinking about it is helpful I think to going forward in the world even all white. There are commonalities in our differences.

Anyway, I hope it works out okay.