how do you know if your passing or if people just dont care?

[Eve of chaos]

lately I have been going out as female a lot. And I haven't really noticed anything out of the ordinary.
as far as i can tell I get no weird looks. no double takes, I might've gotten laughed at but at the same time I feel like the people laughing dont really notice me and are laughing at something else.

I try to be aware of my surroundings to see if anyone's talking about me ect. but so far I dont really have anything to go off of.

I feel like If I wasn't trans and in their shoes and I noticed someone who didn't pass id purposefully ignore them to be polite. I wouldn't stare, I'd probably avoid looking at them altogether. and If i did have a comment id wait till they were well away from earshot. I feel like most people will do this.

I feel like most people are doing this.

so the question is how do you really get affirmation that your passing or not? i mean is this typical for pass or no pass?

I suppsoe I could try talking to strangers but I'm way too shy for that :3

With all this being said I have had only one moment where I got ma'amed. I parked my car and got out and someone behind me a decent ways off shouted "hey ma'am its $7 to park there" . I was really far away and it was my back. plus i had a skirt on to reinforce the idea so I dont count it really:p

[El]

Well purely from the photos ive seen of you i would imagine a lot of people would think you were a genetic female or wouldnt be sure enough of themselves to say anything/react (because obviously it could be really offensive to ask a gg if she was trans but not offensive at all to say that to a trans person ). You do look good though, keep smiling, hold your head up high and if anyone says anything to you, brush it off, its one person at the end of the day and most people are actually quite nice.

[El]

Also, paranoia is your worst enemy, it ruins me sometimes!

[JoanneB]

If you've ever been out and in situations when you know for sure you weren't, then it is real easy to tell the difference 

Yes, the PC factor is there and people tend to be more polite. That does not apply at all to the high school and especially female crowd which show No Mercy.

IMHO, I can't be greedy. If people aren't laughing, finger pointing, staring, making obvious remarks to their friends, I can settle for that. In fact I love how I can now venture out and not be noticed at my towering height. A major change from the past. Sometimes I get a look I am not sure of. Sometimes I just know a guy is checking me out and not thinking something else. Most times I am just another anonymous woman.

Try not to let paranoia rule your gut feelings. It is so hard for us to honestly and fairly evaluate how we look. Being able to pass is like a final exam. Revel in passing it

[Colleen Ireland]

Well, having been fulltime now for about 7 months, I don't think about it much, and I never did put much store in whether strangers in public think I pass or not.  In the very beginning (about a year ago), I was really horrible, I didn't pass at all, but I was out in public regularly, and nobody said "Boo."  At the time, I thought I passed, but I know now that strangers are kind, or at least ignore you most of the time.  And self-confidence is EVERYTHING.  As bad as I looked, I had a BIG smile, and carried myself with confidence, and I think that made the difference.

These days, there are certain aspects that would tip someone off, like my hair, and my voice, but I've met a fair number of people recently that I spend some time with, like I joined a church choir as a guitarist, and the women in the choir just accept me - they refer to me with the right pronouns and everything.  No question.  And again, a large part of it is simply that I carry myself with confidence.  I'm just living my life as my authentic self, and people respond to that.

So don't worry so much, you look WAY better than I did when I was starting out, you obviously don't need bad wigs (like I did), and you pass really well just as you are!  Greet the world with confidence, and it will respond positively.  You're beautiful.  Believe it.

[spacial]

I would have though that people not caring is the best outcome, if not the objective.

I recall, in my brief time, living as female, I absolutely didn't care. It just didn't occur to me to be frank. I was in a small town in the Scottish highlands which were and are, very conservative.

If people don't expect there to be a problem then there isn't one. But if you go up to someone and ask, for example, would anyone know that I was born male? The answer will probably be yes.

Come to think of it, if you have the confidence, you might care to walk up to a complete stranger and ask if they had figured out that you were actually born female? Is your male appearance complete convincing?

[Colleen Ireland]

Come to think of it, if you have the confidence, you might care to walk up to a complete stranger and ask if they had figured out that you were actually born female? Is your male appearance complete convincing?

Hehe!  Good one!  That might actually be fun... 

[Jen61]

If you've ever been out and in situations when you know for sure you weren't, then it is real easy to tell the difference 

Yes, the PC factor is there and people tend to be more polite. That does not apply at all to the high school and especially female crowd which show No Mercy.

IMHO, I can't be greedy. If people aren't laughing, finger pointing, staring, making obvious remarks to their friends, I can settle for that. In fact I love how I can now venture out and not be noticed at my towering height. A major change from the past. Sometimes I get a look I am not sure of. Sometimes I just know a guy is checking me out and not thinking something else. Most times I am just another anonymous woman.

Try not to let paranoia rule your gut feelings. It is so hard for us to honestly and fairly evaluate how we look. Being able to pass is like a final exam. Revel in passing it

Well said ! At 5 10 1/2 and small boobs, I am not always sure why other people are looking or laughing, and you know what, I do not care, I do not care if I pass or not, it is their problem not mine.

Jen61

PS It helps that at work and most people I interact in a daily basis know that I am a female with a birth defect under repair.

[tekla]

What's it matter when the end result (from your perspective) is the same?

[stldrmgrl]

People not caring is a form of passing, in my opinion.  However, analyze the situation yourself.  Take a look at how people look at you.  Do they stare at you with a confused look on their face?  Do they look at you and then quickly look away?  Do they look at you with an interested look on their face?  Do they look at all?  Use people's body language as your ultimate judge of whether or not you pass.  Truthfully, unless you ask every single person you interact with whether or not they think you're trans, you'll never actually know.  Just keep in mind that passing isn't something achieved and sustained.  Every single day matters whether you'll pass or not, so always try to look your best.

[Forever21Chic]

  Well if you see people pointing at you while laughing then that's your sign! Other then that i wouldn't worry about it. 

[Heavenlywind]

Its best not to think to much into what other people think.  Their opinion shouldn't matter even if they are vocal about it.  They just random people you may or may not run into again.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I think you'll know. Trans people who are awkward or starting out do get noticed.

But people being PC? Hardly. Most people don't understand trans people and spotting one does make some of them uncomfortable.

But yeah...Look for wtf looks, people whispering, etc

[Guantanamera]

I think you'll know. Trans people who are awkward or starting out do get noticed.

But people being PC? Hardly. Most people don't understand trans people and spotting one does make some of them uncomfortable.

But yeah...Look for wtf looks, people whispering, etc

The answer is really simple: "Ask yourself if you live in a fly-over state?"

If you do, people will immediately give you cat calls if they clock you.

If not, they might or might not clock you but they won't be shouting at you in either case.

[Mahsa Tezani]

The answer is really simple: "Ask yourself if you live in a fly-over state?"

If you do, people will immediately give you cat calls if they clock you.

If not, they might or might not clock you but they won't be shouting at you in either case.

I thought they would just laugh or point or go WTF

[Guantanamera]

I thought they would just laugh or point or go WTF

...no se?

[Eve of chaos]

I feel like when I'm out as male I get more attention.
people would always come up to me and try to make conversation. an back when I used to dress really punx I got tons of stares. so I know what its like to be stared at.

I just feel sort of invisible and ignored and I cant tell if thats passing or people trying to well ignore me because I dont.

heh maybe I just make an ugly girl so no one pays any attention :p

[Felix]

I so often want to ask complete strangers what gender they see. It's kinda tiring to always have to pay attention to more subtle cues.

[Guantanamera]

I just feel sort of invisible and ignored and I cant tell if thats passing or people trying to well ignore me because I dont.

I think that is a function of social deference, I don't think that most people consider it polite to randomly walk up and make conversation with women (especially men.) Somehow for men, speaking to 'strange' women = trying to steal someone's girlfriend/trying to cheat on your girlfriend.

Besides, have you ever tried making a pass on a beautiful girl? Most people, myself included, need a little liquid courage. 

[Layn]

I so often want to ask complete strangers what gender they see. It's kinda tiring to always have to pay attention to more subtle cues.

me too. specially when i open my mouth or i'm just generally looking a bit like crap, i just want to ask everyone "come on, you must be seeing it?? admit it, damn it!". I know it's a weird thing to freak out about, but it's weird how everyones just acting as normal. there are absolutely no weird reactions, even when there should be! I mean, not even that uberreligious guy who believes homosexuals are posessed by demons and were abused as children acts different, and he knows i'm transsexual (at least yesterday a friend told me something he said about me. now i finally know how he stands in regard to me).
it'd be really nice to know if i'm really passing or everyones just really that good at not showing what they're thinking.