What does it mean?

[Noah James]

Hey guys,

So, yesterday I came out as trans to my mother and was surprised to find that she was alright with it. I was honestly expecting some yelling, maybe a bit of a temper tantrum (my mother is prone to those at times) but really, she just sat there all calm and collected through my entire explanation. Afterwards, she simply hugged me and said: "(insert female name here), if you wanted to be a monkey, as long as you still loved me, I would have been fine with it." and then left it at that. Now, this isn't the response I had planned for, but looking back now, it kinda makes sense for her, so I'm glad things didn't turn out as expected.

Anywho, that event got me to thinking about how I came out to my father and, by extension, his response. Now, my father brought up an interesting question for me when I told him, and while I still don't have a concrete answer for him (he encouraged me to think about it before I responded) I was curious as to what some of you would say.

Q: As FTMs, we all know that we were born as male on the inside, but what does it truly mean to be a man? (And for any MTFs, what does it mean to be a woman?)

Just some food for thought.

[JohnAlex]

I'm only speaking from my opinion.

I believe that what means to be a "man" is mostly sociological.  Our society for the most part determines what "male roles" are (and also what "female roles" are.  Society mostly determines what is feminine and masculine.  Even things like women showing their emotions more and men hiding their emotions more, is largely due to sociological influences.

A small part of it, though, I believe is biological.  which is why men are more prone, or have a disposition, to being masculine.

So for transmen, we have a disposition to wanting to be recognized as male, but society is trying to tell us to be the female role.  No one can deny that society have clearly set female and male roles.

I think it would be interesting to see how transgendered person would respond in a society where there is little sociological difference between males and females.  Imagine if there was no "he" or "she" there was just one gender neutral pronoun.  And there were no male or female roles, then what would male mean?  If society played no role in gender.  but we still had physical differences.
Hypothesizing here, I think there might be a lot of transgenders who wouldn't bother to surgically transition.

However, we don't live in that society.  We live in a society with HUGE differences in gender roles.  And transmen identify with the male gender role.  So I guess, to answer your question in short:  Being a man to me means wanting society to see me as man. 

I still am a man even if society doesn't see me as one just because I WANT society to see me as a man.  and likewise, cismen want society to see them as a man.  This is because of the stereotypical (and sometimes inaccurate) gender role of society we more closely associate with.

[Sharky]

I was wondering how much role society plays. If then I figured if gender roles stem mostly from society then why do most society's have very simular gender roles and expectations?

I think a lot of it comes down to how you are hardwired. Men and women have different brains. Way back when, men being masculine and women being feminine is what kept the species alive.

I would transition if i was the last person on earth.

[Arch]

I would transition if i was the last person on earth.

But who would do your surgery(ies)?!

Sorry, couldn't resist. And not everyone wants surgery anyway.

[Sharky]

But who would do your surgery(ies)?!

Sorry, couldn't resist. And not everyone wants surgery anyway.

A robot of course.

[Daniel006]

I think a lot of it comes down to how you are hardwired. Men and women have different brains.

This.  I was trying to think what makes a man or a woman, and though society has its own definitions and there are exceptions to every rule, it comes down to brain hardwiring.  When posed with the same situation, men and women tend to react in different ways.  For example, stereotypically, a man under stress will retreat to a corner of his mind and work the problem out himself, only asking for help when he decides he cannot find a resolution on his own.  Contrarily, a woman under stress typically finds relief by talking it over with others, which helps her to process information and come up with a solution.  Even though these can be considered stereotypes and exceptions do exist, I feel that the reaction is an innate attribute of the brain.  Directly stemming from this example is the *perception* that males are more independent and females are more social, which contributes to social preconceptions.

When we are growing up, we know what our innate reactions are to different situations.  By watching those around us, we notice that *usually* members of our biological opposite gender react in similar ways to ourselves and begin to identify with them.  (This is all entirely speculation on my part.  Take anything I say with a grain of salt.)  It is difficult to label any multiple things as something that makes a man because of free will.  One of the arguments that people give us when we come out is that a woman can do anything a man can do.  This is true to an extent.  If a woman tries, she can work out a problem without talking it out with others.  However, this is usually not her innate reaction to stress, but a conscious choice.

To sum up, to truly be a man involves our innate reaction to stimuli as determined by the hardwiring of our brain.  We can't change it or even necessarily explain it.  It just is.

[TreyLeeGamer]

Going with what JohnAlex said our society is one that has huge differences in gender roles. Men and Women are treated and seen in very difference ways and thus end up in very different situations.

You are most comfortable as yourself.
I think that most people who are more comfortable in the situations males end up in, are usually male. This is a very simple (and generalizing) way of thinking of it, so it's not 100 percent true, but I think its a way of looking at it.


To me gender is an aspect of identity.

What it truly means to be a man is a tricky question, that is both the same yet separate question as 'What does it truly mean to be you?'.


The question 'What it truly means to be a man' was explored a bit in the video game character Kanji Tatsumi.
Here's a quote from an article anlising the character.

For the people of Inaba, a person's sexual preferences are not dependent on what sex an individual actually likes. It doesn't have anything to do with attraction. Heck, it doesn't have anything to do with sexuality whatsoever. Because Kanji doesn't act like a 'man", he is not engaging in things that are "male". For the people of Inaba (and, I would absolutely say, the people here in America) you can't be a man, like to sew, and still be straight. Kanji likes to do girly things, and not manly things. Therefore, he must be gay.

And this gets to the heart of what Kanji represents in Persona 4, and why he's such a wonderful character; Kanji, as a character, represents the way that society(Japanese society, and, I would say, American society) handle Gender and Sexuality.

People, in general, need to characterize things, separate items and people according to differences. You are gay or straight. You are a Democrat or a Republican. You are Rich or Poor. If you are male, you like to have sex with women. If you're female, you like to sew and do arts and crafts. If you're a man, you like to do "manly" things, like play sports or get into fights.

YOU, as an individual, do not make these choices. YOU, as an individual, do not choose whether or not you like guys or girls, whether you like sports or crafts. Society, that all seeing eye, determines what you SHOULD like, what you SHOULD enjoy doing. Your reality, your existence; it's socially constructed. Society determines what you are supposed to be.

For the kids at Inaba High, because Kanji is a guy who likes to sew, he HAS to be gay. That's all he's allowed to be. That's all society allows him to be.

[Felix]

We've had the deserted island/last human on earth/life in a social vacuum discussion, and I tend to agree that there is some kind of primal need for some of us to be and behave a certain way.

[N.Chaos]

I honestly have no idea.
I had this conversation with my mom when I first came out, and she's always been huge on not forcing gender roles or stereotypes onto me. All I know is that whatever makes someone female, at least mentally and personality wise, is what I'm not.

It used to bug me, because I'm not uber-manly by any stretch (I sew, I cook, I clean, I'm a total flake sometimes, and a number of other often-girly things) but I just know in my gut, and think I always have, that I am not a goddamn woman.

[Dane]

Say you took the human mind, and stripped it. Made it so nothing but the most primal intuition and instincts were present. We'd see the men behaving a certain way, and the women behaving a different way. I think it's hard wired into the brains of humans.

How this directly applies to me, I know not, but like Sir Chaos said, I have a strong gut feeling that I'm a dude.

[Squirrel698]

Based on my experiences before and after I passed a few ideas have formed.  In my estimation being a man is about being dependable and protective.  One of the main differences I've seen in my before and after is that now people simply expect me to do whatever needs to be done.   If I'm carrying a heavy box it's just assumed I can handle it.  Before there was more of a focus on if I needed help and how they could be of assistance.  It's nice this way but I have a difficult time asking for help.  So at times tasks are much harder than they could be.

I've had girls ask me to walk them to their cars at night.  They claim they feel safer when I'm there.   That makes me feel really good because I want to help others.   

Now I feel much better now strolling through the city at night by myself.  People think twice before messing with me because I might give them more trouble then it's worth.   

[dmx]

It's as simple as having a male gender identity. That is the only prerequisite for being a man.

[Squirrel698]

It's as simple as having a male gender identity. That is the only prerequisite for being a man.

Just for the record I agree with this.  I'm just relaying part of my personal experience.