Transmen dating hetro guys

[Prince Larien]

OK this is going to make me sound really awkward but...

One of my oldest and best trans-friends has informed me that he is going to be marrying a heterosexual male. His fiancé is a lovely person, very supportive of my friends transition and says that he loves him as a guy, but I'm still not sure he's making the right decision.

Apparently the service have delayed his T because of this. I know I shouldn't judge and that it's probably a lot different for him then the way I see it but I'm sure if I can be supportive.

Do any of you have opinions on this? Or the topic of heteroguys/lesbians dating FTMs in general?

(P.S On a lighter note: I'm going to be a Godfather!!! XD)

[Bahzi]

Wait, so he's delaying physical transition so he can legally marry as female?  Uh, hrm...  I mean, I get that in most states that's the only way, but if he changes his gender marker later the marriage could still be anulled.  Also, there is a major difference in the way most transguys are viewed after they've been on T for awhile.  If his husband to be is truly completely hetero, it's really unlikely that he'll still find him attractive after transition.  I could be wrong, and there's always exceptions, but that relationship sounds doomed.

[jessman3]

My partner and I started dating while I was still living as female, and he identified as a hetero-male. When I first came out to him it was a lot of adjusting and self-questioning on his part. But now I've been living as a guy for almost a year and a half, and we're stronger than ever. He's found liberation in not needing to label himself anymore-he can just be in love with me without it being "gay" or "straight". (Though he finds humor in the nuance of me "turning him gay", as he thought I was a lesbian before we dated, and used to joke about "turning me straight")
to be honest though, we're anything but a typical couple. We're both quirky and strange and have simillar qualms with the rest of the world. Eccentric if you must.
I'm just saying it doesn't /have/ to be doom and gloom. (Although I agree with bahzi, delaying physical transition for anyone but yourself doesnt seem like a very fruitful idea.)

[Adio]

It may work out for other people, but it wouldn't work out for me.  Even though I find some straight guys very attractive (actually I'm generally more attracted to straight men than gay men), I probably wouldn't date one unless he was already having sex with men.

Not interested in dating a lesbian or any women.

[Prince Larien]

Wait, so he's delaying physical transition so he can legally marry as female?  Uh, hrm...  I mean, I get that in most states that's the only way, but if he changes his gender marker later the marriage could still be anulled.  Also, there is a major difference in the way most transguys are viewed after they've been on T for awhile.  If his husband to be is truly completely hetero, it's really unlikely that he'll still find him attractive after transition.  I could be wrong, and there's always exceptions, but that relationship sounds doomed.

We both live in England at the moment and here same-sex marriage is legal in the form of a "civil partnership" so he would be able to marry him as a man. I just don't understand I suppose, I'd probably get it if I was them. I've only ever dated gay men (I even get funny if I date a bisexual sometimes.)

[anibioman]

there are always exceptions to the rule (your friend could be an exception) but i think generally trans guys shouldnt date hetero men or homo ladies, because they are attracted to women.

[Dane]

I'd date anyone that I liked, and that liked me for who I am. Labels seems to get in the way of things. People always think sexuality is static and I disagree.

[Nygeel]

Whatever floats your boat. On a personal level I would feel uncomfortable dating lesbian women or straight guys. I know that many people don't feel that person A's sexual orientation doesn't affect person B's gender.  I feel it invalidates my gender, or is a lack of recognition towards my gender.

[Sharky]

I would date a lesbian.

[N.Chaos]

I'm actually in an odd situation in that I'm dating both. My girlfriend is a weird thing in that I've got no physical attraction to her anymore, but we've been together for seven years, and after nearly losing her I realized that in spite of everything, I do love her. My boyfriend is straight, but  he's been my biggest supporter from day one. He might've actually been the first person I told outright. He liked me for years, and I never told him I felt mutually because I didn't want to give him any 'false' hope (at the time, I figured I'd be stuck with just my girlfriend forever). He's exceptional on just about every level, at least in my opinion. I don't how how he puts up with me, but I'm beyond thankful for it.

[Felix]

I have pretty mixed feelings on this. It's a good question.

[Sam-]

Love is love, attraction is attraction. Labels are just words, I can look beyond them.

[~RoadToTrista~]

I'm suspicious of hetero guys who date trans men, I just assume they see them as a type of woman.

Of course that's not always true.

[N.Chaos]

I'm suspicious of hetero guys who date trans men, I just assume they see them as a type of woman.

Of course that's not always true.

I can't blame you, honestly if I hadn't known Ben for about 6 years, I would've thought the same thing.

[Da Monkey]

I think I would pick a heterosexual cismale over a homosexual cisfemale at this point. Assuming we are talking about trans men dating cisgendered people instead of a more complicated question about heterosexual transmen and homosexual transwomen.

With a straight cismale I think because of how I look (post-op and on testosterone) I feel like he would keep our relationship a complicated secret. And to be honest if I started dating a guy I wouldn't want my friends or family to know either.

But with a lesbian cisfemale I feel like she would out me all the time to justify the fact that she's dating me.

That's all hypothetical anyway since it doesn't matter because I'm dating a heterosexual-identified ciswoman.

[Morgan.]

As cliche as it sounds, I really base the foundation of what I look for in a relationship on personality, so if the person I'm interested in, whoever and whatever they may identify as feels mutual, then I don't particularly hesitate.

My current girlfriend previously identified as lesbian, and although she thought I was female initially (because of a misunderstanding via my ex, who could not accept me as a transguy) but within 24 hours of us speaking, she knew my situation and has never called me by the wrong pronouns since, and has never had a second thought about our relationship and neither have I.

When you find someone who's really right for you, it doesn't really phase either of you, because you develop feelings for the sort of person they are.. well, at least that's how I've experienced it.

[Sam-]

When you find someone who's really right for you, it doesn't really phase either of you, because you develop feelings for the sort of person they are.. well, at least that's how I've experienced it.

precisely how i feel as well    hope it continues to work out for you

[Bishounen]

The topic made me remember a documentary I watched some years ago, about a butchlesbian and a heteroman that had fallen in love with each other despite their sexual orientations that remained unchanged.

They had started out as friends, that in time became tighter and tighter until they realized, that they had actually fallen in love with each other.
However, as she was a strict lesbian, she could not find him sexually attractive, and as he was strictly heterosexual, he could not find her attractive either as she was too much of a guy in his mind.
Despite this, they had no problem with a certain degree of intimacy such as cuddling and romantic evenings, while the more "physical" part of intimacy they had solved by finding ways to please each other with, such as massage, plays with various tools and in short just intimate nearness but without the actual sexual part.

I strongly believe that while the sexual orientation is generally biologically fixed since birth in a person, everyone yet has the slumbering ability to potentially "fall" for someone regardless of gender/Sex.

[Prince Larien]

You guys are right. I didn't think of it as being just stupid labels, labels are stupid!

But I'm still somewhat worried. I mean I've seen documentaries about couples who've been married before they even transitioned and how their partners have stuck by them and been very supportive. But even then they often compare their relationship to siblings, even if they stay together.

But my friend met his fiancé after he started his transition so I am worried that he might not see him as a man or that he might change his mind when my friend finishes his transition.

[JohnAlex]

I wouldn't.  I couldn't do it.

Even if I and a heteroguy/lesbian fell in love, I would have to insist that the other person change what sexual orientation they identify as just for me, all they have to do is consider themselves a bisexual (or pansexual) just to date me.  Otherwise, I just couldn't do it, I would feel like they saw me as a female.