ah.... its a bit complicaited for me X.X rather disgusting in a way.. but i dont terribly hate it THAT much.
Before i found the real me, i had made a vow to joint he millitary, reserves. for school, though the true reasonw as because it was the "manliest" thing i could think of to prove to myself that thease thoughts and daydreams and fantasies of mine were wrong.
to that end i started working out with my freind, whom ive known forever, he used to babysit me when i was a kid. that is ex-army. wounded in iraq, but still healthy as a horse.
however most of thease workouts are weight training, muscle building things. and when i first accepted myself, it disgusted me to think i still had to do that.
but, im 19. i have a long life ahead of me and i still have to do it, for the fact that i prmised myself id be a walking contradiction, a body building nerd ^^
and im really not that worried, cause once i get that far, i know i wont have to work out with him anymore, and i can just do cardio on my own. and that hrt will reduce the ugly lumps that will be on my arms ^^
as it is im still a big person close to being average but still a fair belly and "man boobs" >.> so its not a imidaite concern.
so, for now im just trying to emphisize cardio more, a bit of a painw ith him. but we have been runing a lot more the past few days so its starting to work ^^ just wish i didnthave such a slow metablolizem it makes loosing wieght a pain in the ass. but im confidant i can do it ^^