Coming out to my little brother? Tips?

[Username]

So I've come out to my family and it's gone okay.... we had a big argument about whether I should tell my little brother (he's about 11). Without telling him it would have been impossible to use proper pronouns. After reasoning with them that all I was going to talk about was gender (my parents were a bit concerned it would lead to the talk) I'm allowed to do so.

I've yet to tell him because my dysphoria with pronouns and everything comes and goes and I've been feeling better after the talk with my parents so it hasn't bothered me enough to be ready to tell him. Plus he's very easily distracted and I have to wait for the right moment. I also need to think out what I'm going to say.

I'm thinking something along the lines of...
I have to tell you something, I have a disorder (or I don't know what word to use. I don't want to call it a problem)
I'll ask him if he knows what gender is... then I'll tell him I feel like a boy. There's something different with my brain and it makes me a boy. (I strongly believe the biological cause of being trans is right, that a combination of pre-natal hormones and/or genes are what causes it)
I don't know how far in depth I should go about hormones and mentioning any other stuff, such as intersex people (which would help to explain things such as gender and body not matching), and genderqueers / non-gendered people (I am technically genderqueer, but I lean so much towards the boy side that it's not too confusing) etc...
For some strange reason I remember knowing from when I was very little (8-10) that trans and intersex people existed. I don't know if my brother might. He is a very smart kid and loves to watch the discovery channel and all that stuff....he's very scientific so I don't know. Maybe I should try to explain further only if he's not getting it or asks questions.
And in the end I'll ask that if he feels comfortable to start referring to me properly and he can try to start calling me by my new name and that if he has any questions he can ask. That he doesn't have to inform his friends or anything. He can still call me his sister around them. I don't want him getting bullied or anything for this.


Any tips on what I should mention and how I should do this. Best way to explain this? Do you think what I have planned out is okay?

[Dane]

Just make sure he knows how YOU feel. I've come out to two people so far, and one of them could only grasp cliches about being trans. Make sure you stay as far away from those as possible. I wouldn't confuse him further with the whole intersex thing, but if you feel it is a good example, then go for it. Most of the time 11 year olds are better at understanding things than older people give them credit for.

[Username]

Thanks for the advice. That's what I though too and I had to argue with my parents about.
I'll probably be telling him in a few days or so.

[Username]

So just in case anybody wanted to know, everything went well. I kind of made the mistake of telling him too late in the day and he just sort of shut me out and wanted to go to sleep. But the next day I asked him if he understood and we went over some things, although all he really wanted to do was watch television. He acted like it was something so trivial but he understands and will try to treat me like his brother. It was so weird. He got it sooooo quickly. It was like I was telling him I'd gotten a haircut or I'd bought new clothes. He didn't make a big deal about it. It's great. I was expecting more confusion but it went pretty well, way way better than coming out to my parents.

[Felix]

Sorry I didn't comment before you spoke to him, but it sounds like it went well. My daughter is 11, and I just came out to her half a year ago. She was upset at first (due I think to issues with abuse from males), but pretty quickly grasped the concept and also got bored with it. She's cool, and she brags about her daddy, but if I go into much detail about gender, I might as well be reciting tax code or something. She doesn't care. For kids, it's just another detail about you. They usually have much less reason to find anything strange about it than adults do.

Best of luck to you as you move forward.