Online dating.

[Darrin Scott]

I know I just posted about "partners" and I'm honestly not desperate for a relationship, but I have belonged to OKcupid for a while and I'm wondering what I should do. I put that I'm FTM in my profile, but my actual gender marker on there says F. Should I change it to M? I'm pre-everything which is why I'm asking. Also, I'm nervous about straight chicks. I obviously don't have a dick and all. It seems like lesbians aren't interested in me, either for being too manly. I'm so confused about online dating. Again, I'm not desperate for a partner and do very little with the site, but I was looking at it today wondering what I should do. Any advice?

[Wesley_33]

I was thinking about putting one on that site today. I have a profile on a different site now.

I wouldn't be to worried about what the straight chicks think for now. Go ahead and change it to M. I mean whats wrong with getting to know someone before hand right. If you aren't looking to jump right into something than change it and see what happens. How much you feel like telling in profile is up to you. Being pre everything makes you no less a man.

[Felix]

I have an okcupid profile. I originally made one years ago, after linking to an interesting political quiz and not realizing it was a dating site. I answered a gajillion questions and did a ton of tests, but for the most part just ignored my inbox.

I recently decided to use the site for what it's for. I made a new profile, a male one with my chosen name, and I'm taking the tests anew. I haven't listed myself as ftm on my profile, but I tend to tell people immediately when they contact me. Plus it's kinda obvious from the questions I've answered. The site algorithms frequently suggest people who specifically mention trans or gender concepts.

I don't take the site very seriously myself, but I do think you should change your gender marker. It isn't really being honest to put female when you feel male. Being pre-T and pre-surgery will be a turnoff for some people, but you're still a man.

[Darrin Scott]

I changed it over, but am afraid of contacting people. Should I not?

[Wesley_33]

Go ahead on contact some. The worst they can say is not intrested right. Maybe if not that one person maybe they know someone whos more your type. Who knows but its worth a shot. Don't sit and wonder what if and never try.

[Kristyn74]

I joined on in Oz,and there is a box for relationship,casual dating or friendship. list in your little speil that your interested in meeting someone and if something eventuates then good. then it shows you're willing to be friends and tsake things slow. say you dont do much computer stuff and that you'd rather meet over a coffee for a chat.
In doing this I met 35 chicks in 5 weeks. Within the first date you can talk all the things you'd like to put on the table, and tell them that.
My GF said I came across pretty full on as i talk 100mph, but in being forward got all the problem points out of the way.
we've been together 18mnths now.And she buys My dresses  (what i like and what she likes to see me in)

Kristyn

[Darrin Scott]

Thanks guys! (and gals!) Should I take the FTM part out of my profile?

[Nygeel]

I've been on there for about 2.5 years. My profile says male and in my "most private thing..." I write that I'm transgender. I do take the site pretty seriously. I don't really know what I can tweek in my profile in order to increase my ratio of messages per page view.

Right now its around 1:75

[Sharky]

I would take it out and tell whoever shows interest after talking for a bit. I wouldn't wait too long to tell them, don't want to be wasting each others time. I would also be sure they know Im FTM not MTF, since a lot of people assume trans = MTF.

Now I kinda want to make one. I keep hearing about that site.

[Adio]

@Nygeel:  How can you tell how many page views you get?

@Darrin:  I have an OkC profile as well.  On my profile pre-T, I listed myself as male and under the biggest secret (forget what the section is called) I put that I was trans.  Since then, I've taken that out.  I used to tell people as soon as I was messaged, but that always backfired.  Now I only tell someone after I've determined he's seriously interested in me, and, of course, that I'm seriously interested in him.  Otherwise I feel like it's unnecessary.

My advice:  Only put what you're comfortable with everyone knowing.  Explain the rest later to the people that really matter. 

[Darrin Scott]

@Nygeel:  How can you tell how many page views you get?

@Darrin:  I have an OkC profile as well.  On my profile pre-T, I listed myself as male and under the biggest secret (forget what the section is called) I put that I was trans.  Since then, I've taken that out.  I used to tell people as soon as I was messaged, but that always backfired.  Now I only tell someone after I've determined he's seriously interested in me, and, of course, that I'm seriously interested in him.  Otherwise I feel like it's unnecessary.

My advice:  Only put what you're comfortable with everyone knowing.  Explain the rest later to the people that really matter.

Thanks. I put M and took the trans thing out. Oddly enough I'm getting more visitors to my page then I did listing as F. Go figure.

[Wesley_33]

Things will work itself out for you. Like others have said put what you feel good putting and if things look serious let them know. The right one will come along when you are both ready.

[Darrin Scott]

Things will work itself out for you. Like others have said put what you feel good putting and if things look serious let them know. The right one will come along when you are both ready.

*like*

[Nygeel]

@adios it says how many page views per week on the visitors page. My average is 21 views a week and with sending out 350-400 messages plus being on there for as ling as I have, I've only had maybe 15 conversations. Nothing really went anywhere.

[Adio]

@adios it says how many page views per week on the visitors page. My average is 21 views a week and with sending out 350-400 messages plus being on there for as ling as I have, I've only had maybe 15 conversations. Nothing really went anywhere.

Ah okay.  Wow..I only get 4 page views per week.  I rarely send messages though.  But I've had 9 people message me in the last week.  So I guess that's not too bad.  Not many people in my area anyway.  You're in NY right?  I figure (like anything) in bigger cities/areas there would be a larger dating pool, so there would be more matches.

[Nygeel]

Ah okay.  Wow..I only get 4 page views per week.  I rarely send messages though.  But I've had 9 people message me in the last week.  So I guess that's not too bad.  Not many people in my area anyway.  You're in NY right?  I figure (like anything) in bigger cities/areas there would be a larger dating pool, so there would be more matches.

Yea. I also have a 50 mile radius. I've messaged practically everybody with a 50% match or more between the age 18-30 within 50 miles and is looking for guys. I tend to message people about something in their profile that we have in common.

[J.T.]

I tried OKCupid for about a year a couple of years ago, did not list anything about being trans.  Nothing ever came of it, had one "two week" email/messaging spurt, trying to give her a shot but she was a bit psycho and possessive.  If she was that pouncy online I couldn't imagine what it would be like in real life.  I told her it wasn't working for me and then blocked her.  Never had any other conversations/emails for about three months and then removed myself from the site.

Plan was to always disclose after we got to know each other.

[Darrin Scott]

Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?

[Dominick_81]

Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?

I'm like you, I won't message anyone either. I don't handle rejection well.  My thought is, if someone is interested in you they will message you. But sometimes if you see someone you wanna get to know ya just gotta go for it. Think of the worst that can happen... she doesn't answer you back, then she's not the one, ya know?

As for the whole male thing on the profile, I would put male. I was asking my cousins when should you tell the girl that your trans? They were saying start off as friends that way you can get to know each other first and then tell her your trans when your ready. If she's comfortable with you being trans you can move on from there.

[Adio]

Thanks all. I'm not expecting much to happen, but it's kinda fun to do. I am afraid of messaging people initially, not even mentioning about gender and not passing or something.....should I be concerned and not initiate contact with people?

Just go for it.  Don't even worry about mentioning gender, etc unless you want to.  Message people you're attracted to or would like to know more about.  Waiting for someone else to message you may work, but definitely do some messaging of your own.  The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy yourself.  Best of luck to you