not willing to listen. rantish

[vik2ray]

OK he res the story.
i am out to my parents, and Friends.
my Friends aren't the problem, they seem to handle me being ray perfectly fine.
my parents on the other hand swept it under the rug.
when i first told my mother and father that i was intent on becoming a male they laughed, then they cried then they yelled.
took my binders, my Mens deodorant and went out and bought me a wardrobe full of women's clothes to prove a point.
words of if you want to start t do it after we are dead or if you leave town and we disown you.
problem is id gladly leave town. but i cant, my parents are clingy and overly involved in my life. yesterday i was having a shower.

mother walks into the unit I'm temporarily living in and says open the door I'm going to wash your back.
a screaming match through the door leaves me getting out to a parent who manages to open the do pr grab my towel and start drying me off saying I'm a pretty girl and i should wear skirts.
i go into my room put on pants. more yelling about how if i ever have a child that the man i will be with wont stay because i wont make a good wife.

that i need to be more feminine.
with all that said it gives you a glimpse of how difficult it is for me to get anywhere let alone out of the house without being paranoid that my parents are going to jump out from behind a bush and yell at me..has happened before.
i really want to put my foot down permanently and tell my parents that i will go on t. but first they dint listen, two I'm sick of their manipulation and constant attempts to thwart my life. they threatened my Dr, keep an eye on my money, passwords, bank accounts, have all my legal documents which they wont give to me unless i have a valid reason.

they have contacts in the police who give me hell for making such good parents worry when i dint answer the phone a police car comes to my place and i get yelled at by the cops. my parents dint back down.

I'm sick of dodging them, getting yelled at for being someone i am, and its just worn me down. I'm at a point where i just want to dump everything i have leave town and fake my own death to keep my parents out of my life.

they simply wont listen. Ive tried putting off going on t for a year, and slowly transitioning. wearing androgynous clothes. it took me a year to wear pants and shirts and i still get hell for wearing steel earrings instead of girl gold hoops. i still get hell for buying a weights set. and i get the fact I'm a girl rubbed in my face everyday.

i want to stand up to my parents, but I'm so emotionally drained from trying to make it easy on them, that i have started to doubt why I'm doing this. and because of that my depression has returned. its eating away at me.

how can i explain and simply talk when I'm hit with a barrage of hatered and bigotry and expectations lies and accusations?

Ive had enough and am at breaking point with my parents. they put up a wall and a frame that i need to fit into to have their acceptance.

but i dint want their acceptance i want them to leave me to my life.

my mother Even asks me if i went to the toilet. I'm sick of the control. sick of the manipulation sick pf the hoops i jump through to get anywhere. i cant get a Dr in this town without my parents interfering and putting in their word of how to treat me because when i was younger they purposely sent me to a Dr that gave them a paper that said i was mentally unfit to make my own decisions due to phycosis.

because i ran away from a loving home at sixteen. i ran because they went through my things andcared to much apparently i was a stupid child. and getting berated by Dr's to listen to my mother is getting old. I'm turning 21 and i cant even sneeze without my parents telling me to claps a window or drink warm tea not cold drinks.

I'm in a state where i have no clue what to do because the web my parents have made in this town makes me feel guilt for hurting so ma my people who care about and and my parents. damn manipulativefaimily damn manipulative bigot homophobic communists that are my parents.

[Felix]

This sounds really traumatic, really horrible. You're old enough to get out, right?

[vik2ray]

i am, i lived away for two years. got 60 phonecalls a day, when i dint answer police where influenced to come yell at me by my parents. and i cant leave town due to lack of transport and lisence. even if i left the parents would track me down. they have tracked me once through my phone and legal papers and bank account. im just starting to really want to dissapear of the radar fully. but the police have threatened to arrest me if i leave my parents again. on terms of i am out of the careof my parents and a danger to the public thus should be put in a institution for the insane.
and people wonder why i hate my parents.

[rosetyler]

the police have threatened to arrest me if i leave my parents again. on terms of i am out of the careof my parents and a danger to the public thus should be put in a institution for the insane.

Has anyone given you a legally valid reason why you being "out of the careof my parents" is a bad thing, or why you're "a danger to the public"?

[stldrmgrl]

Has anyone given you a legally valid reason why you being "out of the careof my parents" is a bad thing, or why you're "a danger to the public"?

+1

Did you attend a court hearing?  Are there any legal documents to support this case?  Were you institutionalized?

If the answer to the above three is "no" - your parents are lying to you and only intend on scaring you.  If you wish to read my legal explanation of the above three questions, it is below.  My advice?  Get out of there as soon as you can.



The majority of involuntary commitment cases involving the diagnosis of psychosis, where the individual was institutionalized, were derived from a matter in which legally binding documents ordered the necessary therapy for the individual; usually specific to drastic behavioral changes and/or a prior incident that as a result of, presented such claims and desire of evaluation of the individual.  Thus even though a doctor may diagnose you with psychosis, legally he/she cannot make the decision to institutionalize or therefore otherwise force you into any other means of therapy against your will, without a court order (in some cases you may be temporarily institutionalized for further evaluation, typically for no more than 72 hours, which does not require a court order).  Therefore, if your parents told you to remain in their care as a result of such diagnosis and have no legal documents to support this claim, it was an untruthful statement.  The doctor you saw may have suggested to your parents to institutionalize you, but based upon and as a result of what you've stated, your parents declined if indeed such a suggestion was presented at the time.

As per the law enforcement issues you discussed, you can file a complaint with the specific police department/sheriff's office in which is committing such harassment towards you, if indeed they are "yelling" at you about such civil issues.  Law enforcement is required to respond to any and all calls in which they receive, so the mere fact they check on you for well-being purposes due to your parents calling them, is not a fault of the law enforcement agency.  However, it is borderline misuse of law enforcement by your parents and boundaries which are deemed civil in nature for law enforcement, thus not authorized or enforceable.  If law enforcement is taking it upon themselves to check on you without being summoned to do such by proper means, this is most certainly a violation of code of conduct and as well can be tried in a legal battle as stalking or at least harassment, if not always the same officer(s).

[vik2ray]

apparently my previous doctors advised an institution and i had been prescribed anti phsycotics that did nothing for my state of mind. and he res an update on how things went with my mother yesterday.
it started with her buying me more girls clothes. and i said I'm not interested in boys. she gave me a look.
i told her that i was intent on starting t. then it all crashed.
she called me so many things. an it, a ->-bleeped-<-, a person who would die in the gutter with a dick sewn on and id be the scum of the earth.

she almost spat in my face. and said i have a daughter not some..THING.
she said as soon as i would be done with hormones id come crawling back on hands and knees, that id be a sack of ->-bleeped-<-, and be raped and drugged up. if i wasn't put into an institution fir at. apparently they wouldn't ask questions theyd just drug me up and cure me of my freakishness and all my parents would do is cry.

apparently they have documentation that will make it happen and mum will die before she sees me on hormones.
she stormed out leaving me shaken up.
later i had a Friend over.
my parents showed up. my Friend served as a buffer.
my mother gave me the filthyest look.

my father took me aside and gave me a stern warning.
it went like this. 'we raised a girl i have a daughter, should have belted you till you bled when you where 8 and this ->-bleeped-<- started, you make your mother cry and i will do it. i Will beat you down and you will be normal. start this ->-bleeped-<- again and i will hit you hard..i never hit you before but i realise i should have. ' that was said away from my Friend in Russian.

but he did see the fist dad was holding to my face. only thing was i smiled and said sure thing. n laughed. i was beyond the point of listening to their threats i felt like i was taking the first step to being me and not hiding. he could have had a gun to my head and i wouldn't have backed down. but last night i slept 12 hours.
I'm insomniac so I'm lucky to get an hour normally.
and the doctors have taken two years to disclose to me that i was diagnosdx with depression. like something was holding a gun to their head. none of my previous drs gave me information. they said its nothing. but the one who actaully stood up and told me a diagnosis of GID and posttraumatic stress, anxiety and depression was the single dr who wasnt scared or bribed by my parents.
so i have no idea about legal anything thanks to my parents manipulation of previous drs.

[stldrmgrl]

I just realized you listed your current location as Australia.  Unfortunately, I do not know the laws over there as I am in and was speaking to the laws of the United States.  Still, my advice is to get out of there.  Nothing good is coming from you staying.  I am still willing to bet your parents only intend on scaring you and have no legal justification for their words/actions.

[kelly_aus]

Even in Australia, this would be a misuse of police powers.. And as far as the medical stuff goes, the AMA may well be interested in hearing about it..

If you want to PM me a slightly more specific location, Ray, I may be able to point you in the direction of some help - or be of some direct help myself..

[Felix]

Oh my god. You need to get out. You need to stay as calm as possible at all times (so your behavior will be harder to twist and describe as "crazy") and get as far away as possible as soon as you can. You need allies. You need legal help and somewhere else to live. I believe you that the situation is as you've described it, but it's all wrong and should not be possible in a civilized society. You have to get away and walk on your own feet. You don't deserve to have to live like that.

[vik2ray]

as for the medical things, they are based on something when i was 16 so four years ago. legally back then my parents made all my desisions apparently that was law. after 18 they have no say. so back then as a minor they had all right. but the fact they hold it over me 5 years later is concerning. is a diagnosis from such an early age even legal. once my mother tried to get me in acourtcase with a letter from my doctor saying i was mentally incapable of understanding what was going on. the jidge told my mother not to bull->-bleeped-<- and made her leave the courtroom..mum tried to go to state court and sue him for treating her like a second class citizen.
so i suppose that if one judge didnt accept my mothers crap no judge will. and dont worry the courtcase back 7months ago went ok i got the money back over a bad desision i had made with an x.

thanks for the support, its gotten me through a really rough patch i had to get over.

this is what ive grown up with. to me that seems to be the norm. right now things have settled down for a day or so. my mothers pushing me to get a job. and i intend on doing so. starting tomorow im putting in resumes and not just doing my basic cert 2 course.

that way i can be independant faster. normally a jobb would terrify me and ive had anxiety and mental breakdowns due to stress. but right now if i dont get a job id be much more stressed. and thats all the motivation i need. and it will allow me to leave faster. but if i do get a job and it starts overwhelming me any coping techniques?

i already meditate and do a lot of calming and self healing but that only goes so far.
will let everyone know how things progress. hopefully a few certs and 5 years of volunteer work and a first aid certificate will help me get a job.

and my resume is all fresh and shiny.

[rosetyler]

If there is no legally valid reason for them doing this, then read on...

took my binders, my Mens deodorant and went out and bought me a wardrobe full of women's clothes to prove a point.

&

mother walks into the unit I'm temporarily living in and says open the door I'm going to wash your back

You said you don't currently live with them.  Change all your locks and don't give them any of the keys.  If you have roommates, ask them not to let your parents in.  Also, if you've got all the womens clothes in your apt right now, see if there's gals you know that would be interested in them or give them to a charity.

more yelling about how if i ever have a child that the man i will be with wont stay because i wont make a good wife.

She's right, at least partially.  You, a man, _would_ make a terrible wife.  You'd be better off being a husband. 

how difficult it is for me to get anywhere let alone out of the house without being paranoid that my parents are going to jump out from behind a bush and yell at me..has happened before.

Sounds like stalking to me, something Aus prolly has laws for.

they threatened my Dr, keep an eye on my money, passwords, bank accounts,

Change all your passwords if you can, and don't tell them the new ones.  See if it's possible to get their names _off_ the authorization list for accessing your banking info.

have all my legal documents which they wont give to me unless i have a valid reason.

Do you need an official reason to have your parents give you paperwork that's about you?

they have contacts in the police who give me hell for making such good parents worry when i dint answer the phone a police car comes to my place and i get yelled at by the cops.

Possible abuse of power, see other post that mentions it in this thread.

i cant get a Dr in this town without my parents interfering and putting in their word of how to treat me

How do they figure out which doctor you're talking to?

Also, block their phone numbers from calling or texting them or get a new # and ask people in your life who know them not to pass the number on to them.

Good luck with the job hunt!

[mixie]

It sounds to me that you must have had a situation where you did something that made you look like you have a mental issue.  If I may, sounds like maybe an attempted suicide type thing, where you are listed as a danger to yourself.

I'm not sure what is going on but you need to get the hell out of there and fast.  Your mother coming into the shower is almost like a sexual assault.  Your father threatening to beat you is scary as hell.


However, on the flip side they may present it as they've bought you all kinds of things and are just upset because you are out of control.

If you are old enough to move out then I would advise you to do so immediately.  I would also suggest that you go to some sort of out reach center or support group for trans issues.  You need someone on your side that knows the law, has access to resources and can provide you with a support structure.

My heart goes out to you.

[stldrmgrl]

as for the medical things, they are based on something when i was 16 so four years ago. legally back then my parents made all my desisions apparently that was law. after 18 they have no say. so back then as a minor they had all right. but the fact they hold it over me 5 years later is concerning. is a diagnosis from such an early age even legal. once my mother tried to get me in acourtcase with a letter from my doctor saying i was mentally incapable of understanding what was going on. the jidge told my mother not to bull->-bleeped-<- and made her leave the courtroom..mum tried to go to state court and sue him for treating her like a second class citizen.
so i suppose that if one judge didnt accept my mothers crap no judge will. and dont worry the courtcase back 7months ago went ok i got the money back over a bad desision i had made with an x.

thanks for the support, its gotten me through a really rough patch i had to get over.

this is what ive grown up with. to me that seems to be the norm. right now things have settled down for a day or so. my mothers pushing me to get a job. and i intend on doing so. starting tomorow im putting in resumes and not just doing my basic cert 2 course.

that way i can be independant faster. normally a jobb would terrify me and ive had anxiety and mental breakdowns due to stress. but right now if i dont get a job id be much more stressed. and thats all the motivation i need. and it will allow me to leave faster. but if i do get a job and it starts overwhelming me any coping techniques?

i already meditate and do a lot of calming and self healing but that only goes so far.
will let everyone know how things progress. hopefully a few certs and 5 years of volunteer work and a first aid certificate will help me get a job.

and my resume is all fresh and shiny.

I can assure you getting out of your current situation will, in itself, relieve you from stress, anxiety and overwhelming emotions.

As mentioned, if you move, do not tell your parents anything about your whereabouts or how to contact you.  Make sure any friends you have are loyal to you, and not your parents, as you do not want them informing your parents of anything.  Before you move, make sure you have nothing your parents can use to locate you.  As mentioned, change passwords, change your locks, get your legal documents from your parents (you have a right to possess them).  Most of all, if you move and become fully independent, stand your ground.  If your parents do find you, they don't "own" you anymore (emotionally speaking).  So if you don't want them around, they have no business being around.

Once you move out, if you are still experiencing emotional stress, just breathe slowly and take each day at a time, not thinking about tomorrow.  I suspect for a while things will be shaky, but that's okay.  Step one as you know, is getting out of there, so I'm glad to read that you are motivated to working towards that.  I don't know whether or not you have PM'ed "kelly_aus" (her post is above), but she lives in Australia and would be able to guide you along more so with the specifics pertaining to laws and location, much more than some of us who are not familiar with such.  Hang in there, and keep that positive determined attitude!

[RhinoP]

Honestly, I find it extraordinary that no one here has suggested that the OP call the police on her parents. It's not against the law to call the police if your parents are physically threatening you or harassing you - who cares if it's against someone's religion or tradition. Your parents are a danger and they are the ones with the mental problem. Teach them the lesson they are trying to teach you - record any and all threats on a cell phone recorder and turn them in to the police. It's not every hard. And most likely, the police will let you stay at your parents house for free, if they have previously verbally allowed you to live there (your possesions being there is enough proof of this). Perfect little vacation. They may even be institutionalized if the threats are out of control and/or they act up in front of the police. Your parents need to follow the law that they agreed to when they reproduced; there's no law saying being Transgendered is illegal, however, there are laws against harassment, death threats, assault, breaking and entering, ect ect.

[stldrmgrl]

Honestly, I find it extraordinary that no one here has suggested that the OP call the police on her parents. It's not against the law to call the police if your parents are physically threatening you or harassing you - who cares if it's against someone's religion or tradition. Your parents are a danger and they are the ones with the mental problem. Teach them the lesson they are trying to teach you - record any and all threats on a cell phone recorder and turn them in to the police. It's not every hard. And most likely, the police will let you stay at your parents house for free, if they have previously verbally allowed you to live there (your possesions being there is enough proof of this). Perfect little vacation. They may even be institutionalized if the threats are out of control and/or they act up in front of the police. Your parents need to follow the law that they agreed to when they reproduced; there's no law saying being Transgendered is illegal, however, there are laws against harassment, death threats, assault, breaking and entering, ect ect.

Valid point, though as you mentioned evidence enabling proof of such threats will most definitely be required to avoid hearsay.  The issue with this is, however, at least within certain states of the U.S., consent to and knowledge of being recorded must be established by all parties in the recording for it to be legal and credible.  Whether this applies to laws in Australia, I cannot say as I do not know.  Another issue with a situation such as this is that even if criminal offenses are taking place, many people due to the bond with their parents, do not have the courage or desire to prosecute; and not that anything was stated to suggest this, it is a mere generalized observation.  Whether or not it applies to the OP, I agree with your suggestion nonetheless so long as the OP remains within the law himself.

[lilacwoman]

At first reading I though vik2ray lived in some American Puritan place where the sun doesn't shine.

Australia is quite civilised so a call to the local human rights organisation should sort things out and let you get away from the house of hell.

presumably both father and mother watched a lot of gay porn to have the views they do?

[vik2ray]

they where raised in communist russia... and heres some good news i got my first aid cert and have nearly finished my other certificate. so by january i may be moving somewhere to follow a different course. so that will get me away from the parents.

lately they have been attempting to appease me by buying a huge tv for what they call my room in their new place. and buying me shopping n i seem to be smoking more than ever and my nightmares and insomnia are worse. paranoias crreeping in about me wearing my guys clothes and getting yelled at. and it seems most of my freinds mum knows are keeping away. probably mum trying to isolate me again. the ones she doesnt know about have offered me a place to stay.

so things are..ok..for now chrismas will go to hell in a handbasket because my girly cousin n her hubby n kid are coming to stay. i will be required to dress girly and if i dont they will guilt trip me into looking pretty. sigh sometimes i swear i want something more than cigarettes to ease the stress. but then i remember. if i spend money now on bad things i wont have any for surgery.

[lilacwoman]

when they yell at you just walk away until they quite down.

stops smoking and dress casual in male stuff and be nice to the relatives over Xmas then in the new year see about getting a job or new place.

your nearest city should have some social services that can help with your problems.

[vik2ray]

well when i walk away they follow even if i leave shut the door or turn music up, the volume of my mothers voice goes up.
today i spent the day helping my grandma, and i tried to say i wanted to move out and start my own life mum nearly yelled at me saying i will never have a life without my parents involement. her attitude has been getting me down. its just hard to get out of a pit my parents have dug.

[lilacwoman]

you're 20 so you need to take responsibility for yourself so go into town and seek some help to get away from parents.

its quite easy but after a lifetime of ebing controlled like you have been it may seem an awful big step.