SHOCKED! I have to live as a women BEFORE any therapy begins?!

[Zarania]

Hey girls =)

i went to my psychologist today (

im really scared because i only have idiots in my town!
people instantly judge ppl for anything im scared if anyone finds out, that i'll go out as a girl.
also im scared because of my voice... i cant bring it up (to sound like a girl) and i dont even know how. (maybe some advice here? )

also i live in switzerland, so its like if someone finds out, that im a dude, everyone will know (im not joking, it instantly goes through facebook and everyone will know)

so what would you do, if you were me?
and just btw; i dont have any friends.

so yeah - what can i do?


edit : i thought i'd live as a women after 6months of hrt (when my skin changes, boobs grow etc.) - and it'd give me time to train a female voice....

[Carlita]

If your therapist told you to start living as a woman before s/he begins therapy, then you should get another therapist. No such conditions should ever be placed on any therapy of any kind. Indeed, one of the main reasons for getting therapy in the first place is precisely to help you decide if you want to transition at all.

So my advice is: take it easy. You must do things at the pace that suits you best, in the way that suits you best.

[Zarania]

If your therapist told you to start living as a woman before s/he begins therapy, then you should get another therapist. No such conditions should ever be placed on any therapy of any kind. Indeed, one of the main reasons for getting therapy in the first place is precisely to help you decide if you want to transition at all.

So my advice is: take it easy. You must do things at the pace that suits you best, in the way that suits you best.

well its a rule in switzerland, before starting transition to live as a women and then begin with the therapy - i dont have a therapist yet.

[LivingInGrey]

I would still double check with some of the other therapist. Also think about checking with some of the therapist outside of where you live.

[El]

I agree that is a ludicrous (sp? lol) condition to place on people about to explore their gender dysphoria.

I found a link to the Transgender Network Switzerland Website, im not sure what the website consist of as i dont speak the language, i hope it helps.

http://www.transgender-network.ch/

I also found a paragraph on switzerland in regards to transgendered people as part of "Differences in the situations of TG and TS people
in different countries around the world" by Lynn Conway including information from other sources, which says:

In Switzerland, SRS is covered by the health insurances, as long as the person is at least 25 years old, if it takes in a public hospital, if the person has been recommended for surgery by a psychiatrist and if she has been examined during at least two years. Official ID changes are made through a simplified court procedure and are accepted unless the person is married. The most important problems are currently that is it really difficult to find a respectful psychiatrist ready to help you, that FtM surgeries are only practiced outside public hospitals (and health insurances refuse to cover them) and that health insurances are likely to refuse covering surgeries for early transitioners. Transgender people are unable to update their official documents. The administration currently refuses to take into account the identity changes of married people. Legal actions are likely to improve this situation in the following years. The professional situation of people is different from case to case. But some people have been able to keep their position of top manager through and beyond their transition, some have been able to get one after. The local mentality which favors the respect of the private life is really helping the people who are able to manage their transition successfully (Swiss information from Marie-No�lle).

You mentioned that you dont have friends, this can be a blessing and a curse. I advise you to get in contact with some other transgendered people or failing that the LGB community, support is very important whether you are transitioning or just thinking about it. On the plus side however this cuts down on the amount of people whos opinions you care about that you have to tell. Strangers dont really matter, they are exactly that, strange.

Edit: might help if i put the website on in the post lol.

[cynthialee]

Many places have brutal requirements.

Personally I don't know how they expect a woman to walk around looking like an obvious man but dressed en femme for 2 years without HRT.

When I started my transition I was on HRT within 2 months. I didn't go out in public as a woman until I had 3 months of HRT under my belt.

So I was thinking:
If the state insurance will not cover it unless you comply with draconian measures, can you go outside the insurance system and pay out of pocket?
A therapist and doctor who have private practises might be a way to go.

[Padma]

It's ridiculous, and has no proven value as a practice.

[lilacwoman]

Go read Schlumpf v Switzerland 2009 to see the legal position of transition in Switzerland.

[Julie Marie]

What about the Standards of Care?  Does the psychiatric community or government health care recognize it?

[lilacwoman]

Standards of Care are now outdated by the ECHR gender laws.

[cynthialee]

There should of course be a proticol in place, regardless of what it is called. However some of the requirements in some places can be so harsh.

I had to wait 3 months for an HRT letter from my therapist. 2 visits a months for 3 months at first. Then I had to stay in therapy for a year to keep that letter.
I socialy transitioned to everyone except for my spouses grandmother within 5 months of coming out.

Personally I am in the HRT is a good evaluation tool camp so to me it is baffleing to not use it soon in the process.
If you are a guy and are in it for a thrill your tune will change fast when erections become an issue and sex drive go out the window.

Knowing what we do about HRT and it's effects on male libido and how cis males who undergo estrogen therapy to combat prostate cancer react to the stuff it is an obvious answer to me. Men who go on estrogen for prostate cancer become depressed and lethargic. Transwomen have a very differant reaction. Where cis males have issues with the stuff, we thrive and become alive it seems.

anyways....
I am ranting now.

[stldrmgrl]

I am sorry to hear this.  I as well find many of the "requirements" to be completely absurd.  As stated, HRT will let you know of it's effects far beyond any "permanent" changes are endured.  It would seem that proposing someone go full-time prior to HRT, is not only their way of "testing" to see if you're really trans (as refusing to would be a classic example of where "you're not trans enough [or at all]" would be used in their eyes), but it's a complete insult as it would seem they would be sitting back laughing, knowing passing is a near impossibility for some.  It's pathetic and discriminative.  Though, that's just my personal opinion.

I too, am just ranting.

[El Capitan]

I'm sure i've read that it's the same in the UK, at least with where I am. I'm still questioning so I guess living as a man for a year before hormones or any 'irreversible' treatments are started may be a good thing to help me figure out but I can't bear the thought of trying to tell everyone that i'm a guy with this (IMO) stupidly female figure and high voice :/ 

I dunno, I really don't

[Julie Marie]

Standards of Care are now outdated by the ECHR gender laws.

Yeah, but even the SOC allowed for HRT without doing a one year RLE.

[annette]

Hi Zarania

You are affraid that everybody will know?
Imagine, everybody knows, so what?
Maybe this is a little bit harsh but I don't mean it that way.
I think, when you're living in a rural area where everybody knows eachother, it's inevitable that they will find out.
So, basicly there are two options, they will know or you have to move.
But, think about it, you aint gonna be a secret woman, locked between walls, one day you want to live and go outside, to show your beauty to the rest of the world.
Try to make the best of it and, your voice, maybe CandiFLA on you tube is able to help you a little.

Good luck hun, don't worry what others will think about you, screw them and live your life, go for it.

hugs
Annette

[El]

Hi Zarania

You are affraid that everybody will know?
Imagine, everybody knows, so what?
Maybe this is a little bit harsh but I don't mean it that way.
I think, when you're living in a rural area where everybody knows eachother, it's inevitable that they will find out.
So, basicly there are two options, they will know or you have to move.
But, think about it, you aint gonna be a secret woman, locked between walls, one day you want to live and go outside, to show your beauty to the rest of the world.
Try to make the best of it and, your voice, maybe CandiFLA on you tube is able to help you a little.

Good luck hun, don't worry what others will think about you, screw them and live your life, go for it.

hugs
Annette

Quoted for truth as they say. I agree with all of this.
And ill add that ive found people just dont care for the most part (rural england btw). I came out ready to fight my corner expecting to find a world that hated me and i was extremely underwelmed and then I realized that a) Some of these people dont actually realize im trans and b) almost everyone else is either too busy or too polite to give me a hard time. People are actually quite nice for the most part. Now its not all been a walk in the park, there have been shouts and jeers and giggles and stares at times and im still gaining confidence so it affects me less and less and its not a very regular thing and i noticed it drop off hugely when i stopped looking so damn nervous . Also a lot of the time once the "aggressor" is gone (and sometimes before) people even jump to your aid with phrases like "what was his problem" or "what a ****", if you are really lucky a guy will say something nasty and then his girlfriend will inflict physical pain (which i find much more satisfying than lowering myself to thier level and shouting my mouth off in the street)

But yea most days i find to be uneventfull in terms of transphobia.

[Lexicaligari]

I'm unclear where Zarania is writing from. I can say that if this were the case in my old hometown in the US of A, the issue would be one of natural selection-- as the person would get shot if they ever failed to pass completely. Needless to say I moved on.. In less hostile and cowardly areas of the world, the matter might be different, but it does sound a bit like the cart before the horse.... Best of luck in any case! Keep your eyes open girl! 

lexi -

[Natkat]

start singing,
it gives your a reason to train, or explore your voice + it can help getting more controll in it to sound more girly or masculine.

you can sing in the shower or anything..

thats pretty much what I do to check the changing in my voice and see how manly or femenine I can go with it..

[Zarania]

hey guys

thanks for all the posts - i found alot of informations but i still have something on my mind..

does the health-care system in switzerland pay the hrt? because my parents cant afford and they told me that if the health-care system doesnt pay it, i can forget it :S

now i'd like to ask if anyone can find some informations about it, because i didnt found it.

[Lynn]

hey guys

thanks for all the posts - i found alot of informations but i still have something on my mind..

does the health-care system in switzerland pay the hrt? because my parents cant afford and they told me that if the health-care system doesnt pay it, i can forget it :S

now i'd like to ask if anyone can find some informations about it, because i didnt found it.

I did some research earlier for your original questions (but didn't find much that I could actually read) and saw somewhere that SRS is partly covered. If that is the case I can only assume that HRT would be as well.

I'm not sure at all though, that's just speculation on my part there so I'd say either wait and see if someone from Switzerland has some more answers for you, or try and look for them yourself (which I would advise you do). So I can't be of more help.