How would you describe your former male selves?

[Mahsa Tezani]

Basically, here's a reflection thread on our pasts. How do you think you've changed now that your transitioning? What stereotypical male things did you do?

[Jaime]

Let's see, I fixed stuff, welded, remodeled and was basically lazy when it came to appearance and such, but I was overall an unhappy person that hated being around people.  Oddly enough, I still am that way to a large degree, except that I do put more effort into a nice appearance and I actually enjoy being around people now. I don't worry about the latest trends in fashion or beauty though and if I need to fix something or work on my house, car, whatever, I will, because its cheaper and I am more likely to do a better job than most pros cause I'm so darned anal about things like that and I'm actually quite good at most things I do, according to others. I'm not going to worry about whether something I do or want to do is going to fit any gender role either.

I transitioned due to a huge discomfort in how I saw myself, how I felt and how others perceived me. I'm way more social and generally happier now than I ever was before.

[shortNsweet]

I'm not quite out and transitioning yet. But I have tried to change and hide less in recent years. I hope that qualifies me to still post.

I never really did a whole lot of overly masculine things. I was more of the straight-A goofball band geek in high school. The only sport I care about is baseball. Others saw me as someone who was quiet around people I didn't know and a fun person around my friends. I tried to keep distracted from my feelings but I didn't work very well. I was just good at hiding them.

Fashion or my appearance was never something I put effort into. I always wore loose jeans, t-shirt, and a hoodie if the weather permitted. I think the biggest change in me so far. I've given to actually caring about my physical appearance.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora M,

A real 'gentle' man in every sense of the 'word'....May 'he' rest in peace....

Metta Zenda

* I didn't dislike my former self, in fact we got on quite well together [well most of the time]... He took me on trips to exotic places, I met interesting people through him, he fathered children who loved him and have now transferred their love to me....So when I say "May he rest in peace !" I really do mean this...He was a really nice guy-but I don't miss him though... *

Metta Zenda

[MsDazzler]

I am basically the same - intellectual, reserved, cool, and dreamy prior to transitioning and still am now. All that is different is that how I present myself as a woman and am on hormones now.

[Lily]

I was completely non-social most of my life. I had people I hung out with growing up, but I didn't have any I really saw as close friends. I never spoke about myself, and I tended to spend time with people who liked talking about themselves nonstop.

My interests haven't changed at all, but I am a bit more open about myself now.

[jessicas37]

Simple...

SHORT/FAT/Bald and always depressed

[Eve87]

Reclusive; I felt very out of place in social situations and avoided them. I was very quiet and acted like a stoic lone wolf type.
I also had no ambition to speak of, I dropped out of high school and I later dropped out of uni twice. I guess when the foundation of your person doesn't fit, you can't build on it.
I was emotionally numb and was diagnosed with bottomlessness and put on anti-depressives for a long time.

But it wasn't all bad. I had/have a great family even if I had no real true friend. I did know genuine love and had fulfilling relationships.

Full-time now I'm much more sociable and actually want to go out at times, which is endlessly surprising to my family.
I'm back in uni and intend to finish nurse training and make something of myself.
And I'm experiencing a wealth of colors of emotions. Ironically my endo calls it emotional weakness, I call it feeling in colors.

[pretty]

Hmmm, in the past I would say I got along with people well and a lot of people liked me but I felt really out of place. And I had some anxiety about it. I have a kind of bad habit of conforming too much so for most of my life I didn't have much of a personality, just kind of went along with things. I can't say I ever liked really masculine things though.

I regret that a lot of friendships I could have had as a girl were ruined because they saw me as a boy and wanted a relationship, but I wasn't interested and then it just became awkward. At the same time though, even though I was really conformist, I never felt pressure to be very masculine or do things I didn't want to do. I was always just kind of androgynous in daily life.

I really owe a lot to my bf in helping me come out of my shell more. 

[Jen61]

Basically, here's a reflection thread on our pasts. How do you think you've changed now that your transitioning? What stereotypical male things did you do?

I have no former male, i am and always will be me a female.

[Mahsa Tezani]

I have no former male, i am and always will be me a female.

Okay. More "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" here.

That's how you got 6 kids right? I mean unless you adopted them from Malawi.

Listen Jen61, I frankly don't care what you say or your perspective on youtself...But you have 6 children which means you once presented as their "father" and had a wife!!!! You were male at one time like the rest of us.... You aren't "->-bleeped-<-r than thou".

[Sweet Blue Girl]

I am non out and non transitioning yet, I wish.

Anyway my former male brother was a lonely depressed, insulated skizzo guy, with some macho attitudes, and obsessed by f1 cars, impossible romances, math.

I have still to kill him completely, but I am just a sweet passionate, artistic woman, still love f1, and soccer, and math, but I am day after day more open minded, more balanced.
It s still hard to have a good social life, and to remove this dead brother from my mind, but in some time I will make it!

[MsDazzler]

Okay. More "->-bleeped-<-r than thou" here.

That's how you got 6 kids right? I mean unless you adopted them from Malawi.

Listen Jen61, I frankly don't care what you say or your perspective on youtself...But you have 6 children which means you once presented as their "father" and had a wife!!!! You were male at one time like the rest of us.... You aren't "->-bleeped-<-r than thou".

at this!

[Forever21Chic]

  Dull lifeless, no personality, no desire to better myself, depressed/suicidal, unfriendly, socially deprived, etc etc...


   I had people come up to me and ask "why don't you ever smile?" and i would say something like " and what reason do i have to smile? please tell me" so alot of people thought i was emo lol and i don't blame them but i felt to ashamed to tell anyone the real reason why. I think the only time i ever showed even a wink personality was when i was drunk or high or both, drugs were my temporary solution to a serious condition.


   My former male self was nothing but bad memories for me, those were the dark years 4sure.

[Jen61]

Distant, quiet, reserved, polite, kind, nice. I was easy to talk to, but never talked about myself. I learned how to be friendly but keep people at arms length. I had lots of acquaintances, lots of people I got along with, but I generally kept from getting involved in any real relationships, any real friendships. When the class or activity or job ended, so did the connections. That was the functional shell to keep the outside world out. Inside I was suicidally depressed.

I didn't really do any stereotypically male things. I didn't really do much of anything. I liked things that took me out of myself: books, music, movies... And work. That and dealing with my chronic pain condition was basically my life.

Honestly, it scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me that I have so little to show for the last 16 years. A Bachelor's degree, an editing cert, one 2-year relationship, some basic social skills, and that's about it... Lot of work to do to be a whole person. But that's the difference: I care now. I want a life. Before I was just in stasis.

There something transcendental in your post: poetry, strenght, love.

Thanks for sharing,

Jen61

[espo]

Distant, quiet, reserved, polite, kind, nice. I was easy to talk to, but never talked about myself. I learned how to be friendly but keep people at arms length. I had lots of acquaintances, lots of people I got along with, but I generally kept from getting involved in any real relationships, any real friendships. When the class or activity or job ended, so did the connections. That was the functional shell to keep the outside world out. Inside I was suicidally depressed.

Scary !! I'm not a transwoman but you just totally described me. Although you have accomplished a lot more then I have.

[Shana A]

I never felt comfortable being male and never understood guys being the way they are. Was/am often depressed, reserved, although once I get talking I don't shut up  Have always immersed myself in both creating and listening to music, reading books, the arts, then and now, it keeps me sane.

Z

[JennX]

Reclusive; I felt very out of place in social situations and avoided them. I was very quiet and acted like a stoic lone wolf type.
I also had no ambition to speak of, I dropped out of high school and I later dropped out of uni twice. I guess when the foundation of your person doesn't fit, you can't build on it.
I was emotionally numb and was diagnosed with bottomlessness and put on anti-depressives for a long time.

But it wasn't all bad. I had/have a great family even if I had no real true friend. I did know genuine love and had fulfilling relationships.

Full-time now I'm much more sociable and actually want to go out at times, which is endlessly surprising to my family.
I'm back in uni and intend to finish nurse training and make something of myself.
And I'm experiencing a wealth of colors of emotions. Ironically my endo calls it emotional weakness, I call it feeling in colors.

Lots of similarities with me. I definitely was not the social-butterlfy so-to-speak pre-transition. Definitely more on the quiet, loner side of the table.

Distant, quiet, reserved, polite, kind, nice. I was easy to talk to, but never talked about myself. I learned how to be friendly but keep people at arms length. I had lots of acquaintances, lots of people I got along with, but I generally kept from getting involved in any real relationships, any real friendships. When the class or activity or job ended, so did the connections. That was the functional shell to keep the outside world out. Inside I was suicidally depressed.

I didn't really do any stereotypically male things. I didn't really do much of anything. I liked things that took me out of myself: books, music, movies... And work. That and dealing with my chronic pain condition was basically my life.

Honestly, it scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me that I have so little to show for the last 16 years. A Bachelor's degree, an editing cert, one 2-year relationship, some basic social skills, and that's about it... Lot of work to do to be a whole person. But that's the difference: I care now. I want a life. Before I was just in stasis.

Very accurate description. When I read passages like I quoted above, it totally confirms my decision to ride this train to the final destination. I never really understood or undertook the typical male interests and pursuits growing up. When I looked at a girl, I was more interested what bag she was carrying or what type shoes she was wearing.

I was a totally different person pre-transition. When I look at who I was then and who I am now, I don't even recognize that person anymore.

[SandraJane]

Went from being Hyper, nice, kind, depressed and disconnected to isolated, angry, moody, disconnected and miserible...and sometimes an a**hole!

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Distant, quiet, reserved, polite, kind, nice. I was easy to talk to, but never talked about myself. I learned how to be friendly but keep people at arms length. I had lots of acquaintances, lots of people I got along with, but I generally kept from getting involved in any real relationships, any real friendships. When the class or activity or job ended, so did the connections. That was the functional shell to keep the outside world out. Inside I was suicidally depressed.

That was beautiful.
And described me a little too well.