Dealing with birthname being used as an insult.

[AdamMLP]

My best friend and ex-boyfriend's ex started calling me by my birthname yesterday.  He told her that she was bad for him and broke off any ties with her - about time, and when she stopped being able to get through to him, started on me.  She's always called me Adam, and hasn't ever known me as anything other, but somehow through facebook she guessed what my birthname was, and now as soon as she knows she can't beg her way back with poetry or whining she's started on me being trans.  For about two or three hours last night she kept saying my birthname, that I was a girl, I'd never be a man and laughing at the fact I have a packer and stuff.

I know she's just angry - and in the mental state she is, delusional - but it hurts, and its ended up making me doubt who I am, even though I know I'm Adam.  Being told I never would be and that I'm a stupid pathetic girl who'll never get anywhere so many times last night makes you start to believe it.

Sorry this is just a huge rant. 

[lilacwoman]

perfectly acceptable to rant about this transphobia..  we all are subject to it at some stage so try to ignore it and get on with your real friends

[Jen-Jen]

People say mean horrible things when they are angry, don't let her get to you! Don't let her make you doubt who you are, you know who you are inside! You are the author of your life and can get anywhere you want in life as long as you remember your the author! I hope you feel better! Being called by your birth name when you don't want to is bad enough but being called by it as an insult is worse. I feel you brother.

[AdamMLP]

Thanks, I just need someone to remind me that she's worthless and only out to hurt me I guess.  She's started on my mate again so I'm guessing I'm gonna get it too in a second... 

[Bishounen]

My best friend and ex-boyfriend's ex started calling me by my birthname yesterday.  He told her that she was bad for him and broke off any ties with her - about time, and when she stopped being able to get through to him, started on me.  She's always called me Adam, and hasn't ever known me as anything other, but somehow through facebook she guessed what my birthname was, and now as soon as she knows she can't beg her way back with poetry or whining she's started on me being trans.  For about two or three hours last night she kept saying my birthname, that I was a girl, I'd never be a man and laughing at the fact I have a packer and stuff.

I know she's just angry - and in the mental state she is, delusional - but it hurts, and its ended up making me doubt who I am, even though I know I'm Adam.  Being told I never would be and that I'm a stupid pathetic girl who'll never get anywhere so many times last night makes you start to believe it.

Sorry this is just a huge rant. 

Sorry for perhaps being a tad graphic in wordings, but the next time she goes on about you never being a "real Man", then you can tell her something like; "-*Beeep* Edited out because the line got some peoples underwears in a twist*-:P"
Or something.

Remember to never ever let the trans-part of you be your vulnerability and your sore spot, but your strength and a natural part of yourself, and nothing(Or atleast much less) will be able to hurt you on atleast that part. I can promise you that.

[AdamMLP]

Sorry for perhaps being a tad graphic in wordings, but the next time she goes on about you never being a "real Man", then you can tell her something like; "Maybe not, but man or not man, atleast the surgery nowadays will be able to give me a dong big enough to burst you in two."
Or something.

Remember to never ever let the trans-part of you be your vulnerability and your sore spot, but your strength and a natural part of yourself, and nothing(Or atleast much less) will be able to hurt you on atleast that part. I can promise you that.

I never let her know that she was hurting me, it only really hit me after she'd left me alone how much it bothered me and made me insecure (although possibly partly to do with being at a party and everyone around me either being in heels or cismales and commenting on how short I am).  For the most part I was just laughing at her pathetic resort to me being trans as an insult.

[Bishounen]

I never let her know that she was hurting me, it only really hit me after she'd left me alone how much it bothered me and made me insecure (although possibly partly to do with being at a party and everyone around me either being in heels or cismales and commenting on how short I am).  For the most part I was just laughing at her pathetic resort to me being trans as an insult.

Good, That's a start. However, no matter how unreachable that may seem right now, you must also overcome your own emotinal response to such insults, as that is the key to the desired state of "invulnerability" you must achieve.

[caseyy]

Sorry for perhaps being a tad graphic in wordings, but the next time she goes on about you never being a "real Man", then you can tell her something like; "Maybe not, but man or not man, atleast the surgery nowadays will be able to give me a dong big enough to burst you in two."

I would not encourage misogyny in exchange for transphobia.

I hate to say it, but she does not sound like a good friend at all. I have some people in my life, particularly one grandmother who thinks that me being trans, and it 'hurting' her, gives her permission to say things about me as a person. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter how hard it is for someone to accept it and 'get used' to it - that's THEIR journey, and just because you came out as trans doesn't mean that a) you don't have feelings and b) you volunteered to be their resident punching bag because they can't work through their own emotional response.

[Bishounen]

I would not encourage misogyny in exchange for transphobia.

It is not Misogyny as the hypothesized answer was not directed at her gender, nor her birth-assigned Sex.
In fact, the very same answer can be used also to a Male, an Androgyne, an Intersexual or any other person regardless of their genitals or gender.

Misogyny, on the other hand, is disrespect aimed towards a female because of that females gender and Sex specifically.

And besides, being a female doesn't mean one has diplomatic immunity to behave any darn way one likes without having to deal with the potentials of some uncomfortable backfiring as a result of it.

[caseyy]

I didn't justify anything she said or did. But I see no reason to justify talk of what seems to be a very violent, graphic description of rape either.

[Arch]

I didn't justify anything she said or did. But I see no reason to justify talk of what seems to be a very violent, graphic description of rape either.

It might be an unappetizing and graphic remark to some people, but it makes no mention of rape, and I didn't read it as a description of a rape. Maybe you're reading more into the remark than is really there.

Than again, maybe I'm reading less into it.

At any rate, if you have an objection to the post, please report it and go about your business. I smell a potential fight, and I don't want this thread to go off topic.

[caseyy]

OK Arch. I was done commenting anyway.

[AdamMLP]

I hate to say it, but she does not sound like a good friend at all. I have some people in my life, particularly one grandmother who thinks that me being trans, and it 'hurting' her, gives her permission to say things about me as a person. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter how hard it is for someone to accept it and 'get used' to it - that's THEIR journey, and just because you came out as trans doesn't mean that a) you don't have feelings and b) you volunteered to be their resident punching bag because they can't work through their own emotional response.

Ah no, she's not my friend at all, I was being civil to her for the sake of my friend while they were going out, and she's known I was trans from day one I think, but has only decided to ignore the whole fact and tell me I'm a 'stupid little girl' now because she has nothing else left to say.  She's left me alone today, thank god, and I'm starting to feel better about myself again

[supremecatoverlord]

I had an ex do this same thing to me the other day.
I felt the same way about it.
Odd.
I'm really sorry you have to go through something like this though, especially from someone you thought cared about you.
=/
This is rough.