My name is Kaeleigh! Fuschia is just a nickname among some of my transgender friends.
You can call me either of course.
Six years ago, I watched a show called Ugly Betty. The show had a transgender character on it, and when she revealed that she had been born a boy, something clicked inside my head. I remember that moment when I was watching so clearly, because it was so important to me. I knew at once that I was transgender, too, but I was scared that my parents would not believe me and that the surgery would cost a million dollars. I put the idea into the back of my mind for awhile. Then two years ago I saw an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit in which a 13 year old transgender girl was trying to convince her father to allow her to take hormone blockers and allow her to live as the girl she felt like inside. Suddenly I realized that my dream of being a girl wasn't so unreachable, and I began to do more research. I've watched that episode so many times since then, it always gave me hope during the tough times in my transition.
Even when I knew that I was transgender, and I definitely could afford the surgery, I was still too scared to tell anyone. It wasn't until long into my first serious relationship that I trusted anyone enough to tell. But when I did, it was like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt for the first time that I was moving forward to break free of the chains that had bound me for my whole life. This was November of last year. Slowly I came out to more close friends, and then my parents in January. They were both very supportive and said that inside, they had always suspected that I might be this way. Family friends told me things that I had forgotten over the years, like that I used to tell everyone I was a girl when I was 3 and that I wanted a vagina.
More memories came back to me, memories I had suppressed. Dressing up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz when I was 5. Sitting down to pee for as long as I can remember. Thinking when I was young that I was intersexed, and that the doctor had "cut off" the wrong set of genitals (I didn't understand very much back then). Hating my genitals more than anything in the world, especially during puberty, and thinking it was normal because I was taught that everyone feels strange during puberty. Always speaking with a female voice when I talked to myself in my head. Little things like that - they all made sense to me!
I came out at school in March last year and while most of my friends were supportive, I still had to be the freak in school... I still am, to a certain degree, and it makes school miserable for me.
In July I went on Lupron, a hormone blocker that is commonly used to delay puberty (even though mine had already started), and a low dose of estrogen. The dosage was subsequently upped a few years later and I can now happily say that I am in the early stages of my female puberty.
My therapists are currently working on my letters for surgery, and I am going to schedule consultations with Dr. Brassard and Dr. McGinn for Sex Reassignment Surgery. My parents are supportive of this choice and are paying completely for it (they are wonderful, and though I disagree with them at times I could not ask for a more wonderful support team). If all goes well, I will have surgery completed this summer and be finished with this chapter of my life!
I attend several support groups - two for Trans Youth in New York City and New Haven, and my local PFLAG chapter in Hartford. Many of my close friends are transgender, and they have all helped me through very rough times. To say the least, I have been through much more than most people my age and everyone I know still cannot believe that I am only 15. I joined this site to "give a little support, get a little support". You will find that I am friendly and will always answer any questions to the best of my ability - or just lend an ear when you want to talk!
Lastly, here is a somewhat recent photo of me:
