Hello!
I'm Andris (András/Dris), from Hungary. Somebody sent the link of Forums on Yahoo! Answers.
Being 20, still trying to define myself - that's a bit complicated.
I'm the leader of a new-born university LGBTQI group where I'm called mostly a tomboy lesbian girl. Yes, I'm surrounded by gay, lesbian and bisexual people. It's comfortable somehow. Anyway, erm.. to be honest, it feels like I'm a teenage boy stuck in pre/middle-puberty. I do not see myself as a girl when standing alone in front of the mirror.
I don't like to be called a lesbian girl or woman (like my friends and others do), it's simply weird - I've always given myself the label "gay/queer" without noun... May "queer anybody"?!
Had several coming outs in the last year and by saying only "I'm attracted to girls" and they got it if I may label myself as a dyke! But I never meant that.
For instance when I came out to my mother declaring I had a girlfriend - she asked back (sounded like being worried and ignorant): "Do you consider yourself being a girl, don't you?" As totally shocked because I've never used labels for identity, neither a woman, nor a complete man I tried to skip it by mumbling "Well... mm.. I have a vagina and I have period, so biologically, erm.. yeah?".
That's it. I feel my body is definitely female and it doesn't bother me after all (gotta admit that my hips can make me disappointed sometimes). I got used to it or what. But do bother the fact that I'm hairy (thick and black), more than a girl's body should be. I used to depilate but I'm not really into it, it's like laziness..? I feel better with hair until somebody says something rude. I'm confused.
Being hairy as a woman gives me damn depressed days, I was also insulted in high school because of my soft/wannabe moustache - and! - I don't hide/shave/depilate them. My voice is also semi-deep, like a boy in the middle of his voice change.
I would do T, just to have some cool facial hair and deep voice. And lesser fat on hips, maybe lesser women-lines. Legally. Maybe a chest surgery also, but I'll leave that for the future. I'm pre-everything. I prefer stay at FTM, but not radically.
((Did bother me also when my ex-girlfriend made me feel I'm a woman (by my biological reactions) in bed. She was patient, sometimes I liked it but when she told me "you're such a woman", my blood was like frozen, I cannot do anything. By the way with other girls I was active, creative, content becuase they let me show only my affection that I like their women-minds. These girls could not touch me after all, and my body "helped me" by having a period regardless of time. Weird, isn't it?))
Somebody calls me by original name by knowing the facts, I accept it, I like her, it's okay. Somebody calls me by orig. name too but when it comes together with an attitude "you're a girl", I don't like that.
New friends mostly call me Andris, I like it but I got used to those female roles and also turn my head if orig. name heard. Recently I'll try to balance by acting this or that with unknown people: I'm not a woman for myself. For another people, I'm a freak/emotional teenage boy/sissy ->-bleeped-<-.
Slowly, I'm collecting memories... one is about, being about 7-8-years-old my classmates finally came to me if I would join them. (I was an outsider, non-wanted there.) They were playing "family" and a girl asked me to choose role. I couldn't say anything, so she angrily asked again "Naaah, male or female?!". I replied "I really don't know. Maybe some none-sex person?" She both laughed and was angry, pulling down my pants to see "what you have". You know, I really liked those humanoid UFO-figures because of non-genitalia.
Last spring when I held hands with my very butch ex-girlfriend, somebody beat me on face for being a sissy ->-bleeped-<-. Androgynous, yeah.
Sorry about looong story/intro. I just cannot keep my mouth shut sometimes. :-/
I'm quite confused, I gotta admit.
