This is me if you like it or not...
I'm of school age... high school. I wrote the following yesterday incredibly contained and needing to let go. The beginning talks a little on... sexual type stuff... but its not what the whole thing is about.. so if you read, i ask that you continue to read it all.... and this is not all just about sex...
I don't mean to give off any kind of image to the forum... I wouldn't know what line is the line to not cross..
It is simply put I should write whatever comes into my head. I watch porn online, and I would love nothing but to be dominated, as a girl, although I am known as a guy. Not only that, but Id love to live my life as a girl... simply and honestly. Id love to wear fishnets, and short skirts, and heels, and tube tops. I feel dressing that way better says who I am. Its who I feel I am... no matter why I feel this way. I believe to the world I may be seen as a guy, but I am in no doubt, more comfortable being known as a girl and take offense to being known as a guy. I am attracted to females and females only and it nearly kills me that it would make me a lesbian since I feel myself as a girl loving other girls.
In school I'm making straight Fs. I stopped doing the work. It started off being scared to show teachers my work, but now its simply pure laziness, when I use to be one of the hardest working students known in a school. Either way I'm a good kid who doesn't get into drugs or drinking or trouble or anything. In fact I get into pretty much nothing.
The truth is I want to be pretty, gothic, punk, and sexy and all of the above and I want to live that way. The only thing is it hard to do when you have parents and friends around who you've told nothing about the sexual feeling for wearing the clothes, that it's simply part of wanting to be a girl. I do honestly, only mean to dress this way to be recognized as a girl, but I cant help that I get the sexual feeling, I don't do it for the sexual feeling.
I've went to school in heels, I've went to school in a skirt. I was told to take it off by a teacher, but the principle simply said that the teacher didn't have the right to tell me to take it off and the principle supported me.
It took forever to open up to people though, considering my dad still thinks it's a teenage phase.
I've known since the age of 8 or younger I was this way.... that was before sexual feelings came in to confuse me about it all.
I am afraid to talk to people in real life, I am afraid ill say something that will show this secret side of me. I'm afraid that I will be seen as someone disgusting and stupid when in all reality, I don't have any control. I'm a good person with a good heart... I honestly care about others around me, and I don't get into trouble. I absolutely mean nothing but well for others. I'm just attached to something others can't relate to.
I'm alone in a house and parents are out and all I want to do is put on some make up, put on a skirt, and make some music, for I love to make music.
The only thing is that my parents will be home soon and even though they know about me crossdressing, I am uncomfortable around them still.
I lived with my dad up until about 2 years ago and finally got the guts to ask to live with my mom. So I moved from a 2 story house to a small trailer just to live with my mom. I use to cry every night wishing someday I could live with my mother. I still cry everyday, just about social issues now.
I told my mom over email I wanted to become a girl, and it might just be in a cross dressing kind of way. The more I think about it though, the more I truly want surgery.
I suppose the point to my madness is, I'm a messed up person.
More about me--- I am Christian, but I wish witchcraft was real. I adore it so much, but I don't believe it, although I wish it was real, it just provides freedom.
overall I'll say this, i dont mean bad by posting this... and i dont mean bad to anyone around me...
but i feel incredibly contained and i had to write all of this.
if you dont mind... im sydney
ill really regret posting this. sorry.
